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Waiting for Justice in Nepal

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For almost two years now, I am struggling for justice - in a country not of my own and in a culture that has killed my dignity. I am a victim of treachery, lies, sexual and domestic abuse, of a man who freely roams around and threaten me to shut up. His violent psychological attacks trigger in me disturbing dreams in the middle of the night, causing me to cry endlessly and provoking fear that anytime and anywhere soon, I can end up rotten and dead in a river bank, faceless and gagged. This has always been the scenario in Nepal and the monumental iniquity of gender based violence deserves a public outrage and an equally deafening legal battle in the courts.

Beneath the tangles of legal drama, where I filed cases on sexual abuse, domestic violence, contempt of court and divorce in Kathmandu District Court, is a series of threats and harassments that I have received in many unimaginable forms from my perpetrator. Prior to my court applications, my attacker told me that upon my arrival at Tribhuvan International Airport (TIA) in Kathmandu, I would be arrested by the Nepal police and jailed based on criminal charges that he has framed against me. By all accounts, the foe turning into a monster desperately wants to stop my arrival in Nepal so that I cannot file court charges against him. Scary as it may seemed, with my legs and hands shaking and trembling, I landed in TIA that fateful day in March 2012, escorted by a Nepali police friend to protect me, and filed my four cases on gender based violence against my attacker.

Earlier, I sat in front of fifteen women who were human rights leaders in Nepal and narrated my story. There on my right side was Laura, my Australian friend who tightly clasped my hand, as my voice trailed off whisking tears flowing from my eyes and in details revealing all the suffering that I was going through for the past years. Fifteen pairs of eyes glued on me, some shed tear, some looked shocked, others glanced away thinking far. Weeping on a tragedy and exposing the intricate details of a fraudulent relationship, from how I met him, the courtship period, the lies and deceit, the sexual abuses, the names and faces of people involved, was like thousands of daggers stabbing me. I could hardly breathe.

I came in Nepal in 2009 to work for an international NGO that was implementing a project on pedestrian improvements. I was naive and young, and in my gullibility, fell in love with a Nepali from the media sector. We hitched fine at the early stage, we lived together and introduced each other to our friends and family. After almost two years of our relationship, I came to know that he was already married back in 2008. Some people say I was stupid, how was I not able to know this fact? He stayed with me, dined at the table, slept in my bed, washed and changed clothes in front of me everyday and night. How can one tell that a man living a life like that has a wife somewhere else?
It was a normal relationship like everyone else, built on trust and love and respect, and not doubting that a partner has married someone else before me.

When that reality of him being married dawned on me, I was on the way of becoming a mother. Imagine the world collapsing on all angles leaving me clueless on how to start my life. But even more than that, he started harassing me to terminate the baby, yelling at me and forcing me to donate it to the orphanage or raising it as my own. Definitely, he was washing off any responsibility to me. In the midst of dust and hollering vehicles in Kathmandu, I walked very far that day holding on to my bulging tummy not knowing where to go.

The threats did not stop and this time, it was from his family. They were keen in keeping me away from the picture, away from the social status that they want to maintain in front of the community. For them I was an illegitimate wife, a foreigner who will destroy their brahmin lineage, a non-Hindu girl who should and never will be accepted in their society. They sent me emails and messages of all kinds scaring me to go away, to leave Nepal for good, raise the child and completely forget the whole drama.

But I was not raised as a coward and definitely I don't stand quiet on human abuses. I have always lived within the boundaries of universal truth to respect human life in ways that I deserve to be respected. For safety reasons, I flew back to the Philippines to be with my family. For three months, I kept quiet and tried hardest to live a normal life. But when my perpetrator sent character assassination emails to my office bosses that intrigued my character as a woman, I had psychological breakdown. He accused me that I was a mistress and sent emails containing forged intimate and illegally obtained images of myself that was meant to discredit me to hundreds of my office colleagues' emails. In an almost 90 percent Christian country like the Philippines, this was something to be talked about, not just on regular office hours but on side gossips as well. I could not face my peers at work, I cried every night and this tremendous stress triggered a massive internal bleeding that made me lose my baby of five months. Thereafter, I lost my job, went mentally lost and decided to go to psychological counseling to find myself back into the real world.

The court has issued a protection order to me that sealed my safety against my ex-husband. He is not allowed to contact me, come close to me or visit my place of living and work. Others say that it was a positive move for me, in a country dominated by patriarchal system such as Nepal, this was already a big win for me. While all my cases are still pending in court now, the nightmares are still recurring, the pain is still massive and the trauma has turned into a scar that has remained etched in my body. While Nepali tabloids feast on my story without any inch of respect, I remain steadfast in my prayers that justice will be soon be granted to me.

