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No wife batterers allowed!!

In a recent Kenyan parliamentary debate on appointment of the chair of an interim election body, a female parliamentary rejected a nominee on the grounds that he batters his wife, an announcement that was received with booing from the male-dominated parliament.

I sat there wondering to myself why the house reacted like that. Is it because it is full of men who thought she was being fickle minded. Is it because wife battery is no longer considered a crime in our society? Whatever the reason, my first reaction was, why are they booing? Perhaps this is an indication on why the Kenyan parliament has been dragging its feet when it comes to passing legislation on women.

I get concerned at how casually we treat wife battery. When a neighbour decides to turn his wife into a drum at 8.00pm in the night, we turn a deaf ear and mind our own business, and worse still is if you report the matter to the police, the typical response at least in my country Kenya would be “it’s none of your business, that’s their own private concern”.

Wait a minute, it becomes my business when you turn a fellow human being into a football, kicking her pregnant tummy until she loses the child; it becomes everyone’s business if you beat your wife to death because she didn’t warm the food hot enough!

I recently had a very interesting conversation with two women on this, one pointed out to me that perhaps our cultures (especially African) entertain this behaviour. She said that from where she comes from, they believe that if the husband does not beat you once in a while then he no longer loves you; beating is a sign of love! She went on to say that some women would even dare or tease their husband into beating them. We sure have different perceptions of what love is!

On the same note, there are those women who are quick to rebuke women who get out of abusive relationships. They tell you that, that is how marriage is and you just need to persevere! But who said that’s how marriage is? Marriage is a commitment to love and cherish one another in sickness and in health etc etc. What if the woman preservers straight to her grave?

Women, it is time to move out when your husband raises his hand on you. You are no lesser being than he is, you are his partner. You cannot stay there and risk you life because of the children. Find some place to seek help, today it might be one slap but tomorrow it might be a kick six feet under.

Back to my female parliamentarian, I agree with you, no wife batterer should hold public office and as a Kenya woman who pays taxes, I applaud you for standing up for all those women who are beaten by their spouses.If it is true that indeed the said gentleman who is also a custodian of law in Kenya beats his wife...then shame on him and no he will not be paid by hard earned cash!

It is time to speak up, loudly for everyone to know that you cannot beat up a woman and get away with it, whether it is your wife, girlfriend, sister, mother or daughter. Think about it. This is my opinion…am waiting for yours!

Comments

jadefrank's picture

I second that emotion

Hi Linda,

I could not agree more with your journal on domestic violence. When is it ever okay for a man to beat his wife? And how did it come to be accepted by some that this is a sign of love? When is violence ever a sign of love? My question is: what can we do to change this norm?

I think it begins with raising our voices. What a bold move for the female parliamentarian to stand up to these men and to voice her concern for this issue. And by sharing your own thoughts and experience on this issue - you too are taking these necessary steps for change. Thank you for your thoughts and your captivating writing.

Warm regards,
Jade

LOGWELL's picture

Hi Jade, Thanks. Indeed what

Hi Jade,

Thanks. Indeed what can we do to change this norm. Advocacy would go along way. We have to let these women know that it is wrong to allow anyone to lay a finger on them but also go a step forward in advicating for the lagislative and law makers in our countries to pass law that protct women against such happening.

Thanks!!

Kagwii's picture

I had this same conversation

I had this same conversation with my friends the other day and their reasoning gave me a bad taste in the mouth. Most felt that the female parliamentarian had stopped low by using grapevine information over a man who was not there to support himself(sic). One said that the female MP exposed her ignorance and made women look bad, that women MPs rarely speak and when they do, they embarrass us all. I pointed out that she had every right to voice her concerns, after all men MPs are notorious for saying the most terrible things about people. Also it was a reason enough not to support the proposed team.

What got me was the fact that my friends in their twenties do not necessarily count wife battery as a good reason or issue to bring up in parliament. Needless to say, call in radio programs continually dismissed the female MP and laughed about it, some saying that actually women need t be beaten to 'behave'.

We all know that violence against women is about power and control. In most cases, this is the only way a woman gets attention from her husband, he first beats her when he thinks he needs to show her who's the boss and later has sex with her(whether she wants it or not) to show her who's the man in the house.

