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Aleut Eyes

My mother and her friends had a nickname for me, though I am not sure how it is spelled or even which language it is in: Kushka Dika. They would smile at me and call me that name and once I asked my mom what it meant. She said it means "Mysterious Cat". They spoke a weird mixture of languages, Aleut mostly but if they did not have that word in Aleut they would use the Russian word for it and if they did not know the Russian word they would use the English one. I knew only English so understood very little of their conversations, but I would watch them and listen. I think I often curled up against the wall close to them to watch and listen to them though I did not understand many of the words.

When I found out my animal spirit was a snow leopard and began to learn about it more I see how it sort of fits me. One of the things you hear about cats is how they can see things that people usually can not. I know when I looked at people I looked at their hearts if I could see them or their minds if I could not. I could see the beauty of their dreams, like with my mother who replied 'because you can see me' when I once asked why she was so happy. Growing up my friends called it my "Aleut Eyes" and I guess they mean how I look to the heart of the matter.

My own daughters commented on it when we were talking about about psychology and sociology, 2 subjects they were interested in taking but I said it would be more fun and meaningful taking it at college. They were saying how I am good at seeing what a person is thinking or planning or means by what they say or don't say. I remember one friend made a comment how she thought maybe this psychic flash or reading an aura or whatever you call it happens when a child needs to see at a glance what kind of a mood that person is in. That could be part of it, I think, or at least why it became so developed so early in some people.

I think there is a big difference between looking and seeing something or someone. When you look at something you are judging it, it's quality, it's usefulness or it's whatever in relation to yourself. It is a very good thing to do when looking at things like clothing or fruit so you can judge which is the best of the ones available. When you see something you are looking at it as it "Is" though. In the case of people it could be who they are trying to become more then who they are at that moment in time. I think it was because I used my eyes to 'see' people that they always commented on my 'Aleut Eyes'.

I think you can feel the difference when people are looking at you or seeing you. It is something to be aware of in yourself as much as it is understanding other people. It is very easy to get a sort of 'dirty' feeling when someone looks at you. This happened to me and my daughters the first (and only) time we went to get a free Thanksgiving dinner. We had heard how there are people who want to help others and donate their time and money to help people like us who are having a hard time of it enjoy the holidays. We could not afford one by ourselves that first year out of the homeless shelter so went to get it. It was horrible. Everyone there looked at you as if you were some sort of lazy scumbag. It was a horrible sort of experience that made us feel like we needed showers afterwards and we decided that we would go without then ever do that again. But that is what can happen when people look at you instead of see you. That is why I think people should really be aware of it.

It helps to know why you suddenly feel so dirty when someone looks at you. It helps to know it is not about you but about that other person. Something inside of them makes them feel they have the right to judge you even when they do not know you or have a clue about your life. I know I probably would have assumed they were somehow right if I had been on my own but my daughters were with me and I know 100% they are not worthless. I think some woman are in situations where they get this feeling a lot and I hope it helps them to realize that this is a problem with the person looking at you and not within yourself.

It also helps to understand this when you yourself are looking at other people so you can make sure you see them instead of just look at them. One of my sisters had written me a letter that said many mean and cruel things in it. The reason she had to write it down was she could not look me in the eye and say such things since they were not true. I think I mostly see the truth in someone, when I take the time to actually see them, and why people think my eyes have a special look to them. I think, like the cat, I can sometimes see more then what is right in front of me. Perhaps the answer to that one ladies riddle (The Straight and Narrow Path, part 1) is I need to remind myself to actually look...

(A bit nervous since I am trying a slightly different style of writing here... hopefully I was able to make it a bit less "chatty" as my daughters call it)


Maria de Chirikof's picture

oh funny!

I showed my daughters this one this morning (I had written it late last night) and they agreed it "felt" different then I usually write. But they did not agree on how. They said it was more structured and refined then my usual posts, which was what I was trying to do this time. One said that it felt like I was trying to "tame" my emotions. She said it was good but felt like it lacked the "fire" of my other ones. She said the truth is still there though so that is good.

Please never be afraid to offer your thoughts on anything I write! I wanted to try something new for me so wonder how close I came to achieving it... This one I rewrote many times trying to "fix" it. I usually have it in my mind what I want to say and let the words come as they want. This time I tried to 'craft' them better, to take the raw material and forge it into something new.


katea's picture

my animal spirit

My animal spirit is a snake :) I always always dream about snake, mostly cobra. I used to be afraid of snakes but when I learned about what snake symbolizes, I felt relieved. I also believe my power animals include elephant, eagle, jaguar and dolphin. Hehe

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