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A letter to my best friend: Let's stop the cycle of rape in your family

My dearest friend,
How are you doing today my sister? I know you are not ok, but please try and find a way to keep your heart at peace. Ever since you told me about what happened to you and your daughter, I have not had peace too. I am sorry I have not been able to help you solve this burning issue...this is because I lack a solution myself. My dear friend, thank you for confiding in me.

You told me that when you were about 8 years old, you were raped. As a little village girl who was brought to a big city by her aunt, you only wanted to trace your aunties office when she did not come to pick you up from school as usual. It was getting dark, but human forces of darkness took advantage of your naivety, offered you a lift, and raped you in a football field, close to your house. You told me you had not even known the use of a vagina and a penis. You told me you did not even know that what he was doing was really bad. You said you realized it was a bad thing when after doing it, he drove his car away speedily. You said before he drove away speedily he pointed your house to you...you didn't even know that you were close to your house. You told me as you walked to your house, you felt some wet warm stuff running down your thigh. You said this was sperm, mixed with blood. You said when you got home, you were so shocked, confused, and in pains. Your aunt asked where you had been and you told her you had been trying to trace the house. She asked you to take your bath, eat, and sleep. You said washing down there was so painful, so you left it like that and went straight to the bed. You concluded that this man sure knew your aunt so well, because he picked you in front of your aunt's office, and knew where exactly your aunt stayed. Sad enough, you never told anyone, but 24 years later you picked up the courage to tell me.

My dear sister, the reason why you told me this story was because something was happening to your daughter whom you had at teenage. You said your daughter was raped at age 3 in a kindergarten by the school watchman, a man as old as your grandfather. Your daughter was not only raped, she was infected with Syphilis. You remembered how purse was coming out of her vagina and that it took you and your family a very long time to discover that she was raped. You said your daughter told you that "Uncle in our school put a stick in my pee-pee." The watchman was the only male in that school and all the children called him "uncle in our school." When you reported the incidence to the administration, the proprietress said you wanted to spoil the name of her school and the watchman disappeared. You have not set eyes on him until date. You said because they couldn't administer adult dose of medication to your daughter, it took about 2 years for the syphilis to be completely cured, and this was only after an adult dose was finally administered.

My sweet friend, your daughter is now 17 years but you have not gathered the courage to tell her what happened to her. When she was 15, she came home and told you that they have asked them to tell their parents about a vaccine that would be administered to virgin girls in the school, she needed your permission. You asked her not to take it. But you went into the room and cried because you could not explain to her WHY!!

You explained to me that you know your child will some day have a boyfriend/husband and have sex. But you are asking yourself, "What if she tells this guy that she was a virgin and in the course of having sex she and the guy discover she wasn't." You say this will be very traumatic to her, and you know it. You say she will ask herself a million questions and this will affect her.

As she grows older, your worries grow bigger. My sister, I am also worried. What do we do?
I once advised you to seek the help of a psychologist...you still have not gathered the courage to do this. But time is running out and we know it.

Unfortunately, none of the rapists were punished for their actions. They are all unknown. The proprietress of your daughter's school made matters worse in your daughter's case. She was more interested in the reputation of her school than in the well-being of a 3 year old. OMG! Why is the world like this?

My dear sister, let's take action in our hands. Let's face it and save the soul of our innocent 17 year old daughter. But then, what do we do? Must she know about this? I think she should know. I am thinking of a psychologist that we could meet and talk to. What do you think. Meanwhile I have taken it as a duty to advocate against child abuse through the social media, please join me let's do this. You told me history keeps repeating itself, lets stop the repetition of history!

It shall be well my dear friend and sister.
Sending you loads of love like never before.

Your best friend.
Nakinti.

Comments

olutosin's picture

My take...

Thanks Sister,

I do not know what is actually wrong in not being a virgin for a girl, in a world where men are allowed to sample as many girls as they want. Then who will marry these girls that were sampled by these men looking for virgins??

It baffles me to still think that we take that as an issue, is the future husband going to be a virgin too??? Will the boy be asked if he is a virgin before marrying her???

