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Child Suicidal

Vero as she is popularly known within shomolu community of Lagos State where she lives with her parents decided to take her life by taking rat poison. The 15years old girl complained that her mother who is a petty trader by the roadside is always scolding at her. This incident took place on the 18th of August, that day she was scold for leaving the house since morning and returning late. vero got angry, took a rat poison at home named 'commando' mix it with water and drank it. She jokely informed her neighbours and friends of what she had done. She said she wants to die so that she will leave her mother alone. People thought she was joking when she was saying it, even when her mother was informed that her daughter took poison her remark was 'if she wants to die let her die'

Later that day, Vero started complaining of stomach upset which lasted for two days. she died early hours on 20th of August. Vero had just completed her junior secondary education and is awaiting result.

I really wonder what is happening, a similar incident also took place in another part of Nigeria where a boy also took his life because he was scolded for failing is exams.

Then i ask, what is happening? what is the problem? Is it with our children or our Parent?. The level of Parent-Child Communication needs to be improved. Handling adolescence could be very challenging especially in today's world. Relationships between parents and their children could be greatly improved when there is effective communication taking place. In general, if communication between parents and their children is good, then their relationships are good as well. Parents who communicate effectively with their children are more likely to have children who are willing to do what they are told. Such children know what to expect from their parents, and once children know what is expected of them, they are more likely to live up to these expectations. They are also more likely to feel secure in their position in the family, and are thus more likely to be cooperative.

Comments

beautifuleagle's picture

more parental commitment

It's quite a pity vivian,the economy is biting so hard and parents are losing their children in the bid to provide for them.

Parents need to realise that the more friendly they are with their children,the more confident they will be relating with their parents,and the less mistakes the children will make,Parent need to take more care no matter how busy their schedule to spend some time with those teenagers,listen to them and try to understand them,that way they will have more confidence in themselves,more self esteem and make less mistakes,which will result in less deaths.

vivian's picture

Family Development

Thank You beautifuleagle for your comment.

You are right, Parent really need to spend quality time with their children to know them better. We have heard and seen cases where parent vow for their children offence without knowing that they are guilt until they are brought to book.

When i was a teacher in an only girls school, a girl of 15yrs came to me for advice about her new boyfriend whom she met during the holiday and the guy told her that he will like her to be the mother of his children and so many wonderful things. The guy, an undergraduate and is promising to marry a little girl in sss1. when she finished her story, I asked her if she could narrate this to her mother and she quickly shouted 'NO' my mother will not understand and then i asked again, do you have elder sisters you could talk to about this. she replied that she doesn't want them to know.

it was at this point, that i realised that so many girls at there are looking for someone to share their problems with, someone who is not part of the family. Maybe Peer Pressure could be one of the reasons children prefer to confide in their friends that their mother in some vital issues.

Parents should ensure that they form bond within the family, create room for understanding among children and discuss odd issue for the benefit of everyone.

Vivian

''Every woman have a story at every stage of Life''

Eliana's picture

Dear Vivian, I agree with you

Dear Vivian,
I agree with you and with beautifuleagle. In Italy, unfortunately these facts happen, too. I think parents should try to find some time to spend with their children but as you said: quality time. There is no need that parents sit down with their children and think about their jobl. They need to start listening carefully to what their children have to say and most importante: they should listen without judging, expressing opinions and value judgements of the children.
I think it would be useful for every parent all over the world to train in "active listening", listening without judging but with the aim of understanding the children's positions, to understand why they see and feel things the way they do. To do that parents and children have to do an effort: step out of their point of view and assume that the other is right and try to see things and situations with the eyes of the other. So it gets easier to create common ground of collaboration and understanding.
We all need to be aware of our emotions that sometimes break over us and make us lose control and reason and make us react the way we are used to. It is difficult and time taking work on oneself to discover when certain emotions come over us and try to be aware of them. The worst thing we can do is to ignore them. We should spend some time getting to know ourselves better before we approach youth and children.
I think children sometimes regarding delicate topics prefer to talk to external people whom they trust, because they feel more free in talking and they don't feel the burden of facing misunderstanding from the side of parents. Because parents often tend to have a picture of their children in mind: how they should be, how they should think and behave, what studies they should do, etc. This is a remainance of their education and sometimes they don't do it on purpose but indirectly: they pretend. And by pretending they forget that every child is an independent human being with his own feelings, emotions, ideas and projects. And this should be a chance of growing as a familiy. Together. Creating a basis of reciprocal understanding. People that are not part of the family are able to see things more impartially and don't judge because they are extern and they manage to keep objectivity, the objectivity that gets lost in the family where there is an emotional involvement of the sides.
Dialogue and suitable techniques and structures should be implemented to practice communication skills and creative conflict resolution programs. And this could be a topic for teachers too to introduce this subject in classes, and to explora and analyze situations through role plays on different topics to be decided according to age, gender, etc. There is still a lot of work to be done but something starts moving. We should accept our children for what they are and don't pretend perfection from them because we are not perfect at all, even if we sometimes elevate us to that status unconsciously and world isn't perfect either. So they have as well the right of not being perfect. We are all here to learn. And to learn we have to do mistakes and we have to find parents and people on our path that will explain them to us without judging or scolding. We have to use the right words. And they are not easy to find nowadays.

Eliana

vivian's picture

Nice comment

Hello Eliana

Nice comment! Your conclusion says it,'We have to use the right words. And they are not easy to find nowadays' Words that can make a different in one's life. Words that should be cemented with love, care and show concern.

In our field of work, we need to continue to create awareness in what is lacking not only in the society but also in family. When the family is built, the society will be a better place.

Vivian

''Every woman have a story at every stage of Life''

laughterlove's picture

Thank you for sharing this.

Thank you for sharing this. Sometimes I wonder what I should write about and you have reminded me of my story. I learned to love life only after I tried to take my life as a teenage girl. This is one thing that I think is so deeply misunderstood and is so taboo to talk about. Maybe if I share my story, it will give others courage and hope and understanding.

I love the advice you give about having good communication between parents and children. I think this is really necessary. I also think though that even more important than the relationship a child has with his/her parents, is the relationship they have with them self.

For all of life is like that race with ups and downs and all. And all you have to do to win is rise each time you fall.
“Quit! Give up! You’re beaten!” They still shout in my face. But another voice within me says “GET UP AND WIN THE RACE!” DH Groberg

vivian's picture

Thank you for visiting my

Thank you for visiting my blog, on pulse wire, you can write any thing that is of interest to you. don't give up, keep writing

cheers,

Vivian

''Every woman have a story at every stage of Life''

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