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It is a Deception

Yesterday I spent the entire day – from nine in the morning until six in the evening – sitting in a gym with the man who battered me for over two decades. I did my best to just ignore his presence, focus my thoughts on Jesus, and be thankful for the fact that God has delivered me from my secret life of fear and shame. But as the day wore on, I wore out. I occasionally caught a glimpse of him doing what he does best: Pretending. He smiled warmly as he chatted with the other parents. He told jokes and everyone laughed. He cheered for our son and gave the coach a high five when the moment was right. I am telling you that this guy is good at pretending. He is so good that by the end of the day my head was really messed up.

People who have never been battered often believe that a batterer looks and acts a certain way. He is the made for television movie character who wears a spaghetti stained muscle shirt and swigs Jack Daniels straight out of the bottle. He slaps his woman across the face in public and saunters off to the race track with his obnoxious friends. This is a stereotype, and it is totally off base. The man who vowed to love and cherish me but battered me instead never slapped me in public. He is way too smart for that. He doesn’t drink. He doesn’t gamble. He has a college degree – from a Christian University no less. He is witty, charming, and seemingly humble. But it is a deception. This is how I was able to keep my deep dark secret a secret for so long. He is a pretender, his entire life is a deception, but it still messed me up.

I drove home from the event with a foggy mind, a heavy heart, and a sense of overwhelming doubt about everything. But I have excellent news. All it took was a little time in the presence of Jesus and I am totally restored. I have a clear mind, a light heart, and I am more sure than ever that I am walking in the calling and anointing that God has so clearly placed on my life. And I am not content with simply beating the devil. I beat him, and now I am going to use what he intended to harm me as a weapon against him. That is why I am writing this piece right now.

The truth is that on May 12, 2012, I was on the verge of being murdered in my own home. I hope you never know what it is like to be pursued by someone who has already threatened to kill you, because it is a terrifying experience. My ex had his body pressed against mine and he was chasing me throughout the house. I ran upstairs to get away from him and I felt his hot breath against my neck as he pursued me. I ran downstairs and tried to shut my bedroom door but he kicked it open. He spread his legs apart, crossed his arms and blocked the door so that I couldn’t exit. He told me that he was going to install security cameras all around my home and watch my every move. He told me that I was never going to be allowed to be alone with my sons. He forced me and the children to sit on the couch while he paced back and forth in front of us like a wild animal. He called me names, screamed obscenities at me, and told my sons that I didn’t love them and that I was selfish. He spent the night laying in a sleeping bag strategically positioned by the door to the garage so that I could not get to my car and escape. I stayed awake the entire night. I called the hotline of a local shelter for help and spent the rest of the night wondering how I was going to die. Would I be strangled with the cord of the hair dryer? Was he going to shoot me? Was I to be suffocated by a pillow? The next day I fled to the shelter and spent my Mother’s Day there – alone. This is the truth. The charming guy working the crowd at the tournament is a deception.

Here is another truth. I am set free. I don’t have to sit in a room for nine hours next to a violent man and pretend to be a happy wife. I am no longer afraid of him. Both of my sons are restored to me. His lying spirit and manipulative powers have proven to be no match for the Spirit of the risen Christ who dwells in me. I am more financially secure than I have ever been in my entire life, despite the fact that I am paying him spousal support and child support. I have been delivered from the religious spirit, the spirit of fear, and the spirit of rejection. My Heavenly Father has healed my orphan heart, and I know that I belong to him and that he belongs to me. I have an intimate fellowship with Jesus that is sweeter than honey from the honeycomb. And here is the kicker: I am the warrior that I am because of everything that my ex put me through. He intended it for evil, but God has used all of it for my good. And now I am going use everything that Satan intended for my harm as a weapon against his dark kingdom. How am I going to do that? Proclaim the truth to anyone who will listen: Jesus is real and he does what he said he came to do.

If you know Jesus, run to him. He is your rock. He is your strength. He is your deliverer. In him you have the victory. He has already overcome. He set me free and he will do the same for you. Just call on the name of Jesus. If you don’t know Jesus, run to him. He is standing at the door of your heart right now. He is knocking. Open the door of your heart and let him in. Tell him that you need him and that you want him to be the Lord of your life. Thank him for dying for you and accept his love for you. Just call on the name of Jesus.

