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Believe in yourself

I feel like the past few months and years have not been real. I am a gentle and very caring person that feels a lot of empathy and kindness for others.
I have experienced emotional abuse on different levels. I suffered anorexia a few years back, not knowing there were other avenues I could have taken to save myself from suffering in such a debilitating way. I didn't think anyone would understand or listen and would think I was going crazy. I felt very alone and I left my marriage 8 years ago as hard as it was with 2 toddlers but I knew there could be a better life on the other side. It's been a battle due to the other person being very controlling and mindless for the needs and normal life's requirements of respecting others to myself being someone that takes everyone into consideration not ever having selfish motives in mind. My children have been in the midst of the battles and the battles should have been unnecessary but a requirement for myself to seek justice and fairness for everyone involved.
My last involvement with emotional abuse has had huge effects but through self education, speaking with many people and learning more about myself and what's important to bring more happiness to my life I maintained the strength to beat the torment of his own inner demons directed towards me, that were his not mine. I left after only a few months. The behaviour I witnessed was like nothing I had ever experienced and totally bizarre to mention. From twisting stories, to having accounts accessed, to turning the blame, to lying, trying to set me up to make me look like I was a mother that was going insane and needed help, just to name a few. I was living with a total nut infested person that baffled me to no end. From extended contact from him without further contact from me he continued after separation. I've learnt to become a strong woman, totally underestimated for the strength and inner wisdom I hold for the greater and better good of living life without letting the belittling lies and degrading abuse get the better of us. Teaching the one of my two sons I have living with me to be strong and to believe in yourself even if no one else alive on the planet believed you. It is the only way to achieve inner peace and to not give in or to any longer answer or be in contact with those that seek to bring you down and their drive in claiming to achieve - gaining narcissistic supply for his own inner demons.
I'd like to help others and would love to talk with other women in similar positions and also interested in those strong women achieving great things in the world for the well being of others.

Comments

Emily Garcia's picture

Welcome!

Hello Justsmile!

Welcome to World Pulse and thank you for sharing your story with us. My heart goes out to you and your family for the abuse you have suffered, and I congratulate you on your strength and resilience.

Here at World Pulse we are a supportive and loving community and many of us are working in our different ways to end violence against women in our families, local communities, and globally.

On this site we have a topic page focused on gender-based violence that you might want to check out to connect with others who are writing on this issue: http://worldpulse.com/hub/topic/gender-based-violence.

Again, thank you for your great courage in sharing your story! I hope you enjoy your time here in the World Pulse community!

In partnership,
Emily

Emily Garcia
World Pulse Online Community Lead

Justsmile's picture

Thank you

Thank you so much Emily for your very warm support and for welcoming me here.

I hope I can be of help to others and form some good friendships in the process.

In partnership
Carolyn

Oh, Justsmile,

My stomach is hurting from reading your piece but I am so so glad you have written this article. I am one of those who suffered this over and over and over. Everything you say is how you feel and what you do. All those years, thinking if I tried harder. All those years, my acting like a "nut case" in response to the insidious, unseen but prevalent gaslike emotional abuse, no one sees. Then he would say "Your mother is so emotional. She is crazy just like her mother and brother". On and on. I do not have to tell you.

Please let's keep in touch. My personal email is headingforgreatness@gmail.com or you can write me here.

I am now 66 years old. For years I had no idea I had any problems because of my mother's and husband's emotional and mental abuse. I often was angry inside and often outside. Defintely depressed. But I always helped people and the worst is: I always picked people as friends who on some level would discount me. I unconsciously thought this was the norm. I thought the norm was always proving how nice I was and getting other people's approval. WOW ! I did a lot of work on myself: self-help books, groups. I wouldn't go to therapy as my former husband and relatives thought I should. Because I didn't want to be crazy like my mother and brother. BUT before we were divorced we went for therapy to 3 different counselors. I had grown. He had not. I wasn't where I am now. But the change was evident. As one therapist said, "The two of you are in different picture frames." Which mean we were on completely different levels. Not like when I married him.

After I got divorced I made a lot of mistakes. Throughout my life, I couldn't do anything about the way my husband treated me or the things he said to or in front of my kids. the neglect (like if I walked into the room, he walked out). But the long term effects of what they saw (which wasn't physical abuse. It was neglect and discounting me and brainwashing them when I wasn't around) my kids do not know or care that I exist. I have 4, all 18 months apart. I gave my life blood for them. And they will not let me call, write, spend holidays with them or see my grandchildren in over 5 years). I can't find them and they don't even think about me. Fortunately, they are all happy.

What is the point of telling you all this? It is not to talk about myself or to cathart. it is to caution you to be sure there are men in your life who talk good about you, who treat you special because the way they see people treating you is how they form their unconscious idea about you and how to treat you. I know your life with your children go well.

I did not mean to rave on and on. But you will understand this. What I have to say is important too. (That's pretty good for me after all these years to say-you know what I mean).

My love and respect is with you,

Ubuntu (I am who I am because of who we are together)

Wendy

Just smile, if it means anything to you. I have learned as a result of this and the work I now do to help people (You can check out my profile) that all those horrific years, were the Universes earth school for me. It has enabled me to reach people in a different, sustainable way where others cannot. So, it was a gift. A gift I didn't want and would gladly give back but THE GIFT IS IN THE PROBLEM. THE OPPORTUNITY IS IN THE PROBLEM. Look for this.

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

Wendyiscalm's picture

OOPS

Hi Justsmile,

I accidently deleted your personal email to my email address. I did not read it. PLEASE could you resend your email message to my email. Thank you. I am sorry.

Ubuntu,

Wendy

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

Justsmile's picture

Not a problem

Hi Wendy,

I have just resent the email for you. It's not a problem. Look forward to talking further.

Regards,

Justsmile

Justsmile's picture

Just wondering

Hi Wendy ,

I was wondering if you received my email ok?

Carolyn

Wendyiscalm's picture

Yes

Yes, and I will be answering today.

Thanks.

Wendy

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

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