Sorry for Not Letting You Know but I Had to Do So!
I was seeing him almost after two years. My father had become much weaker than before. When I said hello to him it was then that he saw me sitting in front of the television because he could not see as clearly as he did before. He was shocked seeing me and when I realized both of us were crying with my head on his chest. He held my hands and was kissing them, and he tried to do the same to my feet which I did not let him do.
I was going back home for summer break of 2012 after two years studying at Asian University for Women in Bangladesh. I came to AUW without my father knowing and also I went back without him knowing. At the first place, I was afraid that he won’t let me go. When I went to Afghanistan for the vacation, I was still afraid of what will happen and what will he do. But his behavior made me believe he supported me. At least he supported me by not standing on my way and by forgiving me if he has done so. Though, sometimes I think maybe he just doesn’t care. Even I thank him for not caring so that I can continue.
My relationship with my father has not been good since our family returned to Afghanistan from Pakistan in 2005, especially since he married another woman in Afghanistan. Sometimes, I do say he ‘betrayed’ my mother and us though this phrase cannot be considered a correct one to use in Afghanistan for a man. It has always been women’s betrayal to men that has been counted, not men’s, so I don’t really have the right to say this.
After the vacation, I returned to AUW again without telling him. Though, this time it was more difficult than before to not tell him, I did not and also did not want to because to me it was to risk my future and many other women like my mother for whom I think I would be able to do something after I graduate. I think I did the right thing although many people have told me I did wrong.