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Her journey to love

For many generations, you have let your worth to be determined by your beauty. And for years you have even learned how to adorn yourself with chemicals and at times even burned your hair in an attempt to look like barbie. Oh maybe if I can loose more kilos? Just to abit be slim, I will might just like me? oh! no! maybe if the size of my nose was smaller? No! Maybe if I was born in a different race I could just be. The little young girl who lives inside has tried to scream and even shout to you that you should just breathe and live. And suddenly confusion filled your mind when you thought of the thought of maybe just maybe "being". This has been your life! What you known, after all the very first time you discovered to love was when you showed affection to your doll. Plastic?painted with beautiful colors, perfect futures, cheeks glowing with a natural glow and the doll always wore a smile even if you threw her on the floor so hard that both her legs with be separated at times and now you take him back every time he said he was sorry and oh! It was your fault! You made him do after all he does it because he loves you. And you also learned to even over feed your precious doll because of all the boredom and now today you find yourself struggling with your weight because you have learned to eat to entertain yourself and even escape the realities of life.Unrealistic you say to yourself! The world expects ME to be beautiful, strong, happy and even in love with life even when I am sad about loosing my loved ones or even my beautiful vintage blouse? For years you have even learned to make friends with two imaginary mates "fear and disappointment". Always opening up for disappointment, you know let me just be ready in case this friend hurts me or if maybe if this guy decides to leave?You learned to prepare yourself for the worse cases in life. Fear became your invisible vehicle to achieving and pursuing all that which you believed you deserved. Religion, addictions, relationships, materials and none of those knew how to give what you couldn't express but you knew very well that you needed to exist. Now, my Beautiful Princess today I take this time to break some news to you and I am not even afraid to hurt or disappoint you because I know that you already armed yourself with your two friends. The truth is you no longer that little girl who is playing with dolls anymore and of course you have learned to discover that Fairy tales do not really exist and Santa Clause is just your parents buying you exactly what you want because they love you. Today my dear, I will like you to know that you have two new friends who have been long waiting for you.For years they patiently waited and they are "trust and love". To be continued..................


Rochelle White's picture

I understand

I am so happy you were able to put my feelings into words. Normally, I feel like this but am too embarrassed to say any of it out loud, to afraid people will begin to look closer and see my flaws. You make many good points, but what hit me the most was two new friends, Trust and Love. Both of which I find myself struggling to show to myself. And trust, forget it, I can love others but trust, that is another story.

My feelings are the same, if only I was this or that. Life would be better if my hair was longer, skin was smoother, caramel color to cover up my flaws, thinner belly, and taller. Somehow with those qualities I could be more successful or be loved. It makes me feel so sad, so weak sometimes. Beauty is not everything but people treat me so different when I cover myself up with long hair weaves, high heels, makeup, and nice clothes. I even feel more confident. I get so angry at myself because when I do not put these things on, I feel so transparent. My self esteem on my sleeve and can be shattered even by a smirk. My friends too. As a good friend I am always trying to uplift them but deep down inside I feel the same fear and disappointment.

As a kid, these feelings never existed. Just like that fairy tale world, the bubble broke when I was rejected over and over.

I find myself praying to God. I know I am broken but feel like one day he will help to fix me inside so that my outside will not keep me in bondage. It is such a long process and I know these emotions and dependability on my appearance came from all the hurt and pain I felt in the course of my life, just as it is for other women and girls.

Thank you for writing this today.



PrincessZar's picture

Thank you:-)

Good day dear, my sincere apologies for the much delayed response. I have been so busy and even got distracted to respond to your comment. I strongly agree that beauty is not all however we have been made to think so other wise to hate ourselves for being different. I believe that we are slowly moving into a new era of confident women who embrace who they are and defying all odds where materials are now seen only assesories not everything.

I will love to keep connecting with you to learn from your experiences and journey through this path together.

Warmest Regards
Princess Zar

Keep your fire burning!

Phionah Musumba's picture

Every Woman Is Beautiful

Whatever size, colour, creed, religion or cultural beliefs, everyone is beautifully and wonderfully made in the likeness and image of their creator. When we look into the mirror next time, we gotta give ourselves a peptalk! No one else will ever be you! There's only one you, which in itself is unique!

Phionah Musumba
Founder/Executive Director
Malkia Foundation &
Centre for Disadvantaged Girls, Kenya
P.O Box 9461 - 00300,
Nairobi, Kenya
Facebook: Phionah Musumba
Twitter: @KenyaGals
LinkedIn: Phionah Musumba
Skype: phionah.anguzuzu.musumba

PrincessZar's picture

So true!

Wow Phly! that's so true hey we need to start being kind to ourselves and love ourselves and the world will follow our lead!

Keep your fire burning!

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