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Family is Where Life Begins and Love Never Ends

Winter, a season where people will have peace of mind, gathers in clean premises with cup of tea and snacks. It is obvious to see the curved smiles on the faces of people, since they are relaxing after a tiring month of work. The snow makes the place just like heaven, covering everything with super white snow. I feel like my place is the same as in the movies where the scenes are shot in the winter season. Everything looks sparkling white with a mixture of a nightingale’s melody. We feel the cool breeze that makes us more active and energetic. My cheeks grew pinkish red, the same as my mates around me. We are wearing sweater gloves and a sweater hat to protect our heads from getting cold. I am even wearing cotton pants with a thick feather coat, which used to be my favorite and thick boots to keep my feet warm. My mate looks so funny with the huge sweater coat since she is not that healthy, she is almost drowning into the jacket.
I should say those are the happy days of my life where I could spend my days with my complete family and mates. For me, when my family is complete, they are just more than perfect and I don’t expect any more than this. My mom is the world’s most patient. No matter what I have done to her or at home she has the patience to wait and listen and then clear everything up. Once when i was so hungry and when I got back home there is no cooked food for me. I was so angry that I shouted and scolded her like anything. It’s not her mistake as she went to work outside. She was not angry the time I shouted; instead she started to cook for me. Today when I think back and compare myself with her, I am nothing in front of her. She is still the same today. I salute her for her patience. My father, he is the first man I ever loved so much in my life. He is not just a man for me; he is my love, my horse, my hero, my superman, spider man, my teacher and my best friend too. I used to be on top of world when my father came to pick me from the school. He used to carry me on his shoulder and I felt like I was flying in a plane. He is the one from whom I learnt many proverbs in our language and I used to debate with him over the proverbs he taught me. Though I don’t know much, when it comes to winning, I should be the one who has to win every time. Father is someone who just smiles and lets his daughter be the winner, even if she is not able to win. For me, father is the one man who understands me more than myself and sacrifices himself for me. This is the reason why I can’t stand alone in this world without him. Those were the days of my life that were so called “perfect,” but there is always something unexpected that comes after the perfect.
It was in during my childhood when I could vividly recollect the giant figure of my father. I used to call him “Apa”, which literally means “father.” I love riding on his back, and it gave me the pleasure of riding on a horse, but I did not feel scared when I rode on my fathers’ back, where as I would if I rode on a horse. One cloudy day, with little hailstones, everybody was at home near the chimneys with hot tea. I enjoyed playing in hail with friends and I suddenly saw huge changes in him, his giant strong figure and the energetic face turned out to be skinny and pale. I didn’t have the courage to go and ask him, and even if I did I knew he would make up a story and never let me know. So I asked my mother, but she never told me since she never wants to break my heart. She knew how strong we shared a relation as father and daughter. I still was not bothered and continued playing with mates. In the evening, when I got back home, I was eavesdropping and heard them talking about the “Jaundice.” Back then I was not sure what that could be. I thought it that might be people with yellow eyes and sees everything yellow. I asked my sister and brother, but both tried to change the topic and never wanted me to be broken into pieces. They always said that I was underage to know that and shut my mouth at once. As a youngest child in the family, everyone’s love and care was more than enough. I was carefree and never thought something serious would happen, even in my dream I have never dreamt of something dangerous, but then things happen according to time, and we can never change that.
One afternoon when I came home from my play ground I could not find my mother and father, usually I used to see them first. I asked about them but people replied saying they would be back soon. I felt so lonely at home without them. Their absence for one day seemed a year for me. Home is never a home without them. The dusk was approaching and still they did not return home. At night some neighbors came to our house and were consoling my brother and sister, since they were older than me and knew everything but no one did tell me. I was envy inside and was wondering what was going on. I kept on asking about father and mother but none replied to me. The next day, mother has returned home with pale face and I could not see father any more with her. I asked her but she was not in position to answer me. I searched him and looked for him around the house and as usual and I was expecting some gifts too as he used to bring for me every time. He could afford to forget anything but never forgot a small gift for me whenever he went out. This is my dad’s one character that spoiled me and made my elder siblings envious of me and my gifts. I was with the full expectation of his returning home and I never lost hope too. I shouted and called him like anything but there wasn’t a single voice of my father. I was so positive that instead looking for him, I started to imagine my dad’s gift when he came home. I imagined curly doll with bulging eyes, as he knew I always loved to play with dolls.
