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Sometimes God has to break you to make you

Have you ever:
Looked in the mirror and thought "if I could just lose ____ lbs, life would be so much better!"
Over eaten
Binged
Purged
Starved
Cut
Scratched
Burned yourself?

I don't know about you but I have. It got really bad for me. I had this account a while ago and got rid of it for personal reasons. Since then I developed anorexia. I went from 110 lbs down to 96 lbs. the passing of both my grandparents on my mom's side caused the development of a binge eating disorder a few months afterwards. It went from one extreme to the next! Thankfully I did not develop bulimia since I was too scared to make myself purge. I also began to self harm. I wouldn't cut necessarily. I "scratched" my forearm with needles, 3 different pairs of scissors, my fingernails, and once a knife. I drew blood only a few times. I was too scared to actually cut because I didn't like the idea of going that deep. I always was trying to find ways to get out of the rut I was in. It got to the point where I wanted to die. I began not to eat again and the scratching was escalating. It all changed today though.

This is my story. I hope it inspires you to get well too!

I picked up my Bible today to study the book of Malachi because we just got a puppy and chose that name. I opened it up to chapter one. I was going along and underlining what needed to be investigated further. I began to look up what needed a further look into and came to my 4th or 5th underline of the phrase "The Lord's table". I typed it into google and the first result was not an explanation, but a site for...well I didn't know. I kept scrolling and nothing else was mentioning The Lord's table so I became curious and clicked on the first link. It was a Christian, Bible based, 60 day eating plan to rid yourself of the sin of gluttony! I read further into the page and eventually signed up for it. Being that now I weigh around 114 lbs, I've been trying to lose my bingeing weight. The Lord's table is a well structured Christian weight loss program! It finally clicked in my head that this is how I'm going to get my dream body, in a God glorifying way!

I'm so excited to begin on Wednesday! I felt so joyful today! I want to recover so much (finally!)! The fact that I finally want to recover is amazing to me!

Today is the first day in a long time that I ate in a controlled and disciplined manner! I am so pleased that God has helped and blessed me this much!

~stay strong, it could all turn around any moment~

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