WOMEN, CAN WE JUST SHOW LOVE TO OURSELVES?
Why is the worst enemy of women always another woman and for flimsy excuses? Most often it is out of envy and petty jealousy. Most mothers in laws are mean to their daughters in law because they believe she has taken their place in the lives of their sons. Women are quick to judge and castigate the other women rather than stand up for the person against stigmatization and wrong treatment. A member of Word Pulse once wrote about a lady that wept for her dead child. The child died at birth due to the neglect of the nurses and ill treatment she received during delivery.
A lady wrote about her experience while negotiating a business deal. The client’s team were all men except for the company secretary that was a woman. The secretary decided to dislike her just because she had taken a long look at her dressing and expensive accessories; and so during the meeting went on opposing every compromise until the situation got to a stalemate and the meeting was postponed till after a short break. She wrote "As soon as we got to the coffee machine, I made a beeline for her. Amazing shoes you have on there, madam , they are Prada, aren’t they? You look like you’ve got great taste like me! I joked. The ice melted. She thawed. Aah thanks, she said, obviously flattered. I have tickets to an expensive event at the boat club, I said. Would you like to attend with your husband? That did the trick. I had admired her, acknowledged her and showed her I did not have the chip she expected on my shoulder. You clearly catch more bees with honey.... Break over, there was a marked difference in her attitude and we wrapped up shortly thereafter with a win win situation! I smiled inwardly. Dealing with catty women is never a problem. Inside they just really want you to admire and acknowledge them, come to their level and be their friend. That’s no problem for me at all, especially where there are a lot of potential earnings for the company involved”
A married friend who has two girls presently once told me of the conversation that took place between her and her mother in-law; mother in-law asked-“when will you give birth to children for us”? My friend answered “mama, the two girls I have belong to your son, I don’t understand your question ma? Mother in-law said “those are yours so when will you have ours”? She chose to ignore her mother in-law and has continued to live her life free of whether she has a male child or not. While another of my friend has five girls and has been worried because she is trying to have a male child due to the pressure from mother in law.
I was in India for a community development training program the whole of January at a place called Bala Vikasa Training Institute, they are involved in different community projects and one of such is the” Care and share for the widows project”. We went for an exposure visit to a meeting organized for the women. In India, when a woman loses her husband, she is made to take a bath after ten days outside the home in the early hours of the morning, she will be escorted there and on her returns, she will be made to take off her fine dress, jewellery and flowers and all that she uses to adorn herself as a woman. She can never use them again. She will only wear white apparel. From that day onward, she is regarded as a bad omen and will never be able to attend functions, events or ceremonies. She can never give her blessings even at her children’s wedding. When people come across her in the morning, they will return to their houses only to restart their journey because they believe coming across a widow first thing in the morning is bad luck. No one will remarry her. These women all gave their stories and experiences and it is sad to know that the challenges they face are usually more from their mothers in law. Some are sent out of the homes and they have to care for their children all by themselves without family’s help.
This NGO, took it upon themselves to help this women develop themselves and to build back their lost self esteem. The women are encouraged to discard the white apparel and again begin to adorn themselves with fineries and are helped with micro credit loans so that they can become financially independent. Their children are given scholarship so they can continue their schooling. Though they are still stigmatized, they can at least have a source of livelihood.
Women, it’s time we raise and help each other. Remember the saying” TOGETHER WE STAND AND DIVIDED WE FALL”?