VOF Week 2: (My mom told me, never to become like her)

Tina Napitupulu

Never ending stories

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• husband
• Marriage
• silent
• wife

I remember when I was a lot younger, at the age 8 or 9 years old, each time my mother was crying, she held my arms tight and looked at me straight in the eyes and told me not to become like her. At that time, I was not understood of what she was saying. As I grew up, I learned that my mother did not feel happy about her marriage but she was not able to tell anyone about it but me, her only daughter.

As a family we lived quite well, never lack of things. My father was working in a transnational corporation and his work kept him busy. While my mother was a full time house wife with four children. She took care of everything by herself. Tired, but she could not complain. By our traditional values, husband looks for money and wife stays home, taking care of the children, the laundry, and the meal. Everything. With that mounted works in her hand, she had not time left for herself, not even to go out and make friends. She was all alone.

Now and then, my father asked her out, but she hated the occasion. The dinners were always for his work sake, and usually with some foreign couples. My mother, a high school graduate with no English course to followed, did not understand any of their conversation. She finished her costly meal without a word. Even in the public live, she felt alone. And again, she did not tell anyone about it, because she did not want to embarrass her husband, for the neighborhood will think she is stupid.

Silent most of the time, she once actually tried to talk to my grandmother about it. But my grandmother said to her, that she should be thankful, because my father, unlike any husband in our ethnic group, did not hit her. After that day, my mother decided not to share her burden to my grandmother which long ago, was the one who matched her with my father.

Not to become like her, is what I do now. I refuse to be matched with stranger. Even though my mother complains about this, but I keep by my stand. I refuse to be forced doing something which I do not agree upon. I refuse to keep silent if I have different opinion or feeling about something. So here I am, with all of you, joining Voices of Our Future, sharing my stories, to learn from the world. To be what my mom said, not to become like her because silence kill.