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JOURNEE INTERNATIONALE D E LA JEUNE FILLE: Le mariage par « colis express » ou "mariage par exportation" une forme d'esclavage

Le mariage en « colis express » ou "mariage par exportation" à la base du désespoir pour nombreuses filles Congolaises.

Un jour mon ami vient me trouver pour pleureur auprès de moi son angoisse. Il est vraiment inconsolable « j’ai perdu l’amour de ma vie, celle en qui j’ai placé ma confiance 5 année de vie amoureuse, celle sur qui je comptais, celle qui faisait mon plan de vie futur, celle que je croyais être demain mon épouse »
Consterné, en tant grand ami je ne pouvais trouver les mots pour lui consoler et d’un air compatissant je lui ai pris dans mes bras.
Qu’est ce qui c’était passé?
La fiancée de mon ami devait aller en Afrique du Sud pour se marier à un congolais qui y vit depuis longtemps.
Est-ce vraiment possible qu’un mariage entre deux personnes qui ne se sont jamais connu soit le fruit d’un amour sincère et d’un consentement mutuel ?
Est il possible que de ce mariage ressorte une vie conjugale heureuse si ce n’est de l’esclavage?

Je crois que non, la fille en question a subit pendant longtemps la pression de sa famille pour qu’elle accepte de se marier à un inconnu ; finalement elle a fini par céder.
De nombreux cas de tels types de mariage s’observent de puis quelques années. La fille est donc expédiée à son futur époux comme un colis ou tout simplement l’homme se fait livrer une femme qu’il a commandé.
De plus en plus des hommes qui ont quitté la RD Congo pour s’installer en Europe, e, Amérique ou dans certains pays qui font l’objet des migrations se font livrer des femmes pour leur mariage. Une d’elle se replier après avoir trouvé qu’elle était mariée à un illettré dont la profession était très douteuse. Finalement elle a du fuir sont mari et se replier au pays avec son bébé né de ce mariage.
Pas plus tard que le mois dernier une autre décriait auprès de sa famille le fait qu’elle a été marié à un homme atteint du VIH et qu’elle n’avait jamais connu au paravent maintenant elle est contaminé et elle n’a jamais connu le bonheur d’un vrai couple marié. Pour elle sa famille a gâché sa vie
Disons le donc, de plus en plus de filles sont victime de cette forme de mariage et cela a pour cause d’une part par le fait que le mariage est pris pour une activité commerciale à partir de la quelle la famille de la jeune fille se procurer la dot qui d’ailleurs a perdu son sens symbolique. D’autres part les familles font ces genres de pratiques car pour eux le fait que leurs filles soit mariée et Europe ou en Amérique est vue comme une opportunité pour d’autres membres de la famille de se retrouver dans ces pays qui sont pour certaines personne vus comme "des petits paradis".
Aujourd’hui, la dot n’est plus déterminée en nature comme l’indique la plus part des coutumes congolaises mais aujourd’hui elle se fixe en argent (plusieurs milliers de dollars Américain : deux à cinq milles dollars et voire plus souvent en fonction du niveau d’étude de la fille.
Ce phénomène est donc grave pour la jeune fille congolaise et ne laisse pas le libre choix à la fille de décider d’elle-même pour sa vie conjugale.

D’où à tous celui qui a la possibilité d’être entendu de la crier fort pour que ce phénomène disparaisse.

English translation by community member kalexander

International Day of the Girl: “Express mail” marriage or “marriage by export” is a form of slavery.

“Express mail” marriage or “marriage by export” is the foundation of despair for a number of Congolese girls.
One day, my friend came to me, weeping with anxiety. It was truly heartbreaking: 



“I lost the love of my life, she who I have loved and trusted for five years of my life, that is what I counted on, that was my plan for future, and I thought she would be my future wife.”

Dismayed that as a close friend I could not find the words to comfort him, and with a compassionate air, I took him in my arms.

What had happened? The fiancee of my friend had gone to South Africa to marry a Congolese man who had been living there for a long time.

Is it really possible that a marriage between two persons who had never known eachother could be the fruits of a sincere love and mutual consent? Is it possible that this marriage would result in a happy married life, if it is not from slavery?

I think no. The girl in question has been pressured for a long time by his family to agree to marry a stranger, and she finally relented.

A number of cases of these types of marriages have been seen in the years since. The girl is sent quickly to her future spouse, like a package, or the man simply has a woman delivered on demand.

More and more men who have left the DRC to live in Europe, America, or another country where they have decided to move, are having women delivered for their wedding. One of these women withdrew after finding that she had married an illiterate man with questionable employment. Finally, she fled from her husband and retreated to her home country with her baby born in that marriage.

As recently as last month, another woman cried to her married family that she had married a man with HIV and that she had never known he had it, and now she is infected and she has never known the happiness of a true married couple. For her, this family has ruined her life.

So we see, more and more girls are victim to this form of marriage and this is caused partly by the fact that marriage has been made into a commercial activity from which the family of the young girl provides the dowry, which has now also lost its symbolic meaning.

