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20 evils in a woman’s bottom

A week ago, I posted a note on my facebook profile. It was an imaginary conversation based on the true conversation between two men. One of the men told me about it.

This is what was written on the note. There were two men. Just named them, James and Thomas. One afternoon, they sat together in front of a porch. James told Thomas about a girl next door; who he thinks has beautiful face and a sexy body.
Then James spoke to Thomas, “Well Thomas, I guess the old saying is right. That there is 20 evils in a woman’s bottom” Thomas answered, “Really? If that is the case, then I think there is one other place which has tons of evils in it.” “Wow wow,” James reacted. His thought was in every part of a woman’s body he could imagine, and then he threw a guess. “Is it the breast?” “No,” Thomas replied, “It is in a man’s head.”

I found the story was funny and yet I considered it very critical, so I share it in my facebook note. The reaction to the story is what made me realize that in this so called globalize world, narrow paradigm is still on reign. And that paradigm is stick on my friends’ head and many of them have high education.

Some of my gals praised Thomas for being not gender bias and they conceded him. The girls agree that most men are still thinking like James and this has put us in a very difficult position in advocating for Anti Pornography Act which is very gender bias. Some pals were offended, though they commented with a smile sign. One man, wrote, “James = doesn’t know he is dirty in mind, Thomas = realizes about his naughty thought. Hehehehe, men! They are just like that, just understood.” On his second post to the story, another man wrote, “Well, value comes from paradigm.”

To the first man, I replied, “Well, knowing that he himself should be the one to blame is better then not knowing and blames other.” I refuse to understand something that I know is wrong. I think people should change their way of thinking if they knew it is wrong, instead asked to be understood. As for the second, I criticized his conclusion for being ‘neutral’. I wrote, “Indeed, value comes from perspective. But the conclusion should not just stopped right there. Because that kind of value, allowed a vise head minister in a West Jakarta high school touched his students because he thought that the girls dressed too tight. My point is, that certain value becomes legitimation for the followers to treat woman inhumanely. Thus I offer another conclusion, that bias perspective drives the followers to treat other people inhumanely and that kind of bias paradigm should be changed.” Until now, I heard nothing from both men.

Just when I thought the discussion was over for that day, another gal who is a graduate student in a very respective university in our country made a comment. “Well, certain woman does like to show her evil to capture man’s evil mind. It takes two to tango, baby” My first reaction to her comment was, “Is she saying, that woman is evil and intendedly showing her evil to evoke man’s?” In shock, I trembly wrote, “That bias thinking is not only occurring to man, but also to woman. And this kind of thinking, in example, what made a raped victim feeling guilty for being ‘dirty’. While for me, those who should be blamed are those rapist and those people who keep resounding the kind of thought that legalizing raping in opposing evil.” Again, I have not heard from her since.

Now, I am hoping that she would not put a distance on me. That I wish she would oppose my thought to her limit, because I believe that by sharing and talking, we can move minds and change that paradigm.

Comments

jadefrank's picture

Hi Tina, This is an

Hi Tina,

This is an interesting subject and I appreciate your insight. James thoughts are in line with much of the world - that women are the subject of abuse, rape and harassment because they are "asking for it" by their femininity, beauty or sex appeal. But why should women be punished for being women? Thomas' response is refreshing. I applaud you for standing up to your peers and speaking your true mind on this subject. Hopefully one day all women, like the graduate student you spoke of, will value themselves more and stand up to those who victimize us, and abusive men will realize that it is their personal "evil", not the "evil" within women who makes them violent.

Warm regards,
Jade

Maria de Chirikof's picture

feelings toward woman

I think your story illustrates an important point. I think some men get very confused by what they see as 'inconsistency' in woman and how they react to a man.

We really need to make them aware that it has to do with each man individually. Some men like woman and some don't and we can sometimes tell this difference in them.

I can remember one of the first real jobs was in an office and one of the guys there seemed to really hate woman. Everything about how he talked about them showed this. His friend in the office was just the opposite where he enjoyed the company of a woman and liked them. This second guy was married, happily married, and always had something a bit flirty to say to the woman in the office, all the woman even the oldest one there. The first guy would glare at all the woman except for the young and pretty ones who he would only undress with his eyes and not see as people first. Because he had polite manners he thought this equated to being a 'nice guy' when all the woman in the office thought just the opposite about him. This guy would get really vocal about 'how woman are' because he would see his friend talking and flirting with all the woman and even making a sexy comment or two. It made the woman smile and laugh since we knew he did not mean those comments in a bad way. We knew he was happily married so when he flirted it was to generate good feelings in the woman and not to get us into bed. The other guy would get very upset since the only time he talked to the young and pretty girls in the office in a friendly way was to make some crude joke.

He never understood why we did not like talking to him. It is this kind of thing we need to raise awareness about. That terrible guy firmly believed that woman were stupid and mainly for sex and thought even less about us woman when we seemed to confirm his views by liking the other guy better even though he was married. We really need to find a way for them to see us as people first to truly change things like we want to!

Maria

Tina Napitupulu's picture

The Ambiguity of Men's Mind

Jade and Maria, thank you for responding to my writing. I think you are right, that most men have ambiguity in their mind about how to react toward women. They have passion about us but many paradigms in the world, taught them to hate us. I think this has put them into confusion and they don’t realize this. Thus it is easy for them, to punish us for being woman.

Sincerely,
Tina

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