Revealing personal information
Revealing information about myself is quite daunting, be it that I do so intentionally or unintentionally. I guess it is my choice as to what personal information I reveal and whom and when to do so. I have realised that there are both risks and gains to revealing personal information, sometimes more imagined than real. The risks include: being rejected; being misunderstood; lack of confidentiality; having what was disclosed used against me; disclosing too much too soon; and being unable to handle the consequences of my disclosures. However, engaging with the Worldpulse community is turning out to be a liberating and empowering experience, which releases a rush of energy, to want to go beyond my intentions to discuss my personal experiences in a way that enriches me and makes me want to express myself more. I have found there are considerable gains to revealing personal information, sometimes. Lessened loneliness and alienation; a sense of self-acceptance; curiousness for self-knowledge; increased possibilities for friendship and collaboration; defining myself rather than being defined by someone else; standing up for myself; and having a greater sense of control over my life.
The question that still lingers in my mind is whether my disclosure is suitable on Worldpulse or other social context I may relate in.
I have not only uncovered and released my potential to relate, but am forging relationships too. Receiving the thoughtful feedback on Worldpulse is making me look at who I am, what I am and what I’m becoming in a more realistic way. Living with secrets can make one comfortable to be mistrusting and wary about life and others at times. It has certainly made my youth and young adult life very challenging when forming relationships. I always chose to be a loner, living in my own head space and feeling comfortable with what I thought I knew. Ironically I chose a career that requires of me to be assertive and get involved with others more frequently. It was always easier dealing with people I did not have to get to know intimately, than forming and maintaining meaningful relationships. This way I did not have to confront certain demons and kept them hidden from others. When I did get into what I thought were meaningful relationships, I would immediately expose too much about myself, feeling like it was an opportunity to let it all out, in the hope to develop lasting safe relationships. Of course the (men in my life) at the time, saw me as weak, self sacrificing, as I always seemed to depend on them for emotional comfort thus making me a target for verbal and at times physical abuse. What was I thinking? What was I expecting, giving away my power? Some may say I’m too hard on my younger self. Have I forgiven myself for making mistakes? Yes I had too -something we all do is make mistakes; allow ourselves to be blinded by “love” (emotion) when we should use reason to ‘balance” emotion. Some of us however learn from them, others seemingly not, they just repeat the cycle and expect different results with a different person…when the problem is not so much the other person but they themselves who have not confronted their demons, learned from mistakes, etc, All of us want to be loved, accepted and sometimes we do what in retrospect seem like silly things to secure that.
For this reason I have realised that in relationships I make the choices that create and define me too both myself firstly and then to others, I choose too.
You always define yourself, for good or ill, in the ways you: talk about yourself, start and develop relationships, assert yourself, listen, manage your feelings and work on conflicts. Just as one cannot avoid communicating, one cannot avoid making the choices that define you.
The journey of self discovery/realisation it seems is never ending….or is it?