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VOF Week 3: (Worst Nightmare)

VOF Week 3: (Worst Nightmare)

I really enjoy this citizen journalism thing and eagerly looked forward to the next assignment. When I saw it was about blogs I felt such dread. I pictured blogs as boring things where a person talks about themselves a lot and I have better things to do with my time when online. I wished it was something easy like our journals. But I really wanted to finish this just to say I did so gritted my teeth and tried to keep an open mind. I let my imagination run wild when thinking of new ideas I want to express and tried to picture me doing a blog.

I thought a catchy title for this blog would be ‘Proudly Prehistoric, Baby’ since I want people to remember how they were before others began writing their history for them. I had one friend who said “oh you are New Age” when talking about my spiritual feelings. I laughed and said “No, it is actually prehistoric, baby.” But trying to picture what on earth I could say that would be interesting each day I gave myself a headache.

My biggest challenge is not thinking I understand things so easily since I had not realized my journal here at Pulsewire was an example of a blog. I think I would have dropped out or skipped this assignment since my first thought was ‘well, I could write one about the evils of blogging’ as my point of view for this assignment. How it was a way to get you to think you are really connecting when it is only the illusion of really knowing that person. But when I realized my journal was a blog I really embrace this idea.

My biggest barrier is my low self-esteem where I have to fight the feeling that my thoughts and ideas are worthless and practically have to force my finger to hit the submit button. I think it happens with a lot of woman and that is why I do write them, I want them to know they are not alone and we are here and know what it is like since we have experienced something like it ourselves. That we want to make the world a better place and the way to do that is by letting each woman discover for herself that she is worthwhile and creating a positive image for herself that will spread throughout her community and the world.

So here I find myself an International blogger and loving the experience. If I can help even just one woman find a better life for herself then it is worth those few minutes I have to conquer and battle my feelings of fear and dread. Like discovering that a blog is not the bad thing I thought it was, I hope that a woman reading this will also discover she is not as bad as she thought she was!


Jennifer Ruwart's picture

HTML, baby!

Dear my newest International Blogger friend,

Your journal made me laugh. It made me cry. I hope you always hit submit. And if ever you can't, don't forget I am here to hit it for YOU.


Jennifer Ruwart
Chief Collaborator
JR Collaborations

Maria de Chirikof's picture


My daughters thought it was very funny when I was describing how I was a blogger without even realizing it! That is a relief it is over since this one I dreaded all that night and was lying in my room in the dark wondering if anyone else was getting a migraine feeling trying to write theirs!

Thanks for all your encouragement!


I was reading another ladies VOF3 where she mentioned tags and I finally got what they were for. I thought it meant how we viewed it or something for others and usually choose strength and sometimes awareness, hope, humor and life lessons.

So, this is what we do when we want to find one on 'strength' and the search will show everyone who used it as a tag, then?

(edited in:) and since I am asking, is there a way we can use that 'flag' feature to mark one we want to read again later? I took a quick look at it but it looked like it was for it being offensive and got worried I would tag someone wrongly so backed out of it quickly. Or is that what our 'send this article' (or something like that) means where we can send it to ourselves?



JaniceW's picture

Flags are for offensive posts

Maria, I am glad you asked as "flagging" a post means you find the content offensive, harmful or threatening. By flagging a post, it alerts us and we review the post to determine what action is needed e.g. remove the post, request the author modify the post etc...

If you wish to save a post for later, there are two ways you can do this. You can move your mouse over "share this post" which appears below the member's photo, and then send yourself an email with the website address (url) as the message. Or you can add the page to your "favorites" folder through your internet browser. You are probably using Internet Explorer and all you need to do is save it as a "favorite", label it with a title that you will remember, and then you can click on it in your favorites folder at a later date, and it will take you back to that page. I hope this helps,

ShukThi's picture

you are not alone

Certainly, not alone, dear Maria!

Please read my entry - I will be posting it soon. So similar to yours! (and I love reading your journal, although I don't comment because.... I am too shy!)


Maria de Chirikof's picture

hugs and love

I write it then hit the preview button and call over my daughters to see what they think. I am lucky they don't mind and think they are good and always encourage me.

Never be too shy on mine since I know what that is like! It is why I try to write about my own worries about it so others know that is partly why we are here. It can be nervewracking but also good to feel this connection to others from all over.

