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In many ways, I am extremely grateful for all the opportunities I have had. Parents who supported my education from a good school, my mother's insistence as I was growing up that I should never be like her ( a homemaker) and I need to be financially independent. However, it does sadden when at some point society and it's pressures have caught up with my parents. I feel pressurized by my parents (and society) to have kids. Frankly, I don't feel ready for it.

Will I be a good mother? Maybe. However, I don't feel that longing when I see other people's babies, that inherent urge for motherhood that women are supposed to have. Of course, I wonder if I wait for that to happen, will my body cooperate when I really want to have kids? Probably not. I have talked about the option of adoption later with my husband and it is something we are both interested in. But I do wonder if I will have the energy to run behind a toddler in my late thirties, or early forties. Would it be fair for the child to have an older parent who is busy at work and tired all the time (as compared to younger parents?).

I will turn thirty two next week, and this is something constantly on my mind. Am I allowing society to dictate how I should lead my life? Well meaning family friends and family insist my husband and I should have our own kids in the near future. My mother, somewhat often says "why couldn't I have just had a normal daughter?" who would get married and have kids?

I wonder that myself sometimes. But I know I will never be happy leading a "normal" life. I want to make my mark on this world in someway, preferably by giving women the same opportunities I have had. I just don't know yet exactly how I want to implement it.


jadefrank's picture

"normal life"


As women, we fight hard for the enjoyment of rights. But with these rights come questions like the ones you are facing. Thank you for sharing your inner struggle with childbearing/rearing. You are not alone in these thoughts and it helps to read your words as they echo thoughts I often have myself.

Warm regards,

Nzasu's picture

Have a read

Have a read at this Hairness.It may not help you much, but it might help you to understand things.This is my personal opinion and take on this aspect of life.

I am not an independent woman and do not seek to be one not now not ever! Independent woman ideology a western creation simply means a woman who depends on the individual herself. Marriage a natural ideology on the otherhand is a partnership where an individual man and woman depend on one another. Independent woman ideology and marriage ideology cannot mix and that is why we have the problems we have today people trying to mix the two. So am promoting a new movement and that is the category I would place myself in an able bodied woman. An able bodied woman is a woman who can and is abled enough to do it by way of education, exposure, experience etc. However unlike the independent woman she seeks to be in partnership with her husband to build and grow. Its easier for two hands to build a house than one. Don’t buy this look at the typical man situation today. He has a mistress who needs him and seeks him for her development and growth. Whilst the wife the wife of today is independent strong and can do just fine without her man. The man keeps the two of them they both offer two things one is needy seeking to grow and build herself but independently and the other is strong and able enough to hold everything together so why not be an in-between so that the in between doesn’t exist!

harinees's picture

Thanks Jade. Most women

Thanks Jade. Most women friends of mine have followed the "normal" path and it does feel like I am alone sometimes. So, thanks for assuring me that's not the case.

Thanks Nzasu for your comments. I agree with you about the partnership versus independent women. However, I believe financial independence for women is still something we need to strive for - at least until such time that concepts like money exist in society! Being financially independent gives us the courage to defy any unfair impositions of society.

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