Please lets cut off, this line of argument! It is gender based violence. As far as I am concerned, a girl is not a virgin because of a man, it is a personal decision. Personally, if the rape has no effects on the girls, do you really think that it is necessary for her to be told, especially if her mother is not strong enough to tell her???

I would have summon the courage if it were me, it is still good that she seek professional advise

There is this thing about rape, I learn from Margie Mckinnon the founder of the lamplighters, there is a kind of cycle that follows victims of rape, that is why it is necessary to seek professional advise so that the girl will know how to deal with her children, protect them so that they do not suffer same fate. Its a strange world.

A sexual abuse that happened when she was 3 years old, has nothing to do with her vaginal anymore, the only issue is the psychological effects, if she is able to keep herself, haba, its more than a decade.

The Rapists
May God punish the rapists, may the suffer untold hardship in their lifetime. May all rapists commit suicide. AMEN.

Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town
Lagos-Nigeria

https:

Nakinti's picture

Dear sis Olu, May God punish

Dear sis Olu,
May God punish the rapists...that is my prayer.
Thanks
Nakinti

Nakinti B. Nofuru
2013 VOF Correspondent
Reporter for Global Press Institute
Bamenda - Cameroon
Email: nakinti@globalpressinstitute.org
nakintin@yahoo.com

HOPE tOWELA's picture

What a Touching Story

My Sister,

I dont even know where to start from, but I know and believe that God will never give you something you can not handle , as you are going through , this trying moment God is with you and the girl. It is not easy for you, let alone the one who has gone through , this heart breaking experience.

Something has been taken away from them and they have no power over what happened, years ago, but they can do something now, because God has promised us that he will never foresake us.

You will have to pray and ask God to give you the strength, courage, knowledge and wisdom, on how to handle this, if you will decide to talk to her. Before you engage a psychologist make sure you pray for her and your self. It is not her fault that she was raped, years ago, she had no control or power over what happened.

You are both strong God will make a way for you, just trust him. We need a lot of publicity in schools especially girls schools.

Wishing you God's Blessings in everything you are doing we are with you and God is in control.

Hope.TMT

Nakinti's picture

Thank you hope

Dear Hope,
Thank you so, so much for this message of courage and hope.
We have been praying about this for so, so long, and we believe God will find a way to give peace to the sufferers.
You are right, there should be widespread publicity. This may help in awareness and protection.
My friend has lived with this pain for more than 2 decades.
I pray she finds peace.
Thank you Hope.
Sending you love from Cameroon

Nakinti B. Nofuru
2013 VOF Correspondent
Reporter for Global Press Institute
Bamenda - Cameroon
Email: nakinti@globalpressinstitute.org
nakintin@yahoo.com

HOPE tOWELA's picture

YOU ARE WELCOME

I know it is not easy, I have been there, we just have to persevere and have FAITH, then take ACTION, TRUST God and lastly ENDURE.

With God all things are possible.

Stay Blessed

Love Towela

Hope.TMT

William's picture

girls raped

Dear Nakinti, wonderful letter, have you published it in a newspaper or anywhere? The world needs to read this story, so people realize that they (we all) need to help stop rape everywhere. I encourage you to publish this, with the person's permission you sent it to. Well written and concise.
blessings,
William

Nakinti's picture

Wonderful proposal William!

Hey William,
Thank you for your proposal...you just got me thinking about how to get this article on a newspaper page.
.........I am thinking now.
I will sure call my friend first to seek her permission
Thank you William
Regards
Nakinti

Nakinti B. Nofuru
2013 VOF Correspondent
Reporter for Global Press Institute
Bamenda - Cameroon
Email: nakinti@globalpressinstitute.org
nakintin@yahoo.com

William's picture

publication of your article

Good for you, Nakinti. Best of luck
William

lydiagcallano's picture

Horrifying!

Rape cases is sad news but for the victims, the experience is simply horrifying! I can feel for your friend and those other innocent girls.

