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SOME WOMEN DO HAVE THEM...2

The fact that” two is better than one” and that God made all creatures in twos to avoid loneliness cannot be over emphasised. I will much prefer any day to share a cosy embrace with a partner than sleep alone in my bed at night. I will rather have the man handle bills; see to the plumbing problems etc than face it myself. I will rather have someone to share my worries with than brood over them alone or proffer solutions alone. I will rather have someone share parenting challenges with me than face the road alone. I much prefer to be looked at in admiration than pity. I will rather I have a shoulder to cry on than a fluffy pillow. I would rather be treated with respect than be looked upon with disdain just because I am divorced. I will rather be married than be divorced.
I shudder at certain life experiences of women that I hear and I can’t help but say WHY WOMEN: IS IT WORTH IT? There was a certain woman whose husband died and left her with their only daughter; she was very devastated at his death and the prospect of living alone and be responsible for her welfare and that of the child was very scary to her. She could not manage the situation so two years after the man’s death, she remarried. Her daughter was about 14 years old then. The man was providing her needs so she lived in relative comfort. When she discovered that this comfort was about to be jeopardized, she chose to sacrifice her daughters’ right and subject the girl to sexual abuse in the hands of the new husband rather than stand by her child. The man pressured the young girl to have sex with him continually and whenever she reported this to her mum; she chose to turn a deaf ear until the damage was done; the man raped the girl at the age of sixteen. The woman wasn’t happy about the incidence but chose the comfort of her marriage to standing by her daughter- the girl was sent away to live with her mums’ sister. The girl is an adult today and has never forgiven her mum.
We have heard about child marriage where the mother of the girl was in support of it. She will rather the girl be married off for financial gains to boost the economic prowess of the family.
A friend told me about a woman that was beaten to death two weeks after giving birth to her third child. Her husband was always beating her at slight provocation. And each time she runs to her parents’ home, her parents will send her back to the husband: Her mum will tell her that a woman’s place is beside her husband that with time the man will stop, that she suffered similar fate in the hands of the girls’ father. On the sad day, she did something to provoke the man and he beat her up, she fainted and was rushed to the hospital when efforts to revive her proved abortive. At the hospital, she was confirmed dead.
I will rather be many things more in addition to what I am presently and I will want to be many things more in exchange to certain things I am presently. But truth is I will rather be WHAT I AM now than allow myself to be subjected to violence in the hands of a man. I have a lot to live for and nothing to die for. I want to live, my kids need me alive; my mother does too, my siblings, my friends and fellow women would rather I live than be dead.......to be continued

This story was written for World Pulse’s Ending Violence Against Women Digital Action Campaign.

World Pulse believes that women's stories, recommendations, and collective rising leadership can—and will—bring an end to gender-based violence. The EVAW Campaign elicits powerful content from women on the ground, strengthens their confidence as vocal grassroots leaders, and ensures that influencers and powerful institutions hear their stories.
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Comments

topieopolot's picture

Tessie

Hello Tessie,
The i would rather do, i would rather be... i love your piece and i hope that many women all over the world read this and take the necessary steps.. it is a high time women stood up against i would rather be,s and against violence. to what good will you a mother let you child be molested, raped and many other bad thing happen to,
i always wonder too when i hear all sorts of crazy stories only they are not crazy at all for they happen. how much can one really swallow before it gets to their brains and how possibly can a mother or father or any one do to their or let it be done to their children all the nasty thongs one can think of.
there are crazy people out their its up to us to protect not only our selves but our children too.
and how possibly can any one blame that girl and many other girls for the hate they harbor for parents who don't protect them? can you blame that girl?

As you said and i will resound what you say that....

i would rather be what i am now than any thing else i would rather not be.
i would rather stand up for my principles than them let them be trampled on.
i would rather be looked down on as a divorcee, widow than do what they expect of me...
i would rather go rogue in a community that thinks a woman,s place is by her husband even when that husband is a monster.
i would rather have no mother at all than have one who is weak in character and turns a blind eye to what is in front of her!
And i would rather not die because of what is or has happened to me but rather take this as examples, learn from these experiences, stand up for my self and children and above all survive.
I would rather live than die but live in my own term and not anybody's.

