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just the other day at a bukka(local restaurant) I overheard a couple of guys talking about how they had to get married so as to have someone who cooked and cleaned for them wanting to know more and get their opinions, I walked up to them and asked them what was the major reason they wanted to get married and the answer was so she could cook! This was at about 10pm, so I said imagine if I was married and I’m just getting home after work at this time would you still want me to cook for you? One of them said “you would have to quit that job”

it came as a surprise to me and at the same time not as a surprise because though these guys were obviously well educated, they’re still clinging to the old mentality of getting married so as to get a worker in the house . A majority of marriages today still take place not because the man has seen a companion and a helper, but because he needs a worker not even a helper. Because in order to look for a helper it means you are willing to do some of the work.

Most guys I asked agreed that in this our present economy it is essential for a woman to join the workforce to alleviate some of the financial burden however , most still wanted her to do as much as, if not more than what the full time house wives of the 90s were doing. I usually say to them imagine how tired you are when you get home what makes you think shes not as tired or more tired? While it is the woman’s marital obligations to be the home maker, how about assistance from you African men? How about cutting her some slack?

True as wives and mothers we have to create and maintain a balance in our working hours but life is very unpredictable and anything could come up that would make us get home later than usual or we could have a particularly grueling day. Hence the need for us to educate our men that we cant do it all always!

Interestingly , when our men marry foreigners i.e white women they are more than willing to pull their weight in the house hold chores and caring for the babies. I have personally studied several couples where the husband is Nigerian, and was quite surprised to see them very domesticated willing to carry the baby and the carryon bag in public while their wives walk beside them empty handed. Guys why are you willing to assist in the house when you have white wives and behave as Lords and Kings when you have Nigerian wives?

Ladies how can we educate our men that assisting in the house isn’t a sign of weakness on their part?


I love the way you showed that a woman is a helper and not a worker.
Really good one!


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