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It is very difficult to imagine ourselves making a big change for anything of our own thoughts or our lifestyle. But often we reach that stage when we go through some experiences that really opens our eyes to the reality of what we do not see , despite the intensity and clarity, or perhaps we used to ignore for fear of facing them with courage.
After a series of shocking experiences which I got through recently, I became sure if I want to change anything harsh, wrong, or unjust around me I must start with myself, work harder, and fight more and more till the last day of my life!
I am part of the total. That means I am a part of making the mistake!
I - along with others - allow that mistake to be and to continue!
It's so simple to figure out, but we usually do our best to escape from realizing it!
Since I was little girl I always feel a deep pain to realize the big misconception about women in our Arabic societies and how those concepts have been adopted and established by all/most of us males and females over long periods of time.

Now when I look back, I can see finally the all parts joining each other and making the complete picture which WE drew!!

I watched long, since I was a child, how in some Gulf countries, women lose their dignity and strength because they have lost their freedom.
Unjust laws have been long enacted against women.
For an example..
She asks for a divorce from her husband, who keeps beating her, so the case stays in the court for years and years with nothing she achieves!
Besides, he has the right to take her back to what's called 'house of obedience' where he can beat her more and more!!
Racial prison against Women, where she cries alone without finding someone who can stop that tide which takes her away.. Where oppression, absence and disappearance of the community!!

They exaggerated isolation between men and women in society ... thus false perception of each other arises..
The misconception, by females and males about themselves and what they really are, and Frustration also arise that leads to quite a lot of behavioral abnormalities in males and females.. and quite a lot of failure later when men and women marry and make a family.
Those two simple examples are applied to other Arabic countries as well, with some difference in the intensity of practices in each country.
But the ideas are the same..deep there.

One more horrible example.
Women in one country are exposed to lot of risks in addition to the limitation of their freedom.. Only because of insisting firmly so long on unjust laws of such not letting them drive cars!!
Well ..'she' really thanks 'you' for what you claim of your keenness to take care of her.. hiring a driver for YOUR car..who can take YOUR woman to any place she wish to go to!
Also, many of taxi drivers would really like to thank you for providing them with job opportunities!!
But the question here is..
Would you be able to thank yourselves for all of the incidents of abduction and rape you caused to happen by drivers and other men because of that serious social isolation which you work 'with your teeth' to keep it in its perfect situation ever?!!
Would you be brave enough to thank yourselves for what you cause of wrong passing relations between your women and your drivers in such unhealthy psychological atmosphere where a sense of weakness and total dependence on men and non-sufficient self confidence is sticking to most of your women and pushing them to do many mistakes and then get much pain later?
You are ignoring all of that ... Just for the sake of keeping the female in the back seat… of the 'vehicle' of life!!!

One more of the abnormal stuff..!
The urgent idea so many of Arabic/Muslim men have about multiple marriages!
Whenever I receive an offer to marry a married man, I just feel as if I need to vomit instantly!!
Not an objection by me, as many may think and accuse me quickly, to matters of religion!!
But denouncing this counterfeiting, which we have been doing long in name of God!!
That blind eye. Dead conscience!
This misinformation that we have practiced long .. all .. Males and females
The man claims that this is one of his rights.. to marry more than one woman.
And even claims it makes him closer to God!!
For any Islam those speak!!?
A lot of Syrian girls in different countries are now exploited under this name; trials to help the girls and do good!!
I still remember when a colleague told me how he asked some of those men who looking for Syrian refugee girls to marry claiming all they need is to help them and their families: "if you all really do it for that, then why didn't you do same with refugee Muslim females of other countries in neighborhoods in Africa who came to your country previously and still many others come.. just as Syrians running away from war and armed conflicts.. why we can see almost no marriages to any of those girls??
It was really a brave smart funny question, helping reveal the truth, which I will never forget!
They do it for their own benefits and pleasure looking for beautiful girls/women to enjoy spending some time of long-term;or even short-term, marriage with them...and then they call it rudely 'Done for God's sake' !!
Almost any of us can make the sum of 1 + 1 is 20!
Just If we add zero to both of 1. That would be great!
last one is almost exactly the equation that we accepted long; the hidden zeros and the result of delusion!!
With one difference..
The result is multiplied… but the zeroes are always added to the first 1 and so it resulted in 100 and more! While the other one stays as '1' and even going less by time!
That delusion which exhausted long women and society.. Men and children too!

I will keep in my rejection of all that I think they are wrong concepts here or there, faulting and fighting them more and more.
I wish to get the chance that is beyond rejection someday; the good chance to participate in making real change which can finally get us all; women and men , children and adults, to the beach of safety.


Anita Muhanguzi's picture

My dear sister

My dear sister thank you for posting these abuses that women are subjected to in the Muslim world. It is very absurd. We surely have to ensure that women will one day be free from all these injustices in the world. Continue to reject all these abuses and continue to fight for the rights of the women. Stay blessed my dear sister and we hope to hear more of your stories.

Mrs. Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi
Head of Legal and Advocacy
Centre for Batwa Minorities
Skype: mrs_muhanguzi

had's picture

Your words make me stronger

Your words make me stronger ...

Thank you, Anita
All love

Jan K Askin's picture

A Brave Statement

Dear Had,

You have identified abuse and injustice and subjugations all justified in the name of religion. It is so not only in Muslim societies, but also Christian and Hindu. Unfortunately the Muslim excuses seem to represented most strongly at time in history.

You are brave to list these examples of unjust and inhumane treatment. Attempting to steer culture in a new direction means swimming against a very strong current in the arab countries right now. You have taken the first stroke by listing
these denials of basic human rights.

Best wishes,

Your sister in the US,


Jan Askin

had's picture

It true, Jan. so many people

It true, Jan. so many people throughout history justified injustice in name of religion.. as if their belief they do good things in name of religion makes them stop judging things innately using their conscience .. unfortunately
i have just gone through your profile and realized the link you posted for one of jimmy Carter's articles.. talking about this point... its interesting..thank you.
And thanx for understanding and encouragement...really

All love

Sarah Whitten-Grigsby's picture

Thank You, had

Dear had,

Thank you for your passion, and may you continue to speak out in your strong voice and find ways to improve life for Arab women who deserved to have far better lives!

Best Regards,


had's picture

Sarah, thank you dear. I hope

Sarah, thank you dear.
I hope i will continue and be able to find ways to improve it.
women really deserve far batter lives..just as you said

My love,dear


Tait's picture

Thank you for writing this

Thank you for writing this journal entry. You bring up a great point, men and women have a long way to go in the roles that we should take on in society. I wonder why men beat women? Are they trying to beat the strength, the courage and the fight out of her? Maybe they know that when women do stand up there is no knocking them down. There has to be away to communicate to men that abuse is wrong. Through your writing I learned more about your culture. Continue to write about your passions and solutions that may help your community.


had's picture

Thank you Tait.. i agree. men

Thank you Tait..
i agree. men when beat women are actually trying to beat the strength!! maybe men throughout our history got used to control women, limit their 'existence' as completely equal human beings and limit their freedom... its worldwide culture as i think...? but some countries of the world decided strongly to start the way where they work hard to fight and get over those narrow views and unjust social attitudes where some part of the society,whatever was, can control the other part of it !!
And i think what made the change about this in other countries is the chances they got throughout history to make the change and how they used those chances almost perfectly... and that was amazing ..if we look back at those same societies only few decades and centuries ago! ....

i hope some laws will be set and enacted against all kinds of beating women... i pray that will be so soon

All my love

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