Mirror , mirror on the wall.....
...who is not the fairest of them all?
I lay in bed last night earlier than usual, so I wasn't really sleepy, just tired.
My thoughts lingered to a comment a friend had made jokingly, that jacket you are wearing looks a little tight. I replied with a laugh, in shrunk after I washed it. Well in truth, I had gained weight, I have been for the past three year. I have to confront this issue that has staying away from my full length mirror. I had attributed it first to breastfeeding, then after that I stopped breastfeeding and I was on the Deepo injection, which previously made me loose weight but now seemed to have the opposite effect. It has been 4 months since my last injection and am still piling on the pounds. I know am obese..., harsh word but it is the truth - am only 5"2 and over 86 kgs. My idea weight for my height is 68Kg...I wish it was as easy as flipping the numbers...
I envy my Mum and sister who are all petit. My sister , who is younger than me is having the opposite challenge - she's trying to gain weight. Another painful reality is my husband is athletic and fit, he's a contemporary dancer and has never had any issues with his body weight. When I have to lie in bed every night beside someone I love with such a fit body, I wonder what did he see in me? Well i know he looked through my exterior and saw who I truly am - my soul my heart. but I feel like he's short changed. I know my weight is beginning to be a problem now more than before. My blood pressure is up and all over the place more than ever, the migraines are more frequent and am getting more and more lethargic.
I have a skipping rope and am thinking diet! Am eating less and less because I dont want to eat more than I need, but i know I may be eating less and less of the right foods. Then I see this documentary on Aljazeera TV about Gauvage
How women in Mauritania are force feeding their young girls so that they can grow to be big and luscious women, that will be the pride of their husbands and I feel sick to my stomach and don’t want to eat at all. I watched in horror as two girls age 7 and 12 were being pinched, while couscous and milk is forced down thier throats. Their cries and vomit didn't deter their mothers from continuing. Their own mothers giving then dim futures filled with high cholesterol , potential heart attack and heart failure all in the name of a twisted sense of beauty!
How can we reach these women and educate them? They have seen and exprienced it first hand and yet they hang on to a tradition that only causes pain and suffering? I am on a quest to loose weight on Kg at a time.