And he walked away!
I was in the open market to buy fabrics, a young girl was talking to her mother about me, I know she was referring to my skin condition, this was at the peak of of my vitiligo, I had so much white patches around my front and back neck, hand and face. I was already familiar with stares, nasty comments and being discussed openly to my hearing at that point, but it was different, I saw admiration in her eyes and when the mother turned, there was a big smile, then she called and pleaded to speak with me, I accepted and she was surprised. She confessed that am the first person with the vitiligo condition she has met who is willing to talk about it and has some explanation to give.
She does not have Vitiligo, her younger Sister does and its tearing the family apart, they are all distressed, their once loving, vibrant and funny sister is fast becoming a shadow of herself, they were all worried, they wanted to offer any help they can, unfortunately they didn’t know exactly what to do. She had gone abroad to different hospitals and came back same; the worst was her husband not finding all the change in skin color funny. Like I would anytime, I wanted to leave all I was doing to meet with her immediately, my heart went out to her completely, the Sister wondered if I was real, I had gone through a lot and understand to an extent what her sister was going through, I thought hard about her marriage being affected when her husband was supposed to be her greatest support. We didn’t meet immediately because she was not living in same city as we do. We exchanged phone number and started talking.
I met with her finally 6months after, a completely beautiful woman of mixed race married to one of the most exposed families in her State. I could not believe it while speaking with her, she had lost all confidence and living life of fear, someone who used to tour the world could not move from one State to another because he didn’t want friends to see what his wife had become. He did not understand nor accept the skin color changes, as far as hewas concerned it doesn’t just happen, she must have committed some atrocities with her mother, its simply nemesis. She was asked to open-up and confess all she had done that is now affecting her.
The marriage, blessed with lovely daughters, in all of that he couldn’t just come to terms with it, as she was battling the loss of her skin color which has taken her facial skin colors, her hands and most of part of her body were already depigmented, husband says he can’t cope with it, his wife is no-more. In all her trauma and challenges, he was never there to support, when she needed him most, he was not just there. I could only imagine because I was in a relationship when mine started and he claimed he loved the patches and spots (patronizing me big time), not knowing he was scared stiff that something terrible must have happened that I started losing my skin color, I cried for days pleading that he should please stay close to me as I was really lonely and needed a shoulder to cry on, he used all excuse to walk away. Mine was a boyfriend and I know how I felt let alone a ‘husband’.
Yes your guess is as good as mine, he did take a Walk. It was so painful for her, it was just too hard for her at that point and it was for three years, she kept wondering why he believes that its nemesis and has everything to do with her mother.
African woman and our orientation, she was already adjusting, getting herself off it all to take good care of her daughters, she loved music and was getting back to it, she had found a make-up that helps her conceal it, she was just getting into life again, a man was interested in her and she was giving him a chance, life was getting back to normal. He heard it and went calling on the wife and with a simple ‘I am sorry’ she was expected to accept and be happy that her husband is back to her. She did for sure, but did he apologise for his mistakes, she was not out for that, but very happy with the fact that they are together again. He encouraged all the make-up in this world and certain kind of clothing to cover the spots and patches, what I call 'wanting me to be what you want to what am comfortable in'.
In her case he came back, many women have lost their marriages to a condition they have no control over,single ladies are fast becoming single parents for any man that dares say hello because they believe he may be the last. They walk away after the pregnancy, this is part of what I must change, preaching Self-Acceptance and Self-love, not an easy one really.
Help us get the public out of this ignorance, help us educate and enlighten the World about Vitiligo by signing our petition on www.25june.org.
Twitter - @vitsaf
Skype - vitsaf1
Linkendin - ng.linkedin.com/pub/ogo-maduewesi/14/719/314/