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I'm still female, no matter what I wear

I have been, periodically, attempting to recapture some femininity in my wardrobe-I seem to be desperate for it, and every time this happens I look at traditional skirts and dresses etc. and find something I like, buy it and never wear it once because I'm too afraid to wear the darn thing out the door. The only time I actually wear anything remotely "feminine" is to the Renaissance Festival or something special, like a wedding.

This is really odd and frustrating for me. I know I am feminine no matter what I wear, but there is some sort of fear that wearing such a thing will make me more of a sex object rather than just a person. My jeans are my comfort clothes and no matter what sort of resolve I make to wear a skirt or dress the next day to work, inevitably I end up putting on my jeans and covering that offensive piece of cloth I thought I would wear with something else so I don't have to continue looking at it.

Lately, as in the last year or so, I have been really interested in saris. I had a silly idea to wear togas around town to get people to do double takes (a favorite pastime of mine since high school-getting people to do double takes, not wearing togas) and unfortunately there just were no togas for women in ancient Rome, so I looked to saris. I found this great place online called Sari Safari and was entranced by the culture and mystique around the sari. Well, long story short, it will have been an entire year this summer and I still have not bought a sari from that place because I know I'll buy it and it will sit around my closet or chair and never be worn.

This whole thing goes completely against all principles I have about changing people's ideas of women in our culture, and yet I am still paralyzed with fear every time I go out the door in something that is not trouser like. I mean seriously, Queen Elizabeth I wore dresses that could be used as weapons if she were ever in a tight spot and she was not necessarily considered a sex object. She is, in fact, one of my heroines. Cleopatra, another heroin of mine wore dresses-heck, the men of the time all wore kilts-and I'm cringing about people seeing me as a baby-machine. What the heck is wrong with me? Even in high fantasy novels the heroines, whether substantial or not, wear dresses. Science fiction women wear dresses and have no bones about killing, maiming or flying space ships. I feel, at this moment, like such a dweeb. I am unable to stand myself-in fact I am so very annoyed, disgusted and frightened that I fear I will take off the sarong I am currently wearing, don the jeans I had earlier and go to Starbucks.

Great-just what I need, more coffee and comfort clothes.

THESE women are not afraid of their femininity, why the heck am I?


Maria de Chirikof's picture

fashion and coffee

I know what you mean, sometimes I get that feeling with certain outfits. At Christmas the girls got me some of those long skirts sold in those India fashion places that I adore how they look. I don't think I was able to wear them for months afterwards though I loved having them in my closet.

I think it was solved by me not doing my laundry and forgetting I had no clean pants to wear so through it one and went to work. The lady was so surprised since my usual clothes are ones I have had for years and look a bit worn. She raved and I got over that weird feeling and wear them more often now.

I don't know, the clothes made me feel so alive and attractive somehow. I am actually wearing one of the skirts and top now (another I need to do laundry day) and don't mind this 'I feel pretty' feeling so much anymore.

I would love to be able to afford some of the outfits we adore so much. We have a few Kimono sites bookmarked for when we get ahead again and can afford to buy one, the beautiful Chinese outfits in town seem to be made for stick woman since they look like I could maybe fit my arm through the waist on them but we found a site online that sales them in more normal sizes and we are also dying for some of other ethnic looks.

I say, keep the sarong on, go to Starbucks, buy a book or magazine and sit and enjoy a cup of coffee!


Kizzie's picture

Excellent topic Bonnie! I buy

Excellent topic Bonnie!

I buy skirts all the time, but I rarely wear them! I think we are socialized to think of skirts and dresses as feminine and when we were jeans, it takes away from this femininity. I wear jeans most of the time, I feel comfortable and I can't do most of my work in skirts. I think it's not about choosing femininity over masculinity, it's about convenience VS. inconvenience!;)

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