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need for men in India to change their attitudes

Sisters, I've been praying for guidance, reading posts made by women in India and wonder whether we should start with father's of girls. I come up with many reasons girls are seen as a burden, instead of a jewel, but would like some imput about why some Indian dads love their daughters and some see them as a liability. Would you please share with me, as I think this might be where we need to start changing males attitudes, which in turn could eliminate violence toward women in India. I've been trying to post in India Cafe, but my computer can't seem to open that. I've been having near-fatal problems with our computer.

Please share with us why some fathers overcome the cultural mentality and love their daughters. Thanks.


UpasanaC's picture

Hi William

That's a very good thought. Not only in India but across the globe.. daughters are Dad's Favorite. I am also one of them. But this love is often overpowered by other factors when you live in Indian society. For example : if I take my personal case. I am a very well educated , financially independent girl. But my Dad never was in favor that I should step out and work as in our community females are supposed to only cook and take care of the family. It was not an easy journey for me to work and till date it's not. Every now and then he tells me that he will get me back home and it was his biggest mistake that he educated me and send me so far from home to work. WHY? Answer is that I question him/society back for all those ridiculous myths that are going on since ages. Every one who will visit my Family have to just intrude that when am I getting married. If yes, then is the boy of same caste. If No, then check your daughter doesn't fall into some boy's Trap -as they call it-.. Its not 1 day affair. It's a routine. So, one day even he will be damn frustrated by so many questions and he wants to answer the society back. But he is not able to. Who will take out his frustration at? Back to the daughter. Was it his fault? NO .. My Fault? NO.. Society's Fault : Yes. I agree my Dad should be strong enough to answer them back that "Mind your own life" . But That's not the case. This is the story of educated girls not only me but even my friends.

Now, when we look at the other aspect. When a mother is expecting a baby. A Father wants a Boy not a Girl.(Not true for all fathers that they love their daughters). But, then he is blessed by a girl. If we just go few years back and try to dig the reason behind this. For instance, in a family we have a son and a daughter. When it comes to educating them and growing equally.. its all fine. But, when it comes to get them married there is a biiiig cultural gap. When a boy gets married, you get lots and lots of gifts in the form of DOWRY. whereas in case of a girl you have to give out the same irrespective of your family status. If you are poor then Beg, Borrow or Steal but you have to give Dowry. Therefore, as soon a girl is born they are disappointed with the fact that we have to feed and take care of this body for few years and then just get rid of it. So, there will be a huge gap in bringing up too. They won't give Milk, proper diet and several other things to a girl child whereas a boy will lead a luxury life all his life irrespective of the fact whether he is married or not.

Generally, in villages and uneducated class Men will be married at a young age. At such young age they can't handle the pressure of earning so much to get her married one day. Therefore, they kill them right away. Although, this is not applicable for uneducated class. There are thousands of cases where Doctor husbands have murdered their wives or girl child for the same reason. Since, its being going on since centuries now , it's more of a psychological myth that if you have a girl child it's a curse.

Where is love? Nowhere.. Depends upon if you are a boy you will be loved else you have God. I thank God each and every day that atleast I am blessed with a Dad who loves me the most in entire family. I do face societal issues a LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT and feel like standing alone. But all this has made me stronger to stand.

Cheers to Life

William's picture

fathers love for their daughters

Hi Upasana, thanks for your insights. So, what first little steps can we take to change men's attitudes toward girl babies? Is it possible for them to overcome the cultural norms? I appreciate your thoughts.

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