On the other hand, families engage in these kind of practices because for them, their daughters being married in Europe or America is seen as an opportunity for other family members to be in these countries that are, to some, seen as a “small paradise”.

Today, the dowry is not determined by nature, as in most Congolese customs, but in money (usually several thousand American dollars: two to five thousand dollars, even more depending on the level of education of the girl). This phenomenon is grave for Congolese girls and does not leave the choice to the girl to decide for herself her married life.

Let everyone have the opportunity to be heard in a loud cry so that this phenomenon may disappear.

Comments

Susan K.A.'s picture

Thank you, Josué

Dear Josué,

Thank you for sharing the story of your friend. My heart aches for him, and for the love of his life who must be suffering horribly as well. These forced marriages are tragic and, like you say, a form of slavery--they must end! Your friend is lucky to have you as his confidante--your compassion to him is invaluable and I commend you for being there for him in his time of unbearable distress. Take care of yourself and keep doing what you're doing!

In solidarity,

Susan

______________________________________________________________________________

"I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being."
-Hafiz

Josué BAGAYA's picture

Dear Susan

dear,
thank for reading this, i could say more about it but can't find the true word to describe correctly this kind of slavery! I would like to white a book about this in coming days i don't know if i can because i never write a book.... now I'm just collecting Somme cases, may be i can use them if this planning become true. thank for your encouragement!

"il ya plus de joie à vivre avec les jeunes pour leurs biens et pour ton bien"
un monde avec des justes valeurs est aussi possible.

Josué BAGAYA
Bukavu/Sud-Kivu/RD Congo

kalexander's picture

Translation

International Day of the Girl: “Express mail” marriage or “marriage by export” is a form of slavery.

“Express mail” marriage or “marriage by export” is the foundation of despair for a number of Congolese girls.
One day, my friend came to me, weeping with anxiety. It was truly heartbreaking: 



“I lost the love of my life, she who I have loved and trusted for five years of my life, that is what I counted on, that was my plan for future, and I thought she would be my future wife.”

Dismayed that as a close friend I could not find the words to comfort him, and with a compassionate air, I took him in my arms.

What had happened? The fiancee of my friend had gone to South Africa to marry a Congolese man who had been living there for a long time.

Is it really possible that a marriage between two persons who had never known eachother could be the fruits of a sincere love and mutual consent? Is it possible that this marriage would result in a happy married life, if it is not from slavery?

I think no. The girl in question has been pressured for a long time by his family to agree to marry a stranger, and she finally relented.

A number of cases of these types of marriages have been seen in the years since. The girl is sent quickly to her future spouse, like a package, or the man simply has a woman delivered on demand.

More and more men who have left the DRC to live in Europe, America, or another country where they have decided to move, are having women delivered for their wedding. One of these women withdrew after finding that she had married an illiterate man with questionable employment. Finally, she fled from her husband and retreated to her home country with her baby born in that marriage.

As recently as last month, another woman cried to her married family that she had married a man with HIV and that she had never known he had it, and now she is infected and she has never known the happiness of a true married couple. For her, this family has ruined her life.

So we see, more and more girls are victim to this form of marriage and this is caused partly by the fact that marriage has been made into a commercial activity from which the family of the young girl provides the dowry, which has now also lost its symbolic meaning.

On the other hand, families engage in these kind of practices because for them, their daughters being married in Europe or America is seen as an opportunity for other family members to be in these countries that are, to some, seen as a “small paradise”.

Today, the dowry is not determined by nature, as in most Congolese customs, but in money (usually several thousand American dollars: two to five thousand dollars, even more depending on the level of education of the girl). This phenomenon is grave for Congolese girls and does not leave the choice to the girl to decide for herself her married life.

Let everyone have the opportunity to be heard in a loud cry so that this phenomenon may disappear.

Kate Alexander
"There is nothing more rare - nor more beautiful - that a woman being unapologetically herself."- Steve Maraboli

kalexander's picture

Wow.

Wow. J'espère que vous faites écrire ce livre. Cette histoire est bouleversante et vraiment bien écrite. Ce que j’apprécie le plus dans votre récit est le fait que vous utilisez des histoires personelles des femmes formidables pour illustrer la tragédie de ces mariages sur une plus grande échelle. C’est très émouvant et je pense que vous êtes un écrivain très doué. Votre opinion est temeraire et courageuse et il faut que le reste du monde entende ce que vous avez à dire. S’il vous plait, continuez à denoncer les atrocités qui vous entourent et à vous exprimer sur World Pulse. Le monde doit savoir.

Kate Alexander
"There is nothing more rare - nor more beautiful - that a woman being unapologetically herself."- Steve Maraboli

Josué BAGAYA's picture

merci pour vos encouragements

je continuerai à décrier ce qui ne va pas autour de moi, et partager cela avec la monde.

"il ya plus de joie à vivre avec les jeunes pour leurs biens et pour ton bien"
un monde avec des justes valeurs est aussi possible.

Josué BAGAYA
Bukavu/Sud-Kivu/RD Congo

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