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IF ONLY...

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Today is a sad day for me... My heart aches.

By now I've realised that the best medicine is to just write about it and get it all out... So here goes...

If you've read some of my other journals or blogs you might know that our family consist out of my girlfriend and I and all of our cats and dogs.

During the night or early this morning one of my dogs died. His name was Coco. We aren't sure what happened. Coco would have turned 1 in November.

We saw that Coco wasn't himself this week and last night I decided that I would take both the dogs to the Vet this morning. Gucci, my oldest dog cries whenever you touch his ear, and Coco who is normally a huge energy ball who craves as much human attention as he can get was suddenly just lying in his doggy bed on the floor in our room or in the living room all alone.

If only I had taken them to the Vet yesterday.... They might have been able to save Coco's life... this morning we found him lying by the gate. I saw him through the window and ran outside to catch my girlfriend just before she drove out the gate to work... I couldn't go near him to see if he had really died... she had to be the strong one this time...

My heart is really breaking while I write this... I don't want another pet.. not soon. I just can't handle the heart ache of losing my pets anymore. We have lost three of our pets in three months.

I went on as planned and took Gucci to see the Doc this morning. He has severe ear infection and has to be sedated to clean out his ears. It was all so fast, I wasn't prepared to just leave him there for the day...not after Coco...
The Doctor showed me to the cages and I put him inside. When I was back in the waiting room I could here Gucci crying and my heart broke all over again. After 5 years you learn how to identify what your dog tries to say with a certain bark or cry. And that was a surprised/ scared bark/cry, as though he was yelling mom, where are you? How can you just leave me at this place. Im counting the minutes till I can fetch him from the Vets office, there is exactly 52minutes left as I'm writing this.

Gucci has been with me for 5 years. He has seen me at my lowest and has always been there wagging his tale and just loving me, even in the very rough times where I pushed everyone away and was very hard to love.
I used to drive a Vuka scooter and gucci would hop on between my legs and ride around town with me.
He even went clubbing with us, and he went to a lot of my University classes with me. for the past three years he has been going to work with me almost everyday. He is my best buddy, the smile on my face when I'm sad. The one buddy on this earth who will love me no matter what. He is my child, the one I tell my deepest secrets to. I know some people would say he is only a dog, but to me..... He is and angel with 4legs instead of wings.

Coco was Gucci's son. When I saw Coco for the first time I fell inlove with him straight away. He looked so much like Gucci when he was a puppy, and I couldn't help to just take him home without a second thought... As he grew older he was very attached to humans, he hated being left alone, even with the other animals. He was very loving and playful, he loved to eat shoes, and basically everything that he could find.... hair brushes, toilet paper, or what ever was in his reach... I think that might have been what killed him... We tried our best to keep everything out of his reach and closed the doors to the rooms during the day when he and Gucci had to stay at home with their kitty siblings. But in the end I think he might have eaten something that bade him very sick.

I Know God has reasons for everything... I seriously do not know what the reason for this was, and even though my heart is breaking today I know Coco is in a better place. I know that I will see him again... someday.

So rest in peace Coco Pop....

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