He calls me up at 5pm and asks, "Where are you?"
My answer, "I'm in a meeting with my boss. We have an urgent office meeting."
"At this time?"
His tone is not a friendly one and I am not sure what his problem is. Then he blurts out, "Look here. I insist that you come home this minute!"
Insist? You insist? Never in my life has anyone insisted that I come home this minute. The closest I came to this statement was my 31st birthday, when three military officers - close friends of mine - bundled me into their car and took me dancing. My dad thought I was coming home to spend my birthday with the family. He had waited up for a long time and was getting concerned that his "little girl" was in some kind of trouble. He called my cell phone and found out that I was out dancing and having fun. He laughed, hang up and went to bed. The next morning, he wished me Happy Birthday, asked why I had gone out to a night club - a place that is far too noisy for me - without calling to tell him to go to bed. It was out of genuine parental concern.
Well, this man is now insisting that I come home this minute. My reaction is, "You insist? You insist that I come home this minute? Who on Holy earth are you to insist that I come home this minute? You get off my phone before I throw tantrums!" Let me explain. He is not my husband, not my brother, my boyfriend, my neighbor or my babysitter. He is the man who is proposing to me through his mother! Before I have said the magic "yes", he is insisting that I come home this minute. I don't even live with him; I live in my own house - alone. He only comes to visit occasionally. And he wants me to be home at any time he desires to come to my house. If I am not at home, he asks me to come home to attend to him, and I have to explain that I cannot just leave the office. See, he is self employed - at least that's what he says - so he has no idea what office ethics are. He usually asks politey. Now he is insisting that I come home this minute.
I did not go home that minute. I closed from work at 8pm and I went home. He called at 8:30pm to tell me to quit my job. "A woman should be at home by 5pm to make dinner and take care of her household. This job is not good for me. I will make a kiosk for you to run so that you will have time for domestic affairs." Do people still say this to women with Masters' Degrees? It is all about what he wants, not what I want or need. If I marry this man, it will be because he insists that I marry him. He will insist that I give him my body (and he won't even bath before taking it!), my salary, my property, my time, my career, my religion. He will insist that I move into his mother's house and serve her and his sisters like a slave. He will insist that I give birth to 6 children when I want only 2. He would be the sole beneficiary of this unholy union. Before I know it, other people might describe me as a dutiful wife - a dutiful wife with no life. Yet, he would be living comfortably, insisting that I do not contribute anything to the home!
Does this sound familiar to you? I insist it does.