July 2, 2014
June 20, 2014
March 22, 2014
July 15, 2013
June 10, 2013
November 12, 2012
October 9, 2012
October 7, 2012
February 8, 2012
This journal is dedicated to my beautiful daughter Andreayna Marte & To all the young womyn in the Fuerza/Power program whom I hae been with for the past ten years who taught me how not to loose hope and reflected back to me an inner strength and power that you can not learn or read about anywhere!
I am going to take this opportunity to introduce myself by using a letter I wrote to my daughter.
You are 14 yrs old now and no matter how much I prepared myself, no matter how ready I thought I was, there was never a chance on this earth that I would have been prepared for this year or the years that lay ahead for me and you.
I have dedicated my life’s work to creating a space for young womyn to create possibilities for them selves, to heal, to empower and transform the way they think, the critically think about the information they learn and create choices and alternatives to the world they live in.
Its been seven years since I made that agreement with myself and no body more than you and your brother have felt the affects of my lifes work. For the past seven years, I have broken down, broken through, broken down, broken through again and again and again…I have been the best mom and the worst mom, I have been here and there and no where, I have been happy and depressed, angry and in rage. I have broken promises and or never made any because I couldn’t keep them. I have taken days off to see your Christmas shows and take care of you after school and then
there where times you didn’t see me at all. (written 5 years ago)
Now you are 19, and I thought the worst was behind us but at 14 it had just begun. Espe told me one day by the river that this journey of motherhood with you was not about you at all, but about me. As I cried with her on Riverside for the millionth time about wanting to protect you from the world, she told me I had just started a long battle to save your soul. Hence, the name of the journal.
Well she was right, for the past 5 years I have battled you, the world & the contradictions I live of having you at such a young age of 15 and raising myself and you, two young women in such a violent world . However, at the end of the journey it was not you that was saved it was me!
That battle I was waging was not about you at all, as i fought with you I fought myself , it was like looking in the mirror at myself, my mistakes, my pain, my regrets, my past. In raising you I got the opporuntity to raise myself again.
Thankyou for this opporunity to be your mom, for trusting me as your mother, for your unconditional love, for not judging me and for standing with me through this journey of self love. We both have transformed into beautiful women!
In bold Rebirth
Your Mom, DEE