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Virginity & Painful Truths : An Apology To Mr Devil....

For the strictly religious and traditionalists, the value and sacredness of virginty is undeniable. Over time some of these values which were once held in high esteem because they were the INSTRUCTIONS of the ALMIGHTY or the expectations of culture, have today been thrown to the dogs and in the gutters with premarital sex and adultery being the order of the day for some and the rise of a dying specie known as virgin brides. What I find most interesting is the fact that when most discussions on the values of virginity arise, the image that comes to mind is of women and not men. Why does the society hammer on the beauty of the virgin bride as the crowning glory of her husband and not the virgin man as the crowning glory of his wife? Why do some men pride themselves on the number of sexual partners they have had with some claiming to have lost count or even lying about it? Whereas women either tend to lessen the number, claim virginity or just remain silent about it? Why? Because decent women should not talk about such things! Its bad enough that some women are circumsised as a way of protecting them from promiscuity.

Just the other day a friend of mine was bragging about how she had kept herself for her husband and all the glory. I simply said to myself, "Whatever you chose to do as a woman or man, do it for yourself and God as no human being is perfect and we are all bound to err.What if the person you KEPT yourself for cheats on you?"Then, you feel really bad because he/she does not appreciate your SACRIFICE.

I shake my head at some painful truths which the society does not bother to look into without bias. Truths like when a Married man cheats or beats up his wife , it is explained as the nature of men to be easily tempted by other women because they are weaker vessels or its the devil's fault that the wicked shameless man beat up the poor woman who is unfortunately not skilled in the art of self defence because if he knows she could defend herself with a few well targeted punches, beating her up would be the farthest thing from his mind! On the other hand when a woman gives in to temptation which we all encounter in our everyday existence she is called a whore! Why doesnt anyone ever bother to think or understand that maybe this poor woman found a little affection which she wasnt getting at home somewhere else? Or make the usual excuse for her too, "Its the devil's fault?". In unfortunate circumstances where a woman beats up her husband,even if he deserves it! The usual response is either, "the man is not a man" or "the woman has no respect!". Please whats the big deal in being beaten up by a woman, if shes stronger than you? Where I come from in Edo state, if you push your husband or beat him up, traditionally you have to kill a goat but if he beats you up you have to understand that he is a man! Back in the days in Benin we had a couple from my place who were always fighting and the man was always getting beaten up. I used to joke about the wife owning a goat farm where she just picks up a goat regularly and leave the rest to keep breeding knowing full well that if the man misbehaves again he'll get a good beating! hehehehe. On another occasion when I was living in Britain a white woman once asked me what our divorces were like and I simply replied, "Well from what I know , the women simply get thrown out as I have never heard of any divorce settlements or alimony being paid to anyone". PLEASE PARDON MY SARCASM but I am really not laughing here!I am indeed very sorry Mr Devil for all the false accusations laid on you because for once you are innocent in some of these matters!

Well as I was saying before I veered off and got mischeivious like I always do. I talking about virginity.How far is too far? Does a virgin bride guarantee you a good wife? Why the stress on only women?Is it forbidden for men to be virgin grooms and why dont they proudly boast about it? In the course of my research, travels and photography, I have come across creams, soaps , liquids and all sorts for restoring virginity for women of course and I'm still wondering why some women go through all the stress? Just tell the truth girl, if he's not ok with it, then let him try the next shop! How come we dont have any of these products for restoring man's virginity? Once again pardon my sarcasm as its the fault of the devil - Oops i just remembered I'm supposed to be apologising to it .Well all I have written here are not authority but strictly my opinion.


Fatima Waziri's picture

My view

Oh well! i think the decision for a woman to remain a virgin till marriage is a personal thing. It may be somewhat of a religious decision "Your body is the temple of God". It could be that she didnt find any man trusting enough to give herself to before marriage or it could be judging from the experiences of others or better still, it could be her societal or family pressure to remain a virgin. Be that as it may, a virgin bride is not a yardstick of being that perfect wife, but rather the moralistic character of that person and for the fact that she could waiver off all sorts of pressures and societal temptation and body lust as it where today.

In northern Nigeria, once upon a time, girls were pressured to remain virgins until marriage. Time have changed, in the 21st century and the whole exposure that comes with it, one should be lucky to find a virgin. I am not saying there aint virgins out there i am just saying, one has to look hard. Considering the early age girls become sexually active is really a travesty.


OOLUSS's picture


hello Fatima,

I totally agree with you that virginity does not guarantee any man the perfect wife. As Africans we still value our norms, I'm just wondering why all the net of morality is not extended to the male folk.



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