I look forward to reading yours!


jap21's picture

Thank God you posted this!

Dear María:

I really have no clue about blogging. In fact, I did not know we were already blogging by writing here! I am afraid I have to admit that being an ignorant about blogging makes me fear it a bit. But reading you encourages me to try harder.

Thanks for openning my eyes in this matter!

Warm regards,


Jacqueline Patiño FundActiva
Tarija - Bolivia
South America

Maria de Chirikof's picture


I love your posts and I agree it is a bit funny to realize we are bloggers without realizing it! My oldest daughters was saying 'Oh, Mom, you are so cute" when I was telling them how I Googled a few blogs trying to research and didn't like any of them and thought there is no way I can do this article! I wished it could be our journals instead of stupid blogs!


ShukThi's picture

finally, I am done!

I feel I need to share my relief and joy at having completed the assignment this week well on time with you! I love reading your posts. They make me laugh, and give me company when I am struggling with this process. And I wrote my first non-assignment blog entry! Yay! Check it out, and tell me what you think.

And about not knowing we were blogging already... actually, I find it less anxiety provoking that it is called a 'journal entry'!


Carole's picture

Never did I imagine.....

I still can't believe that this is really you. You seem to be very brave and sure of what you are doing. I always see so many of your entries and also comments. This is the last thing I would have thought you were going through.

Well we are many in this journey. Am never sure whether what i have submitted is the right stuff. But it is better to try than to give up. We always learn from our mistakes and I know you ain't a quitter. Keep up girl with the good work.

Thanks for you encouraging comments too!!!

It is so hard to explain it since it is like a monster in the back of my mind that rears it's head at certain times and makes me feel so insecure about myself. I worked very hard to change my life and part of why I post is to help other woman not have it so hard for them while getting out.

It would have been so nice to have someone care and offer support back then. I am glad that I am strong and managed to get out and get us this far. For my daughters I can fight anybody but for myself I have to try harder to believe I am worth it, too. I guess it is a series of bad choices over and over again and where it seems that the only thing I have done right is 4 things and that is my daughters!

I wrote one journal called 'Looking Back" where I hoped to show that the bad feelings about yourself do lessen over time and you can move on to a better place.


Nzasu's picture

Hey Miss blogs are my nightmare!

I so agree with you on the blogs things boring! discussion boards,live chats are more like it.
Really can you categorize journals our pulsewire journals as blogs, actually come to think of it they are but they are inherently different form other blogs and here is why.

Pulsewire has an already existing structure where information is where its is and what the user can do is very limited if there at all.Thats a good thing a person who has no experience organizing information on the web which is the majority of users online should not have this control.Secondly Pulsewire has a ready and already existing online audience, who we are forced to interact with, because of the nature of the project.

Tina's picture


Hey Maria,
I think it's fantastic and brave that you are so open about your insecurities. Being open about the real me, my dreams, my insecurities my passions - it all makes me feel very vulnerable... I've been getting quite anxious actually going through this process as I learn to get real and put myself out public...naked! Yikes! But like labour, I'm taking my time to breathe between the contractions!!! It really does help to have you share your own feelings about all of this as we go through this strange and wonderful journey together.
Thanks again for your support and your strength,
Much love

JaniceW's picture

83 Reads!!


Maria de Chirikof's picture

another question

What does NGO mean? I keep seeing this on posts where someone is part of this or that NGO. I figure it must mean something like National/Global/Organization but thought I would ask...

Thanks, as always, for your encouragement! It means a lot to me!

2 of my daughters joined, by the way. One is offline for a while for spiritual reasons but her twin just joined and is enjoying it a lot.

This is my hardest working one who needs to learn she can give herself a break now and then and just enjoy life more!

This is my super shy one who I wrote about in Confronting Fears



gillian's picture

How True

Our words are an extension of our selves. It's hard to walk that line between humility (really, do we all need to express every thought in writing?) and disempowerment (who cares what i think?).

Aren't your thoughts as valid as those of the blowhards who love the "sound" of thier own voices on-line? I'd rather read your thoughts any day. Hit that "submit" button!

Tara's picture


Hi Maria,

I enjoyed being able to read and evaluate your VOF assignment! Your 'challenges' are very insightful and honest, and it takes courage not only to share those thoughts with others, but also to be willing to approach something you are skeptical or hesitant about with an open mind.


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