Yes women every where, let us resound the "i would rather" creed and it must be positive, empowering,uplifting, courageous and not subservient or demeaning creed!

Thank you Tessie for reminding me my own i would rather be...and because of it this morning and for some time to come, i will be more rejuvenated and empowered. i hope that women around you too can take up the chant>
bye

Tessie's picture

the hand that rocks the cradle

Dear sister, thank you so much. I love you.

salient cry

CoachMarcie's picture

Thanks

Tessie,

What a story you shared. It is tough being a girl/woman but we are so strong. I have heard this story before and all it takes is one step forward and to feel empowered.

Coach Marcie

Best,
Marcie

Tessie's picture

the hand that rocks the cradle

Dear sister, thank you for your comment. Women are indeed strong. Its a pity that we have to face such abuse from fellow women

salient cry

binapatel33's picture

Dear Tessie, This is very sad

Dear Tessie,
This is very sad to read but it is reality. The mother should be put punished for allowing her child to be raped and beaten to death. What the mother doesn't realize is that she will regret the rest of her life with what she did to her daugther.

Tessie- is there anyway that you can perhaps begin to educate women who have these traditional mindsets on how wrong their behavior is, especially sacrificing their own children?

Kind Regards,
Bina Patel
hc Mediate, LLC
www.hcmediate.com

Tessie's picture

SOME WOMEN DO HAVE THEM....2

Dear Bina,
i apologise for replying to your comment now, i ought to have done that earlier than now but you see, im an event/conference planner and i really get busy at this time of the year. please forgive me.
Now in answer to your question , yes there is a way out but firstly inorder to get to the women, the societys' mindset has to be addressed and geared towards positive gender socialization role as against what is the usual norm. I'll explain-I am from the Africa continent where gender violence against women is permitted by our traditional, cultural and somehow our religious beliefs. I therefore believe that for there to be an end to gender base violence, our ideology concerning the male and female role or importance has to change even though it has changed considerably from my parents time to now, it however still need to change some more.

To get to the grassroots, the traditional leaders of each community must be engage for there to be a lasting change in the behavioural pattern of the men and women in the community. There are some cultural norms that permit violence against women which over years have been followed strictly by each community and it’s only through the abolishing of those laws that women and girls can have liberty to fully express their potentials, example of such is the widows rite that must be perform by the women during their husbands burial. To escape the unpleasantness or hostilities directed at women, the women seek refuge in marriage and will rather die than face the stigma directed at a widow, single parent or a diviorcee. these laws must be reviewed. to achieve this, there must be mobilization of both the traditional and religious leaders to educate the grassroots since the populace have great respect for them. The leaders must be enlightened and made to see the negative aspect of such norms and the corrective measures that can be taken and the positive effect of the change that will take place by adjusting or total abolishing of any grievous law without cheapening their cultural value; for instance during my parents time, it was common for women to stay at home and take care of their family while the men work to bring in money but in Nigeria today because of the economic condition, most men are unable to earn enough to support their families, so a social role against women working outside the home have been relaxed so that the mother can contribute to the household income, so indeed, no law is unchangeable when there is understanding of the implication . When they accept these concepts’, then it will be easier for them to participate in the mobilization from the grassroots to bring about this change.

RELIGIOUS LAWS
Religious leaders must be employed to enlighten their members on gender violence and the doctrine of their belief that promote fair treatment of every humans will be use to buttress this point. For instance, the believe system frowns at promiscuity in girls those not say that the girl should be introduce to sexual intercourse early. So maybe the year of debut for the girls can be delayed so that the female child can have time and opportunity to pursue her dreams just like the male. only when this is done can the women feel safe in whatever status they are and will not feel pressured to get married and remain so.

salient cry

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