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Dirty talk???When Mexican women talk about sexuality and Disability

Talking to my mom about sexuality:
"Of course, as much as you want, but don´t say 'orgasm'! Oh dear…what a profane word!!!" I bet a lot of Mexican moms would rather hear their daughters cursing than talking about their sexuality.

Movies for indecent people!
At the International Forum for Disability Prevention North Region, organized by the National Network for Disability Prevention, two movies were showed to be followed by a discussion.

The first, Ocular Music, is a beautiful Mexican film done in Mexican sign language. It was hard enough to portray the deaf as people with regular lives, but it went on and dared to include a deaf gay character. Some did not like this touch and openly talked about its unsuitability for children and decent people, although the film does not show anybody naked or talk explicitly about sex.

The second movie was The Sessions about a guy with very reduced mobility who wanted to explore his sexuality. At the beginning there were about 200 people in the audience. By the time the movie was over only a very few brave souls stayed to discuss such a provocative topic. A few people with disabilities talked about the denial of their sexuality. Don’t the disabled also have innate sexuality? Why are the disabled seen as asexual?

Mexican women talking about their sexuality: A booty shake, a deafening scream and a breached right.
During the following dinner, some of us began to talk about how our own mothers have encouraged us to ignore our sexual nature. I asked them: when did you share with your mother your right to orgasm?

The lyrics sang out, “I’m the boss of your most urgent part, I’m the crafter of your most human part, I´m the commander of your front part” Estela started singing along and dancing with her wheel chair. This explicit song was the one through which she discovered her sexual being before her mortified mother´s eyes. Her mother replied strongly, “A decent single lady would never sing such a song considering you have no clue what it means.” From then on, Estela was not allowed to go on dates without a chaperon or buy any colorful undergarments.

For Paola’s mom, reality came in a noisy way considering Paola is deaf. Her mother was supposed to be at work all night. Paola smiles and her whole body talks while recalling the anecdote. Her mom thought somebody was robbing the house and hurting her. After all, Paola was making noises her mom had never heard before. Fortunately, reaching an orgasm, Paola could not be better. Her mom was upset as hell and has never worked night shifts again.

Vilma sighed and quoted a congresswoman who has recently declared: “blind people should be banned from marrying because they can not see each other while making love” It was hard enough to deal with her mother complaining about Vilma’s new role as single mother and now even female politicians were meddling in her privacy. “What is next? Will they put me in jail because I’m breastfeeding my baby and I cannot see her tiny mouth?”

As for me, few weeks ago was the first time I talked with my mom openly about my sexual rights. She may have changed her view of me now, but it did not make me a less of a woman, just one who wants and deserves all her rights to be enjoyed and guaranteed. I am sure my mom can not agree more! Even if one of those rights implies the profanity of “orgasm”.

Moms for the right to orgasm.
If we would have the guts to touch ourselves as a preventive measure we would probably not see the high rates of breast and cervical cancer we see in Mexico. Therefore, we would have to encourage all the coming generations to assert their sexual beings and safeguard their wellbeing as well. Not in terms of the quality or quantity of their orgasms -although that would not be a bad idea- but in terms of more Estelas, Paolas, Vilmas and Klaudias singing spicy songs, wearing bright underwear, and screaming with pleasure even if you can not hear yourself or making love even if you can not see your partner’s eyes.

Of course, rights come with responsibilities. So Mexican moms, instead of denying our right to orgasm, teach us to carry it on with full responsibility! Who wants to be second? Because my mom has already started!

This article is part of a writing assignment for Voices of Our Future a program of World Pulse that provides rigorous digital media and citizen journalism training for grassroots women leaders. World Pulse lifts and unites the voices of women from some of the most unheard regions of the world.

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Comments

Tash's picture

i love your hook so much,

i love your hook so much, hahaha made me laugh!
Thank you for this piece Kludia! just about made my day! This is a very important matter.
Very, refreshing piece!

great job!

Kind Regards,
Patsy.

Potter's picture

Hooray for Klaudia ...Once Again

Klaudia, Great job, my friend. Can't wait to read the comments you are certain to receive! This is a brave and important piece presented with wit and a light touch. Have you shared it with your mom? I'd be interested to hear her reaction!

Y's picture

Daughters have the right to

Daughters have the right to orgasm, and mothers also have the right to object to their children having orgasms at the expense of the mother. Many women begin mothering much too early and some can never stop mothering their children because of their children's disabilities. If my child can't take care of him or her self, I certainly don't want them taking any chances on bringing another dependent into my home without my explicit permission. Forced parenting participation is not partnership; it is servitude.