More work is needed to address the whole issue of violence against women and domestic violence. What better place to start than the law making institution which is the parliament? My one remedy is to get more women in parliament to bring up these issues and sponsor the right bills as well as vote for them. That is why I make it a point to vote for a woman even when I know she may not win (smile)

LOGWELL's picture

Hey Kagwi, Thank you for

Hey Kagwi,

Thank you for taking time to read and comment! I would like to comment on marital raper which is a big and controversial issue especial in Africa where in most cases the man believes that he owns the woman. I recently read somewhere that the Rwandese parliament was to pass a bill on violence against women, the bill recognizes rape in marriage. I think thats a big step and wish our Kenyan counterpart would think about our own womens rights bill!

By the way...I am with you on voting for women anytime!!!!

I read your story with interest. I, too, would like to applaud that lone Kenyan parliamentarian women, for vocalising a TRUTH; no matter how much ridicule she receives from her male colleagues who - since they perpetuate this type of barbaric behaviour in the first place, will obviously want to laugh it off in order to render any active dis-agreement with if null and void.

That's just a tactic - silly, but commonplace amongst the Weak; and who is weaker - morally and mentally, than a Man who chooses to vent his own feelings of inadequacy by beating a Woman?

I am a Caribbean woman, and sharing as I do a racial heritage with Africa through our equally brutalised post-colonial past, I can relate to this whole sick and sickening notion of Black Men attempting to Re-Coup some of their Lost Power as Slaves, by hunting for New Victims, i.e, Women and the Children whom she - largely, protects and cares for on her own.

From what I have read as well as intuitively gauged about culture on the African continent, it appears as though - odd and paradoxical though it might be to State it: AFRICA'S FIRST SLAVES...WERE WOMEN & CHILDREN!.

When I read literature detailing aspects of domestic, social, religious and other illuminating aspects African culture, and how it is deployed to either benefit or dis-empower African men and women, I cannot help seeing parallels with the British and other empiricists' conceptualisation and deployment of Colonialisation. After all, how much ESSENTIAL difference is there within the AFRICAN-MALE MINDSET that - as Father/Brother/Husband, will accept Lobola, or bride-price as part of a "cultural" marital-transaction for transferring "ownership" of another Human Being...and the proverbial "shekels of silver" with which the British, French, Spanish or Portuguese themselves PURCHASED - not just Women, but AFRICAN MEN, AS SLAVES from fellow African traders upon the African continent? NO...DIFFERENCE...WHATSOEVER!!

It becomes no surprse - to me, at least, when in contemporary times, an African Woman's public denunciation of a "modern" Kenyan Parliamentarian who beats his wife can draw derisve laughter from his African-Male Cabinet colleagues, together with the rest of the African-Brotherhood within wider society,

This CALLOUS, CULTURALLY-BRED, HUMANITY-DEFICIENCY AS EVIDENCED IN AFRICAN-MEN LIVING OUT THEIR "SLAVE-MASTER" LIVES OVER WOMEN IN KENYA...AS IN THE CONGO,...SIERRA LEONE...ETC, ETC, is, much like a connundrum over which Caribbean Women remark with much scorn and disgust. Namely, the FACT that while enslaved by Europeans, BLACK SLAVES IN THE CARIBBEAN were virtually forced to form sexual relationships with as many Women as they could, in order to produce more SLAVE-OFFSPRING to work on the Slave Master's Plantations.

However, in TODAY'S MODERN, SO-CALLED "CIVILIZED" WORLD, WHILE CARIBBEAN BLACK MEN WILL SPEAK PASSIONATELY ABOUT OVERCOMING THEIR ENSLAVED PAST...THEY NONETHELESS CONTINUE - WITH MUCH VIGOUR, GLEE AND ABANDON - AS "FREE MEN," ...TO SLEEP WITH EVERY WOMAN THEY CAN, AS OFTEN AS THEY CAN...AND THEN BELLIGERENTLY DENY THAT THE OFFSPRING ARE - OR EVEN COULD BE THEIRS. IN FACT, THE ARROGANT TREND IS FOR THEM TO DERISIVELY DEMAND THAT THE WOMAN - FORCED TO ENDURE THE SHAME AND PHYSICAL STRESS OF SEEKING CHILD SUPPORT FROM THE LAW COURTS, SHOULD PAY FOR ANY D.N.A. TESTS THAT WOULD PROVE CONCLUSIVELY THAT THEY ARE, INDEED THE FATHERS OF THESE MULTIPLE OFFSPRING, FROM THEIR "FREELY" INDULGED-IN MULTIPLE RELATIONSHIPS.

So, my African Sisters; you will realise that SLAVERY DID NOT END WHEN SLAVES either FOUGHT FOR - or worse: WERE "GIVEN" THEIR SO-CALLED "FREEDOM." WHY? TRUE FREEDOM cannot be SEIZED - in the first place, and as such, lies in NO MAN'S HAND TO "GIVE" BACK!

