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LA COMMUNICATION ENTRE HOMME ET FEMME

Elle parle tout le temps, il se tait
Une femme qui parle pense souvent à voix haute, laissant s’exprimer ses idées de l’instant, ce qui donne à ses propos une certaine fluidité, mais aussi une valeur provisoire qui déstabilise son compagnon ("Pourquoi change-t-elle si souvent d’avis ?"). Lui, se tait souvent. Ce qu’elle interprète comme une marque de désintérêt pour elle. Pour éviter les tensions, l’un doit prendre conscience que la parole féminine n’est pas du bavardage, mais une façon d’accoucher de sa pensée ; l’autre, que le silence masculin n’est pas consécutif à du mépris, mais à un besoin de réflexion, qui nécessite un certain temps. Elle peut donc respecter cette pause psychologique (au lieu de l’assaillir de "hein ?", "alors ?", "qu’est-ce que tu en penses ?").
Il l’informe sur des faits, elle évoque ses sentiments
Une femme exprime volontiers son ressenti face aux événements de la vie ; un homme s’attache plutôt à transmettre des informations "objectives" sur des faits. Elle use et abuse des superlatifs, des métaphores, des généralisations, et même d’une forme de licence poétique ; lui, cherche le mot juste et prend ce que dit l’autre au sens littéral. Un exemple type susceptible de dégénérer en dispute. "Personne ne se préoccupe de moi" signifie, en langage féminin : "Je me sens seule" ; mais lui répond : "Ce n’est pas vrai, tu as des gens autour de toi." La plupart des heurts entre conjoints sont ainsi liés à un malentendu sémantique. Pour se faire comprendre, elle doit donc s’habituer à utiliser un vocabulaire plus précis et plus approprié. Lui, éviter de tout prendre au premier degré et partir du principe qu’il faut lire entre les lignes.

- Pour une femme, ne pas avoir à demander est l’une des définitions de l’amour. Parce qu’elle ressent intuitivement les besoins des autres et leur donne tout ce qu’elle peut, elle croit à tort qu’il peut faire de même. "Étant une homme je peux dire que NON, les femmes comme les hommes ne devine pas tout. Je ne sais pas qui a inventé ça. C'est a chacun de faire les efforts pour ce faire comprendre. Certes le langage des hommes est plus direct, donc plus compréhensible, mais pour autant la femme ne devine pas tout. Surtout quand on parle comme elle, que l'on insinue.

-Eh oui, nous ne sommes pas câblés de la même manière. Ce qui fais de nous , homme ou femme , notre richesse c'est bien notre différence de sexe et notre caractère . Quelqu'un a dit , "la vie serait ennuyeuse si tout était parfait .Bien sûr qu'il a raison, vous ne pensez pas ? Le tout étant d'essayer de se comprendre , d'améliorer nos défauts , renforcer nos qualités , bref de vivre bien avec soi même , car si l'on vit bien avec soi même on vit bien avec les autres . Je vous l'accorde messieurs et mesdames , ce n'est pas facile , mais qui a prétendu que ça l'était? personne je crois. Il y a toujours quelque part quelqu'un pour qui on est aimable( de qui on peut être aimé) car au final c'est bien la peur de ne pas être aimé qui nous rend si vulnérable. Ai je raison? L'homme n'est pas un sexe, un pénis, c'est un Être sexué. La femme n'est porteuse de vie que si un homme lui offre l'occasion de l’Être. Elle n'est pas un utérus mais un Être sexué et porteur de fertilité .

English translation by community member Ann L.

Communication Between Men and Women

She's always talking; he keeps quiet.
When a woman speaks, she's often thinking aloud, letting herself express the ideas that pop into her head; this gives her words a kind of fluidity but also a temporary quality which unnerves her partner ("Why is she always changing her mind?"). As for him, he often keeps quiet, which she interprets as a lack of interest. To avoid tension, one of them needs to recognize that women's talk isn't idle; rather, it's a way of allowing her thoughts to take shape. The other needs to realize that men aren't silent out of contempt but out of a need for reflection, which requires a certain amount of time. She could respect this psychological pause (instead of bombarding him with "so?", "and?", "what do you think?").

