Introducing myself and my journal: The everyday life of a average girl doing not so average things
I am a survivor.
At 15 i got pregnant by a stranger at a party.. I had scholarships lined up to go to school across the country to anywhere i ever wanted to go or could possibly dream of. I was ahead a whole year in school, proud and strong and sure of myself... and then I thought i could do all of this with this boy, right? He was kind to me at first, we worked together to help him finish his schooling and he went on to join the USMC.
I wasnt allowed to talk to my friends or go out with out him. Overprotective much? We'd fight over it really bad like i was wrong for wanting to go out and see my girlfriends or my best friends. It got worse and worse so i just stopped seeing them. unless it was at school.
I had his baby, my daughter Evelyn she's my whole world. Not even 40 hours after she was born i was back in the hospital with her. Her face was blue, she had a high fever and i didn't know if she was going to live or not... neither did the doctors. Two weeks we were in the hospital with no idea, i couldnt even hardly get out of bed after just being in labor a couple of days before. He didnt even get up to help me once and left us there in the hospital for 4 months i was all alone with a sick baby.
He came back after 4 months, about ready to go to bootcamp for the USMC and everything was as if he hadnt left. Like it was before i had Evelyn. I let him back into my life unsure about what i was really getting into. I got a job and my parents watched our Daughter for us while he was gone until i could move with him to his duty station.
I wrote him everyday, 91 days he was in training unable to communicate via text, calls, or internet. I got maybe ten letters back tops. We got married right after boot camp and then he went back to 6 more months of training.
Things were weird, he stopped telling me where he was or who he was with and everything. He told me i wrote him too many letters and to stop texting him so much because it was annoying. His wife was annoying. I brushed it off as his ego beginning to get too big. So we weren't communicating so much and he was being secretive.
After his 6 months of training i moved down there with him packed up and left my cozy city of Eugene made my way down to 29 Palms California. Theres absolutely nothing to do there, unless you drive out to San Diego, or to Disney Land.
We had a house on the base and it was perfect i love interior design all the colors matched the house was done all cute within the week of us moving in. Everything was happy, we went shopping for grocereys and he left for the field for the week. And then things started to get a little weird.
He was angry, and violent towards me but never actually hit me. Just scared the crap outta me. I couldnt sleep or hardly do anything without making him mad at me. I did everything i could to please him and if i did something wrong my dishes would be broken or my coffee would accidentally spill into my lap.. Our daughter had just turned 1 when we moved down there and she didnt even want to go to him. I kept thinking "this is going to work out he's just too tired" or "oh hes just in a rut"
In all honesty I was isolated in a new place without my family, no friends and no where to go. My husband abandoned me during the week and on the weekend i was humiliated. Yelling because we were out of dog food, we had one car (which he took with him) and i couldnt walk to the store from the opposite side of base with our baby on my hip. My neighbors would bring me a quarter of a bag full of dog food claiming theyre dogs were picky.. Lots of things like that
It took me 2 years to leave him. Im glad i did because he's getting help and we're working on things so that we are getting along for Evelyn. I go to counseling three times a week still, Evelyns about due for a second surgery we're not sure when.
But that's just me, my beginning to all of this.
Thank you for reading
Music, writing, blogging, my daughter, helping others
Communicating, Facing the World with lost hope
My Vision for the Future:
The undoing of dehumanization towards young or teen mothers
My Areas of Expertise:
Teen Pregnancy, Young Mothers, Military Wife/ divorce, addiction