Hence, the Black MAN - whether African born, Caribbean bred or a migrant-European, UNTIL SUCH TIME AS HE EMBRACES - FIRST - HIS HUMANITY, OVER HIS SEXUAL MANHOOD AS A FORMER - SHAMEFUL, NOT BOASTFUL - "PLANTATION STUD,"...will ALWAYS remain MENTALLY-ENSLAVED TO HIS UN-FULFILLED NEED TO "RECLAIM" HIS HUMANITY - AS THE MOST IMPORTANT ASPECT OF HIS LIFE - FIRST IN HIS OWN EYES, AND AFTERWARDS BEFORE THE REST OF A TOO-LONG WAITING WORLD. A WORLD, SADLY - BUT WITH MUCH, MUCH EVIDENCE (i.e., routine and brutal gang-rape, further degenerated by the mindlessly-savage acts of vaginal insertion of Guns and Bayonets in the Congo; taunting and gleeful decapitations and mutilations of civilian's limbs, noses, ears - babies notwithstanding, in Sierra Leone,...), WHICH STILL THEREFORE "SEES" AND TREATS HIM AS A SAVAGE FOREVER-ENSLAVED BY HIS OWN PHYSICAL LUSTS,

A FORMER DE-HUMANISED, ENSLAVED NON-HUMAN BEING, WHO - SINCE HAVING FAILED, EVEN AFTER "EMANCIPATION" TO...FREE...HIS....OWN...MENTALITY...AND...MORALITY....REMAINS AS A RESULT TRAPPED WITHIN A VICIOUS CYCLE OF - FUTILELY - TRYING TO FREE HIS HARROWED CONSCIOUSNESS OF A BRUTALISED HISTORICAL PAST, BY BRUTALLY REPEATING THE SAME - EVEN MORE HORRENDOUS ACTS OF THIS SAVAGE AND HUMANITY-SAVAGED PAST UPON OTHERS.

olutosin's picture

I love you all

Hi All,

I suggest that articles and comments on various issues posted on pulsewire should be made available in print to men and women who have no access to internet, it shoud be sent out unedited, my fellow women, you are GREAT!!!!!!!!!! For women to learn, take necessary steps about issues they keep secret and suffer silently on and for men to inform their friends, brothers and fathers that we are very much aware now. Last week in Lagos, Nigeria a man in Agege Local Govt Area beat his wife, who was nine months old pregnant, she delivered a baby girl 3 days later and died immediately but the husband was arrested hours later, I can supply the full details.

How many women have died secretly in the hands of "till death do us part"? God remains the judge of widowers. I had my first baby in 2002, I had a hot argument with my husband about helping me to carry the baby for a few minutes while I take a nap in the middle of the night, he never believed that a man should help a woman to carry a child, he got angry and beat me till I almost fainted, the baby was 28 days old while I stayed back in the hospital after delivery for intensive care becauseo f Hypertension. I was blamed by his family members for ever telling my husband to help me to carry a baby, it is uncalled for, unheard of and worthy of real beating, I landed back in hospital the following day.

Olutosin

Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town
Lagos-Nigeria

https:

olutosin's picture

KUDOS TO YOU ALL

Hi All,

I suggest that articles and comments on various issues posted on pulsewire should be made available in print to men and women who have no access to internet, it shoud be sent out unedited, my fellow women, you are GREAT!!!!!!!!!! For women to learn, take necessary steps about issues they keep secret and suffer silently on and for men to inform their friends, brothers and fathers that we are very much aware now. Last week in Lagos, Nigeria a man in Agege Local Govt Area beat his wife, who was nine months old pregnant, she delivered a baby girl 3 days later and died immediately but the husband was arrested hours later, I can supply the full details.

How many women have died secretly in the hands of "till death do us part"? God remains the judge of widowers. I had my first baby in 2002, I had a hot argument with my husband about helping me to carry the baby for a few minutes while I take a nap in the middle of the night, he never believed that a man should help a woman to carry a child, he got angry and beat me till I almost fainted, the baby was 28 days old while I stayed back in the hospital after delivery for intensive care becauseo f Hypertension. I was blamed by his family members for ever telling my husband to help me to carry a baby, it is uncalled for, unheard of and worthy of real beating, I landed back in hospital the following day.

Olutosin

Olutosin Oladosu Adebowale
Founder/Project Coordinator
Star of Hope Transformation Centre
512 Road
F Close
Festac Town
Lagos-Nigeria

https:

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