Yes, I agree that they should seek professional help but if the rapists can be put to justice, the victims can heal faster psychologically because they will feel vindicated by God. So I hope those perpetrators are thrown into jail!

Ma. Lydia G. Callano
Iloilo, Philippines
+63 33 3158137 or 5138830

Nakinti's picture

Thank you Lydia

Dear Lydiagcallano,
Thank you for also acknowledging that my friend seek professional help.
I will call her again and reiterate the need for us to seek professional help.
As for victims, I wonder whether they can ever be found. Her own pepetrator, she knows nothing about him.
Her daughter's rapist may even be dead because when she was raped, the man was already above 55 years old.
Thanks for your proposal, Lydia.
Love.
Nakinti

Nakinti B. Nofuru
2013 VOF Correspondent
Reporter for Global Press Institute
Bamenda - Cameroon
Email: nakinti@globalpressinstitute.org
nakintin@yahoo.com

ccontreras's picture

Thank you for sharing

Your letter to your best friend truly brought me to tears. I wish nothing more than for these rapists to be punished for their actions, for stealing the innocence of young girls. I also find it horrific that the school administrators were more concerned with their reputation and that of the watchman instead of reporting him to the police. But I do wonder, would he even be prosecuted? Sometimes it seems a girl has to continuously carry the pain of being raped unharmed in order for it to be a "strong case" for court. I really hope that your friend will be able to one day tell her daughter what happened and perhaps the two can advocate for other women who have gone through the same experience as a child. We need to advocate to stop child rapes!
With all my love to you and your loved ones,
Cynthia x

"I embrace emerging experience. I am a butterfly. Not a butterfly collector." - Stafford

Nakinti's picture

Thank you dear ccontreras

Ccontreras dear,
Like you, I cried a bucked full as I was writing this letter...[still crying].
It would have been the best thing for us to see the rapists punished.
I think the proprietress should also be persecuted because she actually made the watchman to runaway.
Capitalism is killing us...personal business are more important than human lives.
My dear, thank you for sharing your support.
Sending you love from Cameroon.
Nakinti

Nakinti B. Nofuru
2013 VOF Correspondent
Reporter for Global Press Institute
Bamenda - Cameroon
Email: nakinti@globalpressinstitute.org
nakintin@yahoo.com

busayo's picture

ACTIONS! ACTIONS!!

Yes, you are right sister, we need to take action but we need God's help. This is a wonderful and word of encouragement to the sister in agony. I pray that she will be encouraged. We just finished a case in my place recently, a 9 year old raped. The proprietress was the one who got lawyer for the rapist, she want to protect her school. Imagine!! we eventually lost the case because the proprietress is influential. God helping us, we will not keep silent. Thank you sister for the nice letter.

Regards
Busayo

Busayo Obisakin
Women inspiration Development center
Ile-Ife, Nigeria
busobisaki@yahoo.com
womeninspirationcenter@gmail.com
http://womeninspirationce.wix.com/widcng

Nakinti's picture

What a world!

Can you imagine, Busayo!
That a proprietress will buy a lawyer to defend a rapist? What is the world turning into? OMG!
I feel really sad knowing that women have lost the sense of humanity.
May God protect us and save us.
Busayo, thank you for sharing this, and thank you for reading my post.
With Love.
Nakinti

Nakinti B. Nofuru
2013 VOF Correspondent
Reporter for Global Press Institute
Bamenda - Cameroon
Email: nakinti@globalpressinstitute.org
nakintin@yahoo.com

Sarah Whitten-Grigsby's picture

Dearest Nakinti . . .

. . . your letter is heartbreaking and strong and true. To tell us this staggering story is, in itself, a way of helping your dear friend, I feel. Because you have spoken out and many of us will read this story, more action will be taken to try to protect girls in the future.

This devastating treatment of defenseless young girls is such a rampant injustice! We all must stand up, join hands and work together to put an end to it.

Nakinti, you are not only courageous and eloquent and an advocate for all women, but also such a good friend to others.