He relates the facts; she talks about her feelings.
When faced with life events, a woman freely expresses her feelings, while a man is more likely to relate "objective" information about what happens. She uses and overindulges in superlatives, metaphors, generalizations, and even a sort of poetic license, while he searches for the right word and takes what the other person says literally. A typical example likely to degenerate into an argument:
"Nobody cares about me" means, in women's language, "I feel alone", but he responds, "That's not true; you've got plenty of people around you." Most matrimonial conflicts stem from a semantic misunderstanding. To make herself understood, a woman should get accustomed to using words that are more precise and appropriate. A man should avoid taking everything at face value, and instead, assume that he should read between the lines.

For a woman, not having to ask is one of love's defining qualities. Because she intuitively feels others' needs and gives them everything she can, she makes the mistake of thinking that he can do the same. "As a man, I can say NO; women, like men, aren't able to figure everything out. I don't know who came up with that idea. It's up to each person to make an effort to be understood." It's true that men's language is more direct and therefore more understandable, but even so, women can't intuit everything, especially when trying to understand a woman's style of communicating with all its hinting around.

And yes, we are wired differently. But it's our gender and character differences that make life rich. Someone once said, "Life would be boring if everything was perfect". They were right, don't you think? It's all about trying to understand yourself, correct your faults, and strengthen your qualities; in short, it's about living in harmony with yourself because it's only by being at peace with yourself that you can live in peace with others. Ladies and gentlemen, I admit it's not easy, but who ever said it would be? Nobody, I think. There's always someone somewhere who could find us lovable (who could love us) because in the end, it's the fear of not being loved that makes us so vulnerable. Aren't I right? Man isn't a sex, a penis; he's a sexual Being. Woman isn't a bearer of life unless a man makes it possible for her to Be so. She is not a uterus but a sexual Being and a bearer of fertility.

Comments

Anna L.'s picture

Merci de partager votres pensées

Chère Alice,

Votre analyse de la communication entre homme et femme est vraiment perspicace. Merci de partager votres pensées et idées pour arriver à une meilleure compréhension mutuelle entre les sexes.

Bien amicalement,
Anna

Anna L.'s picture

Translation

Communication Between Men and Women

She's always talking; he keeps quiet.
When a woman speaks, she's often thinking aloud, letting herself express the ideas that pop into her head; this gives her words a kind of fluidity but also a temporary quality which unnerves her partner ("Why is she always changing her mind?"). As for him, he often keeps quiet, which she interprets as a lack of interest. To avoid tension, one of them needs to recognize that women's talk isn't idle; rather, it's a way of allowing her thoughts to take shape. The other needs to realize that men aren't silent out of contempt but out of a need for reflection, which requires a certain amount of time. She could respect this psychological pause (instead of bombarding him with "so?", "and?", "what do you think?").

He relates the facts; she talks about her feelings.
When faced with life events, a woman freely expresses her feelings, while a man is more likely to relate "objective" information about what happens. She uses and overindulges in superlatives, metaphors, generalizations, and even a sort of poetic license, while he searches for the right word and takes what the other person says literally. A typical example likely to degenerate into an argument:
"Nobody cares about me" means, in women's language, "I feel alone", but he responds, "That's not true; you've got plenty of people around you." Most matrimonial conflicts stem from a semantic misunderstanding. To make herself understood, a woman should get accustomed to using words that are more precise and appropriate. A man should avoid taking everything at face value, and instead, assume that he should read between the lines.

For a woman, not having to ask is one of love's defining qualities. Because she intuitively feels others' needs and gives them everything she can, she makes the mistake of thinking that he can do the same. "As a man, I can say NO; women, like men, aren't able to figure everything out. I don't know who came up with that idea. It's up to each person to make an effort to be understood." It's true that men's language is more direct and therefore more understandable, but even so, women can't intuit everything, especially when trying to understand a woman's style of communicating with all its hinting around.

And yes, we are wired differently. But it's our gender and character differences that make life rich. Someone once said, "Life would be boring if everything was perfect". They were right, don't you think? It's all about trying to understand yourself, correct your faults, and strengthen your qualities; in short, it's about living in harmony with yourself because it's only by being at peace with yourself that you can live in peace with others. Ladies and gentlemen, I admit it's not easy, but who ever said it would be? Nobody, I think. There's always someone somewhere who could find us lovable (who could love us) because in the end, it's the fear of not being loved that makes us so vulnerable. Aren't I right? Man isn't a sex, a penis; he's a sexual Being. Woman isn't a bearer of life unless a man makes it possible for her to Be so. She is not a uterus but a sexual Being and a bearer of fertility.

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