Children also have rights to be planned for by responsible adults and wanted and cherished without question. Children are a sacred privilege and their conception should be treated as a sacrament, not a game that animals play with each other and walk away without a look at responsibility. In a best case, a child is an 18-21 year commitment.

Think of this when asking your mother to approve of you playing at baby-making while she works all night to support an adult child.

Yvette

I cannot agree more with you. Having children is a huge responsibility and commitment. Every children count as the most important human being. Nevertheless, I never talked here about children having sex and engaging in unplanned pregnancies. This article is about grown up women being denied of their sexual rights because their mothers see their disability as an obstacle to live regular lives. All women I talked about are full responsible adults; they went to the university and have regular jobs. They all are productive women. Bear in mind even people with intellectual disabilities have the right to get information and be guided in order to make their own decisions on their sexuality.
Paola's mom does not support her, she also works. In Mexico, we usually don´t leave our parents home when we go to college or when we are young adults. Paola is not an irresponsible teenager. I´m very sorry my words were not very clear for you.
As for me, I don´t play baby-making and asked my mom’s approval on an irresponsible behavior. You should understand Mexican culture is different from yours. I had to be very brave to talk with my mom about my sexual rights and she had to be an unusual Mexican. Unfortunately, not every Mexican mom is like mine.
All the best.

Klaudia González

Y's picture

Thank you for your

Thank you for your clarification, Klaudia.

In my country, too many people are depending on "the government" which actually means the taxpayers to support them and their children because they are considered "disabled". I believe that there are very few people who can't do some meaningful work, and I am a huge advocate for reproductive rights that are held and used responsibly by people who are productive in society.

I am also a believer that when one lives in the home of another, the rules of the host or hostess should be respected and followed. If one's mother does not want unmarried people having sex in her home, this is her right and should be respected. Of course, if Paola and her mother have agreed on an adult equal partnership in sharing a home, this is a negotiation that must be addressed by them.

When we learn to respectfully negotiate our differences in our own families, perhaps we will find a way to world peace.

Blessings on your work.
Yvette

Yvette

bitani's picture

There are painful stories

There are painful stories i've heard on this topic, including, mothers getting their disabled daughters into surgeries to remove their wombs fearing they may get pregnant, and fathers/brothers raping their disabled daughter/sister because, for the society, she will not marry anyways!!

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else."
—Judy Garland

Iryna's picture

Learning

You know, Klaudia, which question appeared in my head after I read your op-ed? Maybe our mothers, first of all, need to learn about orgasms and sexuality? I am sure their mothers did not talk to them and of course they felt confused to speak with us. Because they didn't know how.
We live in the times of Internet and overall access to the information of any type. Here, in World Pulse women from all over the world discuss even such things as orgasm of disables! This is an incredible opportunity to change the situation of any dirt and misunderstandings around sex. This is a part of our life, we need to learn the same as the rest.
A good and smart op-ed, Klaudia, greetings!
Iryna

pelamutunzi's picture

loved it

This is such an interesting subject with deeper meanings. The right to let a girl feel pleasure and not feel bad about it. It also talks about equality and freedom of expression. I totally loved it. It is a bold move to talk about orgasm but it’s a reality and it happens to us so why shy away from it. The culture of silence should be banished so we can also realise when something is wrong i.e breast cancer or cervical cancer

we may be powerless to stop an injustice but let there never be a time we fail to protest.
regards
pela

Mukut's picture

Bravo !

Your Op-Ed is interesting, funny and deals with an important topic. I was hooked onto it from the first word.Of course, you are talking about responsible adult women and their right to sexuality and desires. That is so important and how many times do we get to hear it in our families or in the media?

Well done on writing about this interesting piece- Enjoyment of sexual rights with full responsibility, indeed!

Brilliant! Keep it up.
Love,

Mukut Ray

lynnemhealy's picture

Brave Op-Ed Klaudia

Such an important and unspoken subject - well done Klaudia. I don't think many mothers and daughters discuss orgasm - even in more open and tolerant societies. You are so right to break the taboo and opening up the conversation about sexuality and disability. Thank you :-)

Lynne Healy
www.lynnehealy.co.uk

Zoepiliafas's picture

I am blown away on how daring

I am blown away on how daring and progressive your piece is!!!!

There is someone that in the Portland area that I want to connect you with. She is working on sex education here and I think you guys could really make magic together.

Women's sexual health and education is done so poorly all over the globe. Thank Klaudia for bringing this to light!

Regards,

Zoe

Zoe Piliafas

Voices of Our Future Community Manager
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