November 17, 2012
I was raised in a family of 9 children and my father supported us all. After 23 years in civil service he was laid off and had to work odd jobs to complete his "quarters" in order to collect social security. At 50 something my mother went to night school to get her GED (equivalent to a high school diploma). I was raised a middle child. My sisters were older than me and I had younger brothers. My sisters teased me and bossed me and to this day I don't have a close relationship with any of my sisters. My father liked to drink and I remember my mother an father arguing alot. All the uncles and aunts that visited with us also drank and I grew up thinking that drinking and arguing was a normal way of life. I started drinking when I was 15. I started having sex at 16. Needless to say my relationships were dysfunctional, complete with drinking, drugs, arguing, and ultimately violence. It took me 40 years, 2 bad marriages, and even a third bad relationship to FINALLY visualize myself as becoming seperate from the cycle of violence. My second husband tried to kill me by strangling me and I eventually figured out that his family was helping him to rendevous with this mistresses. When I left him I thought I was being strong. Nothing was going to hurt me anymore. But it took me a couple of years to realize that I actually was at the lowest point in my life. I had virtually no sense of self worth. Since then I have allowed women as well to bully me because it has been so difficult for me to feel any value in my being. I don't want young women to ever feel that way. I believe this to be the most dangerous of emotions and the most dangerous of predicaments that a woman or girl could ever be in - to feel valueless or worthless. I want to add that my father was a very generous man and a good man. My childhood was not a bad one, I was just confused about how to become an adult. I had no direction from any of the women in my family. In a way, I still don't. But now I'm old enough to make my own decisions. I have a feeling I'll find lots of female heroes while reading World Pulse. Thank you for listening!