Sometime later, I was walking through the room lazily and my eyes still searching for him, suddenly saw mother weeping. I did not ask her anything; instead, I tried to concentrate on their conversation. But inside of me I really could not see her crying. All I heard was that they went to the hospital for the treatment and unfortunately he could not survive since he was in last the stage. I heard that they were too late to go for the treatment and there is no way to get a cure. The moment I heard the word “no more,” what I felt was nothing .I was numb and motionless. I felt as if I had been drugged by nicotine. I felt so incomplete. I was not able to believe what they were saying right in front of me, since he was perfectly fine in front of me and he even played in the hail with me. I was not at all in a position to believe and take what had happened on earth. He was right in front of me yesterday and disappeared today from the earth seemed like a dream for me. I wished that everything was just a "Bad Dream" and nothing else. I was not in a condition to trust anyone at the moment. I felt as if I were the only one person in this big world, and everything seemed so dark and dull for me. The voices of people seemed unclear to my ears and I could feel nothing, I could see things so blur. I felt as if I no longer had the desire to live any longer. The flash backs came knocking on me and said that father is still alive and will come back with gifts to me.
I could see my mother in a very pathetic condition; she was not eating at all and was not able to cry also. Her face looked like a fleshless face. To her it seemed that her right hand was lost in the wonderland. Father was one always lend and has always been supportive and supported mother since their marriage was love marriage and promised to stay and grow old together. But sometimes luck never favors for those who have true love. I could feel the pain in mother’s eye, the inner pain which is most painful. Her mouth was dry, lips crack and she even did not drink water as I remember the time she returned from the hospital. She looked like that the loneliest person in the world, even more than me. I could not do anything at that moment. I went near her and sat close to her, but no words came out from my mouth and I should say my mother tried her best to pretend as if nothing had happened. She tried to act as normal as she could but I as her daughter can always understand the feelings that are undergoing inside her. The food she at seemed tasteless and her speech seemed meaningless, but still she tried her best to be in the best way she can. No one will know the pain she went through.
As a child, what I wished the most is to play again with my father like before and piggy back on him like the other children in my place do. Father meant a lot to each and every child and the way they value and the way they care. It took a lot for to regain my normal situation. Whenever I went out and played with my mates in play ground I could see their fathers coming towards them after the work and piggy back them. Whereas I would be left alone and finally my only brother, who was the most hardworking at home after father, would come and carry me like my dad used to. But can never be like dad. For me, no man can take place of my dad. Sometimes brother scolds me and I yell back at him, without knowingly, and I feel very bad. My brother play two roles at a time; studying at school during the day time and working at home on weekends to help mother and other people to reduce their workload. When he was in class six attending his Board Exam, did not get time to prepare for the Exam. He was engaged in the field work throughout which was supposed to be done by father. He selflessly helped everyone and never mind to do the hardest work. Though he was not a nerd, he used to obtain a good result and everyone likes and appreciates him for his success and I consider him as my role model after father. I have a wish that I can go back to my life at that time when I was with my complete family, climbing on dad’s tall back and having dinner with all my family members.
In my primary school, I had a hard time leading a life without dad. It is important for us to mention our father’s name since he is important person in the family, and when it comes to me in school and filling out forms where I have to mention my father’s name, I used to have a pain that nobody in the world could have experienced. A notion always comes within me that without a father, the world is incomplete for me and my family. It makes a lot difference and I wish I could bring him back and let my family be in the same condition as before .Unfortunately, I am not a magical angle, where I can make everything as before.
It is important to know that everything does not happen according to what one wishes and what one desires to be. Everything happens in its own way and there is no one that can prevent things from happening. There are things that happen for the good and there are things that happen for the bad. It’s important to realize that life is not permanent and will go on forever, but it is just temporary: we exist in the world for some time and will vanish after some time. It is important to know that every person will pass through the same path but the difference is in variation of time. But still, when I look back on the day he completely left me behind, I could not still think of it and wonder why he left me so early and went on his own path. That day has left me with full of confusion and has impacted my life greatly. I always wish that I could cast a spell where I can bring him back to my family, but that wish is just a wish and will always be left as a wish. Now I realize that my wish is not a thing that I can easily wish and get fulfilled. But some time, somewhere in corner of the country I can hear people saying “children, everything happens, happens for good reason,” but I cannot really consider this as a good thing that happened to me, since it has created a hole in my heart for not having a gentleman father in my life. The hole can be never removed from me. Even in the society, people tend to look down on the kids who do not have a father. They have the notion that the kids with fathers are superior than the fatherless kid. I, too, had to go through all these consequences. I face them bravely and accepted everything that came on my path.
The most awful pain in my life that still exists is not being able to grow up with man who loves me more than himself, and the man who is willing be a horse for her daughter at any extent. There may be thousands and thousands of talented men, but no one will have the special quality that my dad possessed. No one will have the same heart as he has; there may be a man whose heart is bigger than him, but for me no one can be compared with him since he has imprinted a strong feeling on my heart. The feeling he imprinted on my heart is like a print on a stone which will last forever, and I still miss him a lot.

