Community Update

World Pulse Toolkits Available!

At World Pulse, we recognize the need for ongoing learning—for you and for your community! Our toolkits are all available here.

We are especially excited to share our signature Citizen Journalism and Digital Empowerment Curriculum. Start learning today!

I WILL NOT FORGIVE MY UNCLE; DO NOT PREACH TO ME

Unlike every other girl in my community, I wear rag in my pant everyday to protect myself from a smelling discharge that emanates from my vagina and pus. This started when I could not remember and it made me believed that I had a disease from birth.

Another reason why I believed that I was diseased from birth was that, unlike every other girl in my village, I was the only one who had to suffer the humiliation of opening up my vagina to every dick and harry, just to prove my mother’s point and to seek medical attention.

In the company of my mother, I visited all the herbalists and medical clinic in out Local Government in order to seek help of my strange and disgraceful disease. The worst part of it not that I was smelling, or had to use rag as pad every day, or the fact that everyone in the community is aware of the fact that I will never be able to bear my child, No, the worst part is that; I do not have a friend. No girl wanted to be my friend.

I was born in 1982, but I have the experience of an 1882 woman. I lived a very sad life because of my story. My story has burnt my soul, it has crushed my spirit, it has bowed my head, it has driven me away from my community and ultimately, it has made me to hate men and suspect every female family member.

The most painful part is that it has happened to me, my cousin and it is still happening today.

I saw my mother packing our loads, she refused to listen to my father, she decided to leave our village, but she had to return to the village, when she discovered that she left my father with a two months old pregnancy and she also would not be able to feed my sister, herself and myself, what can a woman do without a man?

I was not present went it happened but I suffered the humiliation, the abandonment and the lies, that I, a 2 year old girl seduced my father’s brother, in a time when sleeping with a child was a taboo.

The stares, the fleeing from me, the stench, the everyday pads, made me ask my mother, why all these? At an appointed time, my mother was able to divulge what happened to me. The funniest part was that the stench of fart was emanating from my anus, everyone perceived the odor but I was not.
My story

My mother was a petty trader and she goes to the market every day. I was always left at the mercy of my father’s brother, my uncle. One fateful day, my mother returned from the market and perceived an odor, she began to search for the rat that caused such discomfort in the room, she could not find it.

Later, she realized that the dead rat, smelled from my vagina, and she tried to pull out the rat from my vagina. That was when she realized that the odor was oozing out from my vagina. I was the smelling rat. The odor, that had disrupted several class works, and had made me an enemy of my friends.

My mother screamed, she opened my pant, looked into me and discovered that I had a vagina opening that was the size of an adult woman. My mother screamed. She asked who had been there and I pointed at my uncle. The medical examination pointed it out, my uncle has sexual intercourse with me, everyday, whenever my mother went to her business stall in the village market.

I was on antibiotics for twenty years afterward.

I visited all herbalists known and unknown to my mother for 20 years. I had pus oozing out from my vagina and a stench that hundred clothes could not cover. I became the most pointed at girl in our community.

My mother fled when too much eyes wanted to tear her clothes.

My mother fled to protect the little dignity that remained.

My father supported his brother. The little generational honour must be protected.

It was agreed that I seduced my uncle. A two year old girl could seduce 42 year old man. My father gave his brother some money, he fled too.

My mother returned to her village and began to seek more herbalists to quench my stench and to stop the every flowing pus.

Very soon, my mother realized that she was pregnant, she had been persecuted for giving birth to only girls before, she had the only 2 year old girl who could seduce her uncle and she soon discovered that a woman cannot feed her children without the support of her husband. She returned to our village.

Growing up saved me. I fled the village, I came to Lagos and when the pus was tired of flowing. I stopped. The stench stopped too.

I met a man, married him, told him my story and all he did was to make jest me, a woman defiled, useless and abandoned by her community.

My tear has dried, I have a son, an unhappy marriage but do not preach to me, I will never forgive my uncle. I leave my uncle for God, his conscience, and I leave him for our ancestors.

I have a friend in Calabar now, she hated men because her father became her husband when her mother walked out of the marriage. Nobody knows, except me, we hid our secrets. There are so many secrets on earth. Child sexual abuse is the worst, because it is committed to the innocent ones, it is hidden by fear and threats, it is open to God Almighty.

As for my story, I will tell aunty Tosin, she will tell every woman, she will tell those who care for children and she will tell the world. I believe.

My uncle has begged for forgiveness. He wanted to return to our village, He could not, unless I forgive him, I wont and I cant. May God forgive me for not forgiving my uncle.

