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Anger

Anger derive from ANG plus GER, but is potential. It causes people commit to suicide, broken friendship between friends and friends, kinship and kinship, which leave many people are suffering beyond it. I had experienced it a hundred times, and it was really painful.
I was almost always angry with my mom when she called me at 4 o’clock am to make dessert for selling. At that time, I was so young; I could not control my feeling at all. I hated being in a poor family because I had to do everything. I could not play like other children, and I could not stay in bed late on weekend. I had to get up early helped my mom. I did not want to, but I had to because my mom would scold me. I did not want to hear her scolding which is really annoying. My mom always scolded whenever I did something wrong. Now, I realize her action is really useful to me, but at that time, I disliked her scolding, it was really painful to me.
I would not eat anything when my mom scolded at me. At that time I was about thirteen years old who was full of emotion. When someone did something which was not parallel with my ideas, I would get angry. I was very aggressive. I always cried when I was angry with someone, especially my mom. Sometimes, I hated all people in my family because no one understood my feeling. When I was furious, I could not eat anything even the most delicious food that I liked because my stomach was full of rage. I coveted to stay a lone in silent place because I did not want someone to disturb me. There was no silent place in my house, so I had to go my grandfather’s garden to release my rage. Sometimes, I punched banana trees or tore its leave. Maybe, four to five hours later I started to feel better and calm down. Finally, I would come back home and simply did housework.
I was immature or selfish. I knew that my mom work really hard to get money for my education, food and costumes. However, I was so lazy, and did not want to help her. Whenever my mom wanted me to go somewhere or to buy something, I told that “I am studying, so please, do not interrupt me. If I went to buy something, my concentration will vanish.” Therefore, she went to buy by herself or my sister. I would be angry if someone interrupted me when I was studying.
I broke the relationship between my friend and me because I could not control my anger. I did something wrong, and my friend told me I should change my habit. It was not good for me and people around me. I yelled to her human being always made mistake no one can escape mistakes. You were not my relative, so you had no privilege to tell what I should do or what should not I do. You were just friend. You upset her so much, she cried because of me. after two hours of battle, I felt calm. I was so curious how could I say all of this words to my friends. I said without considering. I said to her, when I was full of rage. When we are full of anger, I should not say something. Wait until we feel a little bit calm and then talk. Come to Bangladesh is a precious opportunity to learn everything.
I came to Bangladesh was not only gain my knowledge, but also my behavior. I came here, Bangladesh to study English. Fortunately, I could improve my English and also my behavior because poem. My homeroom teacher always gave us to do poem one for a week. I gained vocabulary and self-worth. The meaning of all these poems to enforce us to be confident, confronting problems, to be ready for problems, and positive thinking. One poem that correlated to anger is “Nothing personal”. In this poem, it shows about how we get angry, and why we get this feeling. We have to accept this feeling and try to make it better next time.
Even though I have learnt how to manager anger, still I cannot control it. It is really difficult to manage anger. However, I realize that I am much better than before coming here. I am still angry, but after anger, I tried to figure out what was wrong with me? Why did I get angry? What is a pressure that pushes me to this condition? I consider it is right to be angry about that situation. I try to escape from anger because I do not want to hurt other people and myself. Especially, pre-mutation, I am full of emotion, and easily to get angry. Sometimes, I see people, I feel angry even if they do nothing to me. I know I should not being like this, but when this feeling comes I face difficulty to resist. Therefore, we should apologize to people that get angry because there is something behind them. I think most of people do not get angry at all. Maybe, they stayed under pressure of something or before they get period. If we can apologize we should apologize.
Some people commit to suicide even me. I realize why people who are full of rage want to commit suicide because they see people around them as foes. They think that all people are surrounding them dump them. No one understands their feeling, and almost always said that is their faults. I used to experienced this feeling, one day I really mad with my mom. At that time, my mom wanted to wash dishes, but I wanted to sleep. My mom said after washing dishes I could sleep or do whatever I wanted. My mom did not want to keep dishes dirty for long time because it was not good for health. Ultimately, I went to wash dishes, but when I wash dishes I cried. My mother scolded at me why did I cry, I was immature, not is child anymore. My brother added more that I was very lazy, he never saw people like me. Maybe, there was no one like me in the world. I was angry with my brother than my mom, I did not want other people to add at all. I wanted some people to stand by my side, but no one stood by side at that time. Almost all members of my family said I misbehave. At that time, I thought they were not my relative any more, and I did not want to live with them anymore. I would run away from home, I did not want to see my family’s faces. I hated them, they never understood my feeling, and they never did what I want. Where should I go or I should killed myself.
I want to commit suicide, but I did not dare enough to do. I had no place to go because I did not know other people out of my relative, and I did not want to my friends’ houses. Where should I go and what should I do? I asked myself over again and again. I could see only one way that is committing to suicide. I wanted to suicide to escape from my family. How could I die? By knife, oh no, it really hurt. By hang, oh, no it still hurt. Jump from the bridge, oh no, I was not much good at swimming. I had to drink a lot of water before dying and it was really miserable. I combated with my mind. Finally, I got answer I would not suicide. However, how come I walked into this situation. I am really crazy at that time. How can I get this crazy notion? It is really wrong that people commit to suicide because it leaves many people are suffering behind us. Therefore, we should avoid commit to suicide, and I should confront problems. I get sad, so we will value happiness.
Now, I just realize the feeling of people when they are angry. Both sides think that they are right. No one see the fault when they are angry. They need other people to understand their feeling and to think they are right. They do not need other people to scold them more. Feeling of anger is like boiling water on the stove. They are the most sensitive. I know about all of these feeling because I have already swum cross them. Whenever I was furious with my brother, I want my mum to stand by side. I thought that this thing happen because of my brother that cause it. He, my brother, always caused argument. I also wanted to see my mom scolded at him.
Anger also causes us have a lot of wrinkles. We are furious, hormone react strongly, when we are angry we frown which make our face have wrinkles. Especially, on our forehead is the most sensitive when we are angry. We should keep smiling. Smile is good for your beauty and it also makes others like us.
Anger is devil feeling that we should escape as possible as we can. Anger cause winkles, broken friendship, commit to suicide, and despair. Therefore we should control our anger, and do not let anger control us.

Comments

aliĝngix's picture

Little steps at a time...

I can relate to this. This is very deep. To confront and post you emotions on such a personal level...well, I'm glad for you that you are finding ways to deal with it. It's hard to let go, eh?
I'm glad you can share that, that this is the way to go, and I hope we all can help out in your healing.

LauraB's picture

Feelings

Phasy,

Feelings are so intense, continual and moment by moment. You have thought so much about this and have noticed a great deal about your feelings as well as others.

I feel like anger has this great force that can be positive as long as it doesn't take over. Many movements- Feminist Movement, the Civil Rights movement in the US, have been powered by voices that have anger and channeled in positive ways. What do you think of this idea?

Great post!

Laura

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