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Comments

Wendyiscalm's picture

t it

Csabrido,

I have read your article with great interest and feeling very terrified for you. All I can think of is that YOU ARE ALMOST THERE. You are making progress. You are an example of courage, goodness and perseverance. Stay strong and know that all of us are praying for you and are supporting you. You are an amazing role model of what it means to be a woman. You are an example and in your lifetime you will see in the future the benefits of what you have been through.

Ubuntu(I am who I am because of who we are together),

Wendy

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

cscabrido's picture

Thank You Wendy

Thank you Wendy for the love and support. And for the warm words you are sending me. Thank you for the prayers. I wish you and your endeavors well. I like the word you used, Ubuntu, and I feel the warmth of it. I will keep your words and great wishes with me.

Hugs,

Chin

olutosin's picture

IT IS WELL WITH YOU MY LOVE!!

I love your voice, I read it to the end.

You are a great woman, you are the voice of all the silenced women in a patriarchal society. You have won by speaking out, you have won by ignoring their threats, you have won for standing your ground.

Great woman; You Are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town
Lagos-Nigeria

https:

cscabrido's picture

Much Love

Dear Olutusin,

Thank you for reading my story until the very end. I can feel your love, warmth and support which I really need during these difficult times.

Much love,

Chin

Cali gal Michelle's picture

Chin- With grace and

Chin-
With grace and steadfastness you have created an article which is haunting and courageous. The horrors you have face would have turned a lesser person to stone. Yet you have risen above to make sure your voice is heard, and change is made. No one deserves this kind of treatment, and it wrenches my heart. I am glad the courts have at least given you protection.

It seems the memories and physical reminders have not deterred you from your mission. You remain a beautiful and true woman, with a voice that can not be ignored. That you remain 'steadfast' in your prayers, beliefs, and hopes is an amazing thing. I can only pray that I remain steadfast as well, and that the scars I carry will not harden.

Thank you for your courage. Thank you for your trust in sharing this personal story. We stand with you as we work together to end both the attitudes and laws surrounding gender-based violence.

Let us Hope together-
Michelle
aka: Cali gal

Listener
Sister-Mentor
@CaliGalMichelle
facebook.com/caligalmichelle

cscabrido's picture

Thank You

Thank you very much Michelle for your inspiring words. There are so many similar stories happening in Nepal with cases like mine, but foreigners have left the country and built their own lives, not standing up for the injustices that they have faced. I know people who gave birth to babies without any paternal support. In fact, I am the first foreigner in Nepal to lodge such case and has challenged the domestic violence law in the country. In exchange of that, I face ridicule and criticisms from traditional beliefs and practices which has blinded the society for so long - like staying in a marriage despite being violated and abused, etc, etc.

Like you, I hope one day I will be able to complete this journey with a steadfast faith in the heart to fight for what is right and true.

Thanks again!

With all love,

Chin

Cali gal Michelle's picture

I look forward to watching

I look forward to watching you move the world!

Let us Hope together-
Michelle
aka: Cali gal

Listener
Sister-Mentor
@CaliGalMichelle
facebook.com/caligalmichelle

cscabrido's picture

I will

Thank You Michelle!! With love and prayers around me, I will...

Cheers,

Chin

libudsuroy's picture

Chin, you are brave to have

Chin, you are brave to have broken the silence and found your voice again.

Blessings,
libudsuroy/Lina Sagaral Reyes
Mindanao, The Philippines

''Every Day is a Journey and the Journey itself is Home.'' (Matsuo Basho)

cscabrido's picture

Thank You

Thank You Lina. Wonderful to see your comment here. Good luck in your world pulse stories! More blessings to you too

Sincerely,

Chin

Yosra Akasha's picture

Dear cscabrido, You are such

Dear cscabrido,

You are such a brave women. as it well know what doesn't kill you make you stronger. The dark memories of fear will be replaced by blessings and promising future.

Keep the fight and whatever will be the court decision you are a winner. You won yourself and your future by getting out of such an abusive relationship.

Yosra Akasha, Sudan

cscabrido's picture

Thank You Yosra, I feel very

Thank You Yosra, I feel very blessed by meeting wonderful people like you in worldpulse. You encourage me to live my life to the fullest and become an example for others to follow.

Lots of love,

Chin

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