Comments

This is a very brave personal story to share with others. It is sad that all over around the world, children are not safe with even own family members. Many become victims; but only a few have the courage to share the incidents. Thanks to her for sharing her life's biggest secret. This will make working mothers more cautious about their children's safety whom they leave in homes for attending officework throughout the day.
Peace-
Tanzina
Bangladesh

Tanzina Ahmed Choudhury
Bangladesh

olutosin's picture

Courageous

My sisters, that is why I love women and our gathering, we give strength to one another. She is very courageous and ready to share her story from now on. Her story is every child story, especially a child that is left in the care and mercy of others.......

The safety of every child is the duty of every responsible adult before, now its another story entirely.

Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town
Lagos-Nigeria

https:

Y's picture

We must stop making monarchs

We must stop making monarchs of men. There should never have been the divine right of kings (and gods) to take innocence from children in the form of sexual deflowering.

Yvette

olutosin's picture

I agree aunt

I went to a village in India and I was talking to all the women about gender equality and violence against women, the women told me that there is no violence against women there, and when I asked if there husbands beat them, they replied, every night. I said NO, a husband has no right to beat the wife, they told me that their husbands are gods, and has every right to beat the wife. They told me that the problem is the women who sell alcohols to their husband on a daily basis, its alcohol that makes their husband aggressive and beat them every night. When a woman says a man has every right to beat her, what would you say????

In our part of the World, its not only your husband that is god, even your husband's brothers are also gods too. His father is another demon that must be pacified. Women and issues.

Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town
Lagos-Nigeria

https:

Y's picture

I love you, Tosin and admire

I love you, Tosin and admire your courage in speaking the truth about the many abuses of power on our earth.

I think we must look at the word "god" and see what it has meant throughout human history. Long before the Bible was written, humans imagined scary, vengeful, jealous, invisible beings that abused all who displeased them. In the Bible, "God" was given a one human, male face. This 'God" is so vengeful that he punishes all his children for centuries because of the mistakes of his original children. He then makes a son for himself in order that this son can be sacrificed in a bloody manner, so that the father will stop hurting his children for the sins of their long-ago ancestors. Priests are created to continue punishing those who don't bow down to this "God." Because the "face" of 'God" has been made to look like a man and because the "feelings" of "God" have been made to be just as the abusers who hold power feel, men have created a system where abuse is the privilege of "God" and all those who believe in this vengeful being.

This is the reason that I have written extensively, on my blog OneFamilyManyFaiths.blogspot.com and my book "We're Already Eternal" about The Sacred Spirit in place of the visions of "God" that I have been taught.

Yvette

olutosin's picture

It is true....

God is man, that is what we are made to believe. They also made us to think that GOD can never be a woman. That God is a man is why they are forcing us to worship men too.

If not for empowerment, I would be running from pillar to post now, because I have just Tobi and Divine, no boy, I told you that my mother In law told me to have their own child now, I asked, what bout the ones I have, she said, those ones are mine, which means that I am yet to have a child. I told her that her son is free to look for sons elsewhere, I wont have another child because I am looking for a son, I will have another child, when and if we are able to feed that child..... God is a man, holy spirit is a man, Jesus is a man, Mohammed is a man, ah no woman?? God is a spirit, God lives in us, that's my belief

Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town
Lagos-Nigeria

https:

Y's picture

Why do we insist on turning

Why do we insist on turning Spirit into "God?"

Yvette

Jennifer E's picture

Courageous Woman!

My Dear Sister....You have every right to be angry... Use your anger not only to tell your story, but to fuel your cause to be the voice of innocent children. Start your grass roots campaign and continue to tell your story... educate children, and provide a safe haven for children who have suffered just like you and your friend. You are not a victim, But Victorious...

My Dear Sister...You are courageous and strong....

Thanks Jennifer, I appreciate your comment and pass it to my sister too.

My prayer is that she is able to do it.

Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town
Lagos-Nigeria

https:

Jennifer E's picture

Hi

I have been watching the news in reference to the Ebola crisis in Nigeria and other parts of West Africa... I do hope that you are safe... and please take care of yourself... What kind of centre have you founded? And that is wonderful..

olutosin's picture

Thank You

I appreciate your concern about Ebola in Nigeria. I will take care. Thanks. I founded the Transformation Center, where women and children have the opportunity to change their lives for the better.

Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town
Lagos-Nigeria

https:

Magazine »

Read global coverage through women's eyes

Letters to a Better World

Letters to a Better World

Community »

Connect with women on the ground worldwide

womenspace's picture

CAMBODIA: Ordinary Women Can Make a Difference

Campaigns »

Be heard at influential forums

WWW: Women Weave the Web

WWW: Women Weave the Web

Programs »

Help us train women citizen journalists

World Pulse Voices of Our Future

World Pulse Voices of Our Future

Partners »

Join forces with our wide network of partners

Nobel Women's Initiative

Nobel Women's Initiative