September 26, 2010
Song Of Joy
The words, "I'm bored." just baffle me. For me there aren't enough hours in the day to do all that I would love to do. As a woman and mother there are responsibilities that I must carry out in order to feed and cloth and educate my children. I have three very strong girls, (one of whom is a mother herself now) and one dynamic boy. All have seen their mom go through many stages of life. I lived as an obedient wife for many years. Feeling frustrated that my wings had been clipped, all the while fluttering and crashing around in a cage. I quietly helped to encourage others even if it invoked the wrath of verbal degradation from the man I was married to.. Finally words of help from men and women alike got through my thick skull and I seems to wake up. I took charge of my life and stopped living like a supressed victim.
A few months after I stood up and said, "No More!" my older brother commented that it was nice to have me back. He went on to say that he didn't recongnize the person that I had become, but that now I had the glow of the sister that he knew and loved.
I've been blessed with siblings that were brought up, as I, to be a whole person and not just a gender.. All of my brothers know how to sew and cook and change diapers, while use girls (I in the lead) know how to plaster, roof, work on a car, and use power tools. So for a few years I wondered, how I lost that for a time. Why did I allow myself to be treated other than what I was use to? No need to worry about that now.. I worked though all of that and since it is the past I will walk forward because I have learned from it and learned not to allow it to happen again.
I have to smile though through one part. At the time it was rather upsetting, but now I see it as a lesson. My Ex had stormed into the house and demanded that he be given such and such of his that he KNEW I was hiding. I tried to tell him that it was not there and he ranted and raved and wrecklessly looked everywhere. I was more worried for an elder women friend who was living with me at the time as she was frail and sickly. We had almost lost her a month before and I was tending to her as I had promised I would so many years before. My concern was more with her health and failing mind than with my own safety.
When that man finally stomped out of the house empty handed, I sat shaken. She stood up and said, "I don't know who that man was, but we sure don't need him in our house!" That made me laugh because at one time she did know who he was, but in her state of mind at that moment he was a rude stanger that wasn't needed. Her words were healing for me and they made me see things in a little bit different of a light..
So here I sit, six years later and six years stronger. Trying to do what it right for myself, for my children, for our planet and her people.
I have learned the importance of a good strong base of women, sisters really, who are across the globe. Ranging from the wisdom of the Grandmothers to the bright and shining new eyes of our darling wee girls. I hope to be a support for anyone who needs a hug, a kind word or a loving kick in the seat. :o) We are all women that have a voice and a brain and the ability to teach others how to respect and to love and to live in harmony.
I try to do my part to educate, support and to walk lightly on our Pachamama (Mother Earth). Out of her runs well springs of life, and wisdom that we can learn from..
So there, I have babbled enough for the day.. I am blessed to be on your presence. Thank you for being here!
Song of Joy (Carol Lee)