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Women are the backbone of the family

You never know where the future takes you because you have no control over it. Last night as i was sitted watching tv i was feeling a little low. BUt then i thanked God for what he has given me becasue there are so many people i have met who are not as privileged as i am. I guess when you work with communities that are so disadvantaged after a while you just get depressed because there are too many sad stories.
Last week i met a lady who has two children aged four and two and a half years. Her children are both girls. She told me that she met the father of her daughters when she was studying in a vocational institution to be a caterer. She fell in love with him and immediately moved in with him. Her family abandoned her because they had high hope in her and she let them down. She thought that by following her heart she had made the right decision. Little did she know that along the way she would regret that decision for the rest of her life.
After three months of being a married she became pregnant and later gave birth to her first child. Then she started seeing the true colours of this man who had once captured her heart. He was not the man she fell in love with but she hang in there hoping that it would get better because she had no where else to go.Two years she has her second child and all hell breaks loose.
She claims the man was torturing her psychologically and she went in to depression. She could not work because she had not completed her education. the only job for her to do was to become a house help. Her husband sells second hand clothes for children in the clothes market and makes so much money. He never used to leave her with money, not because he did not have but because he did not want to.
His intention was to deprive her of the basics so that she would leave his house and go back to her parents. Her parents did not want her because she had decided to leave he education and get children with a man.
This lady was referred to me by one of my pastor friends he had been counselling her but she needed to some legal advice on what to do. Her husband wanted her to leave and leave his children behind. I told her that we could apply for custody of the children and ask the court to order him to pay maintenance of the children. However this would be difficult since we don't know how much he really earns but we would try and see how we can get.
When i looked at her face i could see the pain that she was going through, she broke down and cried and told that she loved this man and didn't know what went wrong all the way and really wanted things to be worked out. I told her that the pastor was a very good marriage counsellor and if her husband was willing to visit the pastor they would try and solve the problem.
When she informed her husband this was the last blow. He gave her an ultimatum that when he comes back from work that day he does not want to see her in his house. She called me crying on the phone, she had no money and no where to go. So i sent her some money and she managed to ask her mother if she could keep her children with her as she looks for a job. She carried her belongings out the house she once called home and left with her children to Masaka. Two days later i managed to get her a job as a house maid and was more than delighted to come back to Kampala and work. I have been told that she is very hard-working and knows what she is doing. When i called and talked to her she told me that she is now saving up money to take her first born child to school and she has cried enough for their father and has decided to move on. Hearing her say that made me so happy because she has decided to put her past behind and move on for her sake and most importantly for the sake of her children.
In our African culture we are always told that the man is the head of the house but i believe it is the woman because she is the backbone of the family. It is really rare to find a woman who will abandon her children. I dedicate this article to all the women who have survived domestic violence and have still struggled to move on with their lives. You are the TRUE HEROES.

Comments

jacollura's picture

Thank you for sharing

Anita, thank you for sharing this story. It is indeed difficult for a woman to leave a domestic violence situation. I applaud this woman for her strength and bravery.

Anita Muhanguzi's picture

Thank you

Thank you my dear for the encouragement. Indeed we need more of these women in our world and when we encourage them to speak out then they will be more encouraged to fight against all these human rights violations.

Mrs. Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi
Head of Legal and Advocacy
Centre for Batwa Minorities
a.kiddu@gmail.com
cfmlegal@gmail.com
Skype: mrs_muhanguzi

Mauwa Brigitte's picture

COURAGE

Anita Muhuanguzi,

I read your story and I encourage you to go on and for women learn to defend themselves for equal gender rights and renvendiquer learning law sexual violence.

Brigitte

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