I am so grateful for the time you took to write this story and to give it to us, so that we can share your friend's grief and that of her daughter and we can send them deep love and comfort.

I bow to you, Dearest Nakinti, and to your friend and her daughter. May all daughters the world over be respected and allowed to live fully and to reach their fullest potential.

In solidarity,

Sarah

Nakinti's picture

Wonderful, Sarah

Lovely Sarah,
When ever I read from you, I feel the warmth and unique power of the Lord in my spirit.
You always offer such consoling and solutions oriented responses
I can't thank you and my sisters of world pulse enough for this show of true sisterhood.
My friend will surely feel better when she reads all the comments here.
May there be a way for defenceless girls to find justice in our highly capitalist states.
Thank you sarah...
I bow to you too, dear Sarah, for always making me feel strong

With love from Cameroon
Nakinti

Nakinti B. Nofuru
2013 VOF Correspondent
Reporter for Global Press Institute
Bamenda - Cameroon
Email: nakinti@globalpressinstitute.org
nakintin@yahoo.com

Sarah Whitten-Grigsby's picture

Extra Major Love To You!

Dearest Nakinti,

I'm sending you Extra Major Love. Stay strong, You ARE strong and have much to give to the world.

Take care of yourself, too, for you are sacred, Nakinti.

- Sarah

bitani's picture

awful

Nakitni,

this is a very sad story, but the saddest part is that none of the rapists was punished.

Please tell your friend, your sister, that she is a very brave woman for speaking up. I hope days will be brighter to both her and her daughter.

best,

Bayan

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."
—Judy Garland

Nakinti's picture

Very, very awful

Bayan,

You are right...the saddest part is that none of the rapists was punished.

I feel the pain inside.

I will convey your message to my friend and I am sure she will get stronger.

Thank you Bayan, thank you.
Love.
Nakinti

Nakinti B. Nofuru
2013 VOF Correspondent
Reporter for Global Press Institute
Bamenda - Cameroon
Email: nakinti@globalpressinstitute.org
nakintin@yahoo.com

Mila's picture

sad and angry

Hi Nakinti,

Wow, it is hard to know where to begin with a story as deeply honest and emotional as yours. I am so sad for your friend and her daughter and at the same time I am so angry for what happened to them. We must stand together to fight the culture of rape. History does not have to repeat itself. Does your friend know that you have shared her story? If so please do tell her that there is a whole community here thinking of her and her daughter. Along with yourself, I also urge her to tell her daughter and for them both to seek counseling. Are there the resources/organizations locally that would be able to help?

You are all in my thoughts and prayers,
Mila

Nakinti's picture

Thank you Mila

My dear,
It is truly very hard to know where to begin!
I found it very hard myself to write this down.
My friend is a member of World Pulse too, I brought her to World Pulse in 2012...she is reading all the comments, I am sure. I think this will make her strong.
Thank you Mila for your supportive words...I appreciate.
With love from Cameroon.
Nakinti

Nakinti B. Nofuru
2013 VOF Correspondent
Reporter for Global Press Institute
Bamenda - Cameroon
Email: nakinti@globalpressinstitute.org
nakintin@yahoo.com

tracimichelle8's picture

What strength...

Nakinti,
I just want to acknowledge you and your friend for your strength and courage to deal with this atrocity in your lives. To go forward everyday...
In my own life, I have dealt with something similar and the pain of that situation made it difficult for me to want to go forward in my life on many days. It takes tremendous courage and I so commend your friend to reaching out to you for support.
I did share my experience with a trusted psychologist and I felt much better and knew that was an important step to my healing. I still have some difficult moments, hours... however, they used to be difficult days, weeks, and months.