The quote knocks me hard when I see my mother alone in this world;“I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me: watching my spouse grow old with me.” and the song "I wanna grow old with you" by West Life knocks me so hard and reminds me of my mother.

Comments

Emily Garcia's picture

Love

Hello Kencho Zam,

Thank you for sharing this beautiful, touching, and heartbreaking story of your loving family. I am very sorry for the loss of your father. You share your mother's strength and compassion. I look forward to reading more from you soon.

Warm wishes,
Emily

Emily Garcia
World Pulse Online Community Associate

jampa's picture

Keep sharing

Dear Kencho,
Your story is emotionally contagious and powerfully connecting with your readers.
Your details of great and touching moments are intertwined so beautifully, please keep sharing more and I am sure there are so many readers and World Pulse community need story tellers like you because people are educated through your story telling.
Well done,
Best wishes,
Jampa

kencho Zam's picture

Thank you

Dear Emily and Jampa,

Thank you so much for taking time and going through my story. I will keep on writing.

Love,
Kencho

Susan K.A.'s picture

Thank you for sharing your story

Dear Kencho,

My heart feels very full with love and sadness after reading your words. It's true that all of us have to go through incredible loss and heartbreak in our lifetimes, at one time or another. We know on one level that it is inevitable, part of life, but until it happens it doesn't seem real.

Though it's always so incredibly painful to have a loved one taken from us, perhaps it is not quite as hard when we have a clearer idea that they will die soon, and we are able to share our feelings with each other and reminisce about the moments we shared together on this earth. But you didn't get this opportunity, and it seems to me that this has made your loss all the harder on you.

Thank you for writing about your experience and expressing the depth and complexity of your feelings to us. Kencho, I wish that you may experience peace and joy, even among your immense sorrow.

WIth love,
Susan

______________________________________________________________________________

"I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being."
-Hafiz

Susan K.A.'s picture

and I love the title of your post

"Family is Where Life begins and Love never ends."
So true!

______________________________________________________________________________

"I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being."
-Hafiz

kencho Zam's picture

Thank you

Dear Susan,

Thank you so much for going through my story. Thank you so much.

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