October 8, 2010
Being pregnant was by far the most blessed time of my life. My bliss was cut short when I discovered that my husband had been having an affair during my pregnancy and that he wanted a six month separation because I had gained too much weight during the pregnancy. When our son was two months old, he wanted to have joint physical custody of our son because he didn't want to pay for child support. As a result, I was legally and emotionally harassed for years with the obvious intent to outfinance me. During a long custody trial, my attorney let my ex-husband win custody of our son knowing that my ex-husband was emotionally abusive to our son and that he had more money to finance further custody fights. What my son and I endured was muddled in false accusations and allegations because judges don't want to hear details or even the truth. Domestic Violence and Emotional abuse was overlooked. A guardian who has no experience with small children, special needs children or abuse made the recommendation to transfer custody to my ex-husband. As I suspected, my ex-husband interferes with my possession periods, phone access and more importantly fails to follow court orders. Without money to hire an attorney to ensure that my parental rights are not trampled on, representing myself has had little or no success because judges don't like mothers representing themselves. I struggle with the stigma of being labelled an "unfit mother" when the only thing I did was to protect my child from an individual lacking in self-insight, compassion and empathy. I also struggle with not being able to protect my child.
Courts are not willing to stop abusive and misuse of the law because the courts benefit financially from court fees. Attorneys fuel legal battles because the longer the divorce or custody battle the higher their earnings. Guardians have to tell attorneys and judges what they want to hear because they want to keep their jobs. In the end, Fathers who challenge custody of their kids because they don't want to pay for child support endanger their children's emotional and psychological wellbeing and end mothers' rights. Greed is not the best lesson to teach our kids. Love and sacrifice are the true lessons.