When we call on the name of Jesus, things in the spiritual realm change immediately and that has a direct effect on what happens in the natural. The name of Jesus carries an authority like no others. It is the name above all names. All the powers of darkness, including Satan himself, must bow to that name. Satan is a defeated foe. He knows it but he doesn’t want you to know it. When we feel defeated and allow despair to overwhelm our lives we are believing what is false and disbelieving what is true. It is a deception. I pray that the Spirit of revelation will give you the understanding to know that what I have written is true. Don’t believe the deception. Believe the truth because it is the truth that sets us free.

“Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” John 8:32


Greengirl's picture

Hmmmmmmm, Jenny!

Beloved Jenny, you are an exemplary victor, not just a survivor of violence and abuse. Your story is truly touching and I admire your courage and openness. It thrills my heart that so much gain continue to flow from the pain you went through. Thank you for sharing very profound truths with us about your deliverance from a hellish marriage. Is it not rightly said that a good marriage is like heaven on earth, and a bad one hell on earth.

What do you mean when you say that "you are paying him spousal support and child support"? Please kindly clear my confusion if it wont be too much on you.

I have great respect for you Jennifer and send you hearty hugs and much love from Nigeria.


Jennifer Faith's picture

Thank You!

Dear Greengirl,

Thank you so much for the words of encouragement. I really want to convey how much it means to me. If I know I am impacting others in a positive way it helps me to continue fighting the fight. And you read my words correctly - I was ordered by the Superior Court of California to pay my batterer spousal support and child support, even though we share custody of the kids. I have found that there are two types of batterers when it comes to finances. One is the type that will not allow his wife to work outside of the home. He keeps her isolated and bound to him by preventing her from working. The other type is one that does not work and is supported by his wife. He feels very entitled and has no problem watching his wife work herself into the ground while he does nothing. I married the latter. He told me that he had a "business" but it was a failure. I did not know this because I was not allowed to have anything to do with paying bills/ knowledge of finances etc. If I ever tried to assert myself and tell him that I wanted to be involved bad things would happen. Suddenly a hammer would be flying in my direction or the kitchen counter would be cleared with one violent swoop of his arm. So I worked and he flushed the money down the toilet. When things got bad sometimes I had to work nine twelve hour shifts in a row in order to pay the bills and he was fine with this and he mocked me if I ever complained about being fatigued. The reward I received for all the hard work was being ordered to pay spousal support and child support. California is a community property state and they simply plug the woman's earnings and the man's earnings into a computer and whoever makes more has to pay. I tried to testify about the abuse in court because per the law a spouse is not awarded spousal support in cases of domestic violence but his attorney successfully argued against my right to testify and I was never allowed to take the stand. My case is very common. I am helping a woman right now who works full time and supports a man who batters her and has no job. She rides the bus to work and he has a car. I have another friend who's husband was sexually abusing her sons. It was substantiated and even though the courts know that her ex is a predator they force her sons to Skype with him every week. Imagine a court ordering you to talk to someone who raped you every week. It is absolute insanity. After I was defeated in court I was talking with God about what had happened and why he allowed me be defeated. I discerned his voice so clearly and he said "who told you that you were going to get a pass? Women all of the world are being denied justice by the courts. I told you that your rescue was not coming from the courts. I am your rescue. I am your deliverer." And he was right. He has restored me financially and in every other way. I know everything he allows me to endure is for a reason. I can speak into the lives of other women who have been denied justice in the courts and tell them from my own personal experience that God will make a way when there is no way. I hope this clarifies things for you and I thank you again for your love and support.

All God's Blessings,

Greengirl's picture

Much love to you Jenny!

Thank you so for your illuminating response. You are a strong woman and my prayer for you is that you will continue to wax stronger with each passing day. So much is wrong with the laws put in place by man as it behoves my mind that a batterer will be allowed to continue living off the very person he battered. Just as you have come to understand and embrace, God is certainly your deliverer!

It's obvious that you are committed to helping other women live above the pain inflicted on them by their abusers/violators. Keep up your good works!

Blessings and high regards,

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