From the eyes of the sidelines
I have been feeling fairly alone recently. Though I am surrounded by people who love me, which is all I should really hope for, I feel like I cannot give them the attention they need from me.
I am the partner of a transgender male, and though I love him very much, I feel as though he is so wrapped up in his own transition that he doesn't seem to notice how much it actually effects me.
You see, before he started transitioning, I had been considered a lesbian in my circle of friends for several years. Now I have to deal with people questioning whether I actually care about him, as if our relationship of 4 years doesn't hold water now that he's a man. On top of this, I feel like I have to worry about him now because he has been out as a trans male on the news recently.
The next thing, gender specific anyways, is that my mother is having a hard time now that I identify as genderfluid. It just feels like she never wanted what I've become, like maybe she just wanted a hegemonic eldest daughter who can give her grandchildren within the next year or so, but this isn't something I want for myself.
I hope this makes sense. I've never done anything like this before, I just.. Feel like I need someone to talk to.