I just want you, your friend and your friends daughter to know that I support you. I know you can all get through this.
With much love,
Grace

Nakinti's picture

Thank you traci

Dearest tracimichelle8,
Thank you so much for sharing our pain.
It is sad to know that you were a victim of a similar circumstance. But it good to know that you found help from a Psychologist. I hope we find help from one too.
I know it is hard to completely forget, but please, find a way to suppress such thoughts when they come disturbing...it is hard, but please try.
I Know you are a strong woman...keep it up.
Thank you, traci, for making me feel better today.
Love.
Nakinti

Nakinti B. Nofuru
2013 VOF Correspondent
Reporter for Global Press Institute
Bamenda - Cameroon
Email: nakinti@globalpressinstitute.org
nakintin@yahoo.com

Frances Faulkner's picture

Talking about it out loud

Dear Nakinti,

The best gift you are giving to your friend and to the world is your telling of this story, slowly, carefully and thoughtfully out loud to all of us. Take away the secrecy around rape and it will begin to lose power. The more we hear this story and ones like it, the more we talk about it and try to think of solutions, the more we will be moved to do something, the more we will learn to protect ourselves and those around us.

I am especially struck by the generational thread in this story - first mother, then daughter. Understanding how to navigate these waters might be key to rape prevention in future generations.

Thank you for your time and care in beautifully writing this piece. It pushes us forward to find solutions, whether it is counseling, support groups, or sending your letter to the school where the rape took place.

Warmly, Frances

Nakinti's picture

Thank you, dear Frances. I

Thank you, dear Frances.
I hope my friend and I find a solution to this.
It has been a hard for her, and I am looking forward to that day when she will finally have peace.
Thank you again, Frances.
With love.
Nakinti

Nakinti B. Nofuru
2013 VOF Correspondent
Reporter for Global Press Institute
Bamenda - Cameroon
Email: nakinti@globalpressinstitute.org
nakintin@yahoo.com

Linda M. Ando's picture

NO MORE, WE STAND TOGETHER!

Dear Nakinti and all the women and girls in your community,

Together we stand to fight against the sexual violence occurring to the most innocent and all women/girls who have been targets of verbal, physical and psychological abuse. It is heartbreaking to hear about the cycle of abuse from mother, daughter, friend, sister and countless others and their stories can not remain dormant or silent, they deserve to be heard so the healing can begin. They have the right to speak up, out and unite with others to say NO MORE!

There is no easy way to deal with such atrocities and one can not do it alone. LOVE, STRENGTH, SPIRIT and HOPE must prevail with a community of support, advocacy to build a healthy and "just" community for our children and families to live and grow for generations to come. May there be "real" men who care and stand alongside the women and girls to say no more and help create just laws and education to end the violence.

Thank you for giving voice and being an advocate for justice and healing for your friend and her daughter. May their beautiful spirits rise above, they are stronger than they know and they have a purpose in this life and they are loved.

Take good care and WE STAND WITH YOU TO END THE VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN!

With Gratitude,

Linda M. Ando

Nakinti's picture

Thank you darling

Dear Linda,
I have just one sentence for you:

"Thank you so, so much for these words of encouragement...you just made my day"

Thank you my love.
Sending you love from Bamenda, Cameroon
Nakinti

Nakinti B. Nofuru
2013 VOF Correspondent
Reporter for Global Press Institute
Bamenda - Cameroon
Email: nakinti@globalpressinstitute.org
nakintin@yahoo.com

Osai's picture

Shocking Reality

Dear Nakinti,

I read your story with a heavy heart. Why do women have to deal with all this? Feelings of helplessness, regret, fear, confusion, despair? You have taken the first step to talk about it. This is a first step in refusing to accept the decision of the attackers and abusers to mark their victims as their toys. With your support and love, your friend, her daughter and her family will break the cycle of shame and silence. Courage dear sister.

Thanks for sharing.

Best regards,
Osai

Twitter: @livingtruely

Nakinti's picture

Thank you Osai!

My sister,
I actually wrote this story with a very heavy heart!
I am yearning for that day when my friend will finally find peace! Can't wait
Thank you Osai for sharing our pain...we appreciate.
With love from Nakinti

Nakinti B. Nofuru
2013 VOF Correspondent
Reporter for Global Press Institute
Bamenda - Cameroon
Email: nakinti@globalpressinstitute.org
nakintin@yahoo.com

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