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When she needed him the most

On the 3rd of August 2012 my daughter was admitted in hospital for high temperature and a bacterial infection. We were given a bed next to a young lady who had given birth by cesarean section a week a go and she had come to the hospital for a routine checkup. The doctors admitted her because the baby had a high fever and the child was not feeding. The lady's husband is a security guard and she had health insurance so she was not worried when the doctors admitted her. When she informed the father of the child that the child was not feeding he immediately commented that it was not his child.

This made this young lady burst into tears. She was alone with her child and her mother and other relatives were many miles away in the village. This was her first child and she had only transport money to take her back. After four days the doctors decided to discharge her from hospital since they had noticed some improvement in the baby's health.When she was getting ready to leave, the accounts manager informed her that she had to clear the hospital bill. She was so confident that this must have been some kind of mistake since she was on insurance. And according to the insurance policy she had, the baby is on her policy cover until the child is two weeks. The billings section insisted that she had to pay about 500,000 Ug.Shs.

As if this was not enough stress for her, her husband switched off his phone after he insulted her and told her to deal with the matter and that he did not want to be bothered since that was not his child. This is a woman who is recovering from the stitches of a C-section and is nursing a sick child. So the women in the ward decided to contribute towards her bill but it was not enough. I was discharged and had to leave the hospital before her so i dont know how she managed to clear the bill.

This goes to show you how some men can be so insensitive to their wives. When you need them the most they are never there and so as women we have to ensure that we are always a step head of them so that we are able to look after ourselves and most of all our children.

This story was written for World Pulse’s Ending Violence Against Women Digital Action Campaign.

World Pulse believes that women's stories, recommendations, and collective rising leadership can—and will—bring an end to gender-based violence. The EVAW Campaign elicits powerful content from women on the ground, strengthens their confidence as vocal grassroots leaders, and ensures that influencers and powerful institutions hear their stories.
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Comments

Wendyiscalm's picture

THAT IS AN EXCELLENT POINT, ANITA

Hi Anita,

First I am so sorry about this situation. But learning to always be a step ahead is a life skill that I am predicting will serve you well in later life in a good way. I came from a mentally tortured marriage. The strategies I had to develop just to survive for myself and especially my children I knew were not fair or common. HOWEVER, they ALL translated into excellent work skills when I went back to school in later years, started my businesses, and now have an NGO in Livingstone Zambia. I am hugely successful but would not be without those earlier lessons that give me a certain skill set. So, to recap, I ache for you and the situation but trust me on this, GOD, Allah, the Universe or whoever is managing this messy world, has a plan for you in the future. What you see as a step down is really a SET UP by God for your future greatness. The gift is in the problem. The opportunity is