How do women justify psychological violenec?
We as women were born and fear fills most of the moments of our lives. The fear that we mostly do not know its origin terribly controls us making it difficult for us as women to search for its causes and get rid of it. A fear that serves as a boot and justification for every subsequent violence. Some of us still experience it and don’t know that we live the psychological violence.
I cannot forget the day I was teaching twelfth grade students a grade on which students end their school study and then go to university. I was standing and talking about university to motivate them to study and succeed. I had a superior smart student that I was enjoying teaching her. I told her I can’t wait to see you a graduate student and say this was one of my students. She told me not, we women must get married and raise our children. I told her, can you marry and study together. She said no, my father told me it is not a good idea to go to the university. I was looking for words to tell her please think and try to decide the track of your life. Then I said “Ok, you can marry the moment you can take the right decision to choose your partner”. She said: my parent love me and can choose for me”. I just silently stood and look at her finding myself in front of a psychological barrier in a situation where a woman protecting the long standing psychological violence that lives within her.
The student ended her study at school and got excellent scores with a scholarship. But she didn’t study at the university and she got married to a relative that doesn’t speak Arabic because he has been living in a foreign country.
After few years, I saw her sister in the university. I approached her asking about the married sister getting the news that she has a baby now. I said “so, you are at the university now”, She said “yes, I want to get a degree from a university”.
There are so many like this woman who choose to defend the mental oppression. Others choose to be silent because they know if they talk and freely expresses their opinion there will be no doubt that they would be subject to other kind of violence. Women choose to be silent and justify the injustice they live under because they fear the tradition and because their communities accept sharing happiness but don’t accept sharing of family private spheres.
This psychological violence is much risky that any other violence as it is the kind of violence that justifies the control and dominance of other on our lives, decisions, and hopes. It is the kind of violence that could kill the word before it is uttered or give authority to males to practice other sorts of violence. It is our fear from practicing our freedom as we know that there are other people who will say no, so we just choose the option of silence instead of our rightful trial.n so many cases, religion and traditions are used by males and sometimes females as a base to some unjust practices. Girls are raised on this as their mothers had been formally raised and they are properly cultivated to raise their kids on such practices. When the voice of mind is there and a logical debate that is asking why, people run for religion statement that are in some case are discontexulaized.
Women are grown up on the rule that says that their reputations are highly appreciated in their communities and this reputation is largely affected if women face difficulty in reaching agreement with the males or elderly in the family. Another rule that is built on this is that males can take better decisions as their experience in life is deeper and richer. Such practices create a psychological acceptance of control and lack of decision making. Many dreams and capacities are remained voiceless.
It is easier for us to deal with other sorts of violence than dealing with psychological violence. In other sorts of violence we deal with apparent observable phenomena but here we deal with a deep rooted fear that changed to be a violent belief. Then any suggested solution should be related to changing these rooted fear beliefs.
I believe that the solution is to let women discover their own God mothers inside them as we promote fear when we think we cant. The moment women believe from inside that they can say what they think, and what they believe, the moment they start to seek acceptance and power to defend what they believe in and defend their rights to independently think. However, in my culture, it is not familiar to express fear, hopes and ambition in public. Such expressions could be interpreted as a violation of the traditions. But one needs to start breaking these traditions to initiate the change. Demonstrating cases where women talk about fears and psychological violence and calling them as agent of change is a good point to start. Pain is not taboo, expression the fear from the males because they can control other aspects of our lives is not taboo as soon as it an expression that rejects such control and seeking logical ways to deal with this situation.
Women don’t want to put their family union in risk in case they start to break the boundaries of psychological bounders. A successful solution is to teach them how to express themselves clearly and directly in a logical way. Women need to learn since childhood how to value their dreams and their psychological health. They need to feel that their dreams and hopes are in safe hands.
Education here plays a significant role. When women are educated, they learn how to reflect and evaluate their thinking, beliefs and traditions. They know what can serve their purposes in life and what can contribute in killing the hopes of their unborn babies.
I wrote this story so quick, however, there is a possibility to elaborate more and publish it in well written piece.