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My father always wanted a daughter :)

First time I felt that being a girl isn't the best thing to be in our country was when my aunt gave birth to her third baby girl. Her husband actually cried, of happiness I thought, but that wasn't the case...
He later told my mum that having a girl is the bad thing because you can never pay back everything you've invested. That was actually the first time I saw myself as someone’s investment. His daughters are beautiful and smart young ladies. They don't even try to make their father proud, they are too busy convincing themselves that they are beautiful, smart, successful or worth their mothers labor pain. My mother had the same problem. Her father didn't allow her to study abroad because she is a girl, and middle school is just enough. And I, well I was lucky; my father always wanted a daughter. He, for example, cannot forgive me for not wanting to continue mine studying abroad. I am not even trying to make him proud, but to make him realize that he is not more worth just because of supporting me. Trying to fight the battle the other way around.
They say that Bosnian women should be happy for having a chance to finish primary and secondary school with no trouble at all, mostly because primary is obligatory by law, and secondary pretty cheap and common thing. Just as cheap and common is the knowledge you gain trough secondary education. The moment faculty time comes, lectures, advises, blame, veto and judgment follows. Girl is the one to get married, to take care of future children and present parents, of household, of tradition and of cashing the great knowledge gained in secondary school so the husband or a father or any male relative can take a rest of that heavy, tiring, pristine burden of being in charge of feeding the hungry children. Well poor little tortured man.
Our law is empowering us. Making us believe that we are allowed to do whatever our mind decides. That we are as good as exalted male. But reality is that law doesn't count. Women are mans investment. And if not repaying to your father, you should really indulge your husband. What's the problem!?That was the purpose in the first place! To make a good old man proud, to finally give him an opportunity to take a rest from paying bills, to give him the chance to say "You see, my daughter is a doctor, a lawyer, a engineer, a professor. She was one of the best students.”, because let's face it, that is the only chance to finish faculty in a first place. You are not allowed to fail, no more wasting time. You won't always be young. Your male friends can always make a child, you, you cannot give birth to one whenever you want. And in order to fulfill your purpose you HAVE GOT TO give birth to at least one, and preferably male one.

This story was written for World Pulse’s Girls Transform the World Digital Action Campaign.

World Pulse believes that women's stories, recommendations, and collective rising leadership can—and will—bring girls greater access to education which will transform their lives, their families, and communities. The Girls Transform Campaign elicits insightful content from young women on the ground, strengthens their confidence as women, and ensures that influencers and powerful institutions hear their stories.
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awinkie's picture

Good work!

I love your post and how you speak your mind. It is refreshing to hear what women really think about this issue and where you think it needs to be fixed. It is a horrible thing that women and girls are seen as an investment, let alone one that will never be worthwhile. Keep speaking your mind and talking about the issues facing you and your country!

Thank you very much for this encouraging comment. I'm so grateful that I was given an opportunity to share this with everyone...Yet I feel as whining brat, knowing the issues of woman from all over the world, but our problems are finally the biggest we are facing at the moment, unfortunately or fortunately, depends on perspective... Thanks one again :)

Frances Faulkner's picture



Thank you for writing and sharing your awakening to the situation for Bosnian girls and your passionate thoughts as a result.

With the support of your own good father, you have the ability to step back and really survey the situation around you and see exactly what needs change. You are in a strong place to offer encouragement to your girl cousins, to advance your own education and develop leadership and mentoring skills, and to take steps toward change. This is exciting!


Girluptogether's picture


Lavander, I am moved by your self-awareness and your conviction. You have been raised in a culture that values one thing and you have listened to your inner voice and determined your own course. You are courageous and an inspiration to women everywhere.

Thank you for sharing your passionate position that we all have the right to self-determination! It is inspiring and a gift that you are sharing with all of us!

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