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Eulogy to my motorcycle

I miss my bike. My precious Ducati Monster 696 in pearl white. She was beautiful, sporty, fun. Freedom, speed, power and joy. My biggest indulgence two and a half years ago, when I finally decide to give up on vintage Hondas for something that would start at the press of a button. Admittedly a bigger indulgence than planned, but once I sat on a Monster, a bike made for my short but long legged build, it had to be. I blew my "budget" but never regretted it for a moment. To hop on my bike and open up the throttle on a good stretch of road with a big fat grin on my face (under my cobalt blue helmet).... joy!

But sadly, on August 30, 2012, at the tail end of a lovely sunset ride with two new riding buddies in the rolling hills west of Portland, my bike met her end and I woke up to a shockingly different reality. Making a left turn a mere block from my home I was rear ended by a driver who "didn't see me." I have no memory of this, but woke up being loaded into an ambulance on a stretcher with a brace around my neck, a vague glimpse of my bike on its side on the road thinking this was a bad, bad dream.

I made it through with scraped knees, full body whiplash more or less, bruised hip and a bruised brain. Nothing broken, but life with a concussion is no bloody joke! But thank goodness for my helmet or it could have been so, so much worse.

Sadly, my bike did not make it. A bent wheel and a hairline crack in her frame, she was deemed a "total loss."

While I know I am lucky to still be here, not broken, I find myself needing to grieve the loss of my life: the one where I had my bike and could destress and be one with the road and scenery, the one where I wasn't paying the price for someone else's carelessness, the one where I could maybe pull off being a bit more of a badass because I had a badass bike, the one that was more indulgent and free and my brain was sharp and fast and my body popped and cracked a lot less.

I will get it back, but in the interim, I miss my bike.

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Jess Theobald's picture

Sorry for your loss

I have friends in St. Johns with whom I lived briefly after moving to Portland in July 2011. I wandered through Forrest Park after crossing the bridge with my small dog and explored whatever I wanted and enjoyed the lush life that existed there. My friends have a scooter named Stella and a motorcycle that is yet to be named (she's not ready yet). My father also liked to go out with his wife on their bikes and feel the wind against them as they travel wherever the wheels take them.

While I haven't sat on a motorcycle in years, I have always had a friend close at hand who loved to ride. I can only imagine how devastated they would be, had this happened to them. I am glad to hear that you escaped relatively safely in spite of your injuries. I hope that this forced shift can bring you some opportunity or at least lead you back to two wheels soon.

Take care of yourself.
Jess

Vega Tom's picture

Thank you Jess for sharing.

Thank you Jess for sharing. I love, love riding and hope to be able to get back on when the dust settles. I know some people think that's totally insane, but life without access to what you love is... so empty and not without other risks.

All the best and safe riding for your friends!

Vega

Cali gal Michelle's picture

Dearest Vega- I did not know

Dearest Vega-

I did not know this, and am sorry to read about it. Any kind of loss is still a loss. And as everything is connected, a loss has ripple effects. I am sorry you can't climb on your white wonder. I'm sorry you can't behold beauty as before when riding. I'm sorry you've lost your de-stressing time. I'm sorry that YOU have to pay the price for such irresponsibility. I'm sorry you've lost health, even if momentary.

I know this does not make up for all you've lost, but you have my love and friendship. You have my prayers and wishes for fresh scenery. Solid steel. Fresh air. Calmness.

I hope that some unexpected surprise arrives to bring what you need, even if it is not what you desire. May you have eyes to see it and grace to receive it.

With love!

Let us Hope together-
Michelle
aka: Cali gal

Listener
Sister-Mentor
@CaliGalMichelle
facebook.com/caligalmichelle

Vega Tom's picture

Thank you Michelle. I think

Thank you Michelle. I think out of this, throughout the struggles and the healing, there are opportunities and growth. If anything I will come out with better organizational skills after learning how to work with a concussion and better boundaries and building in space for myself beyond operating at my limit all the time. And realizing a lot comes down to choices.
Hope to ride again and have a new white beauty some day (maybe a BMW). ;)

Vega

Cali gal Michelle's picture

Amen!

Yes! Limits, boundaries, choices, priorities..... you have great (and accurate!) perspective. (I can maybe help with the concussion issues if needed btw).

Let us Hope together-
Michelle
aka: Cali gal

Listener
Sister-Mentor
@CaliGalMichelle
facebook.com/caligalmichelle

Vega Tom's picture

Thanks MIchelle! Thankfully

Thanks MIchelle! Thankfully my concussion is getting soooo much better. Mostly cognitively there, but still struggling a bit with oversensitivity and energy. Hopefully the rest of my body follows suit! It's slowly unravelling.... And coming back together.

It was definitely a challenging time for me around the tour with really discovering my limits in being back at work and how much I really could NOT operate as normal. But thankfully, with flexibility with work and lots of massage I'm making strides. Fingers crossed it keeps progressing. :)

Thank you for being so supportive. And I hope that you are doing well!

Vega

Peace sister!

Jensine Larsen
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