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Introducing myself and my journal: the road less travelled

About Me:
I am a wanderer from India, the child of my mother Sunanda, a racialized queer woman, a gender warrior for peace and love, navigating this bewildering world as I try to dance myself back whole again.

My Passions:
feminism, social justice, movement and theater

My Challenges:
Trying to find the optimal way for me to make change; Accepting and being accepted for my whole self

My Vision for the Future:
A day when gender, race and nationality are not considered categories for human beings

My Areas of Expertise:
interscetional identities, gender-based violence, community organizing

Comments

Maria de Chirikof's picture

dancing image

I love that line 'as I try to dance myself back whole again." since it is a beautiful image of this struggle we go through. Instead of doing a forced march we can make it a fun journey and if you think of the variety of dances around you can feel like it is easier to try new things.

How did you decide on 'the road less travelled'? I like that image too. I look forward to reading your journal entries,

Maria

ShukThi's picture

On the journey without a map

That's how I feel a lot of the time. And although the poem The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost is interpreted differently by the experts (and they know everything, right?), to me it always evoked risk-tasking, and choosing a path that was unexplored.

Almost everyone in my immediate and extended family growing up were in the sciences or other 'professional' work. I always leaned more towards the arts and social justice, but did not know how to do that for a living. When I finally took that step by myself, it was very scary and I feel I do not have too many models to follow.

I could say the same about many other choices in my life. I usually seem to go through a period of longing for something, holding back anxiously, and then taking an irrevocable step into the unknown. But every turn brings me closer and closer to who I really am. And that's what it's all about, right?

Anyway, that's why I chose that title for my journal. And that's why I chose the photograph as well. That's me on a road!

My hope and intent is to be gentle with myself in the journey, and enjoy the process.. hence the 'dancing' metaphor. Oh, and I love dancing, have been dancing all my life!

Thank you so much for your interest and your questions. I love this idea of PulseWire. Not only do we get to speak... we get listened to, as well! There are real connections happening here, and I really value that.

Soumya

Maria de Chirikof's picture

I agree

It is one thing I try to teach my girls that it is ok to want things that are not the 'norm'. They are very into Mangas, Japanese graphic novels, and are working on a few to someday publish where I am into writing mysteries since I love them a lot and think they are so fun and interesting. I tried to encourage the girls to try writing one but they didn't enjoy it like I do, it was just an assignment to them. But Mangas really interest them a lot and they want to create a few and get them published sometime and I think that is great.

It is also what I like about this place is sharing with others I would never had met otherwise. I really liked your picture and someday if we can find the cord that connects our digital camera to our computer I will put one up. I like that one standard image a lot though, it is like a soul singing so I will keep it but will add my picture to a post someday. the girls want to draw some for me as they are very into art. I always wonder what they will draw!

I think your description about longing, anxiety then going for it is a good one since I go through that too. That moment just before and just after deciding to do something you really want are both important though. I think the first helps us see if it is something real or just something interesting to us and that moment after is a feeling of acceptance that makes us feel it was the right thing to do even if it will mean some hard work.

I loved your article and can't wait to read more!

Maria

ShukThi's picture

Dont' we ever sleep?!!

Hi maria

This is so exciting, making a new friend!

You write so well. i would so buy that mystery novel you are planning to publish!

I should go to bed soon, though. I have a long day at work tomorrow.

Later
Soumya

Maria de Chirikof's picture

sleep habits

It is funny since I sometimes think I am part nocturnal since my creativity seems to flow most strongest when it is nighttime. I usually go with about 5-6 hours of sleep a night then once a week when I have a morning off sleep in. I have been luxuriating this last week by sleeping in an extra hour since I have not started with a new morning person. It is funny since instead of my novels I wanted to get to work on the computer games I am starting to develop.

I love them though work hard to teach my daughters about getting lost in them since time can go so quickly when playing one. It seems like you have just started and find your turn is over. And a lot of problems can stem from getting too into them and not interacting with other people their own age, in a face to face kind of way. But it is what I like about them that you can get lost in another world for a short time like that. I think a lot of games though seemed to be geared for teenage boys instead of woman too. I love programming and wanted to learn it but also right then was when I had my daughters (4 in 3 years) so put it on hold. It is fascinating to see the advances in technology made over all those years though.

I am actually developing 2 different games, one is a pretty simple one but contains tons of dialogue to make each character more real. A lot of the characters are there all the time and as you build your farm up you also decide which type of people come to visit and move into the area. Figuring out unique personalities for them is a lot of fun though and I enjoy it but haven't done as much as I want to with it. Time is always a huge factor I think for everyone.

The lady I work for at night has Dementia and a lot of my time is just keeping her company. Sometimes she loves to talk and others to just listen to music and she worries I am bored since I usually am just sitting there thinking and waiting for when she wants to talk or do something. I tell her not to worry since it may seem I am just sitting there bored and doing nothing my mind is actively creating the characters for my games. She says she has never played one and I think that is true for a lot of woman and think it is because not enough games have been designed with just them in mind. It makes her feel good to know I am not bothered by her silence and am always eager when she wants to talk again.

The game I am most interested in creating though is a role playing one set in a sort of fantasy version of Alaska. It is very fun creating it and imagining it as a real place even though things like goblins do not really exist it is fun to create characters that are 'real'.

I always think it is funny how I can write like this but in person I would feel like I was being incredibly rude for talking about myself so much! I guess with writing I feel the person can stop reading and come back when she wants or not again so it frees me to say as much as I want.

I was going to post one about 'boundaries' but haven't figured out exactly what I want to say yet. Maybe tonight I will write it up. I was going to last night but didn't get home until after 10 and felt too tired to do more then read a few posts on here.

That is interesting since I was reading another ladies post to you and did not realize you were lesbian. I thought you meant you were raised by one and that gave you your viewpoint for it. Back in my early 20's I used to wonder if I was or not. I think I decided it was friendship and companionship that always drew me to woman since it was always groups of woman and not just one in particular. It is funny since my daughters asked me once if I was a lesbian. I think we were talking about healthy relationships and I think I made a joke about if I married again it would be to a Chinese man who cooks since I really love Chinese food and the Chinese culture. I guess it was not picturing myself marrying again that made them ask. I told them I was not sure since I picture more of a community of woman then just one so probably not but nothing against it. I have no idea how I will feel when I feel I am 'over' the effects of my marriage though. I can remember we were talking about it since a few of our family are gay but they are ones I hardly ever see much. I tease them I am a bit anti-social and mix that with shyness and...

It is funny since I have my novel pictured in my mind, up to 3 different books of the series so think once I start writing it it will go more smoothly since she is already flesh and blood in my mind. the first one I wrote took me about 3 years but then I read one almost exactly like it and the same with the next 2. I told the girls the best thing is each tie it took a bit less so think once I start writing it I hope it will take me about a year or so to finish it.

Wow, I can go on and on, can't I? How are things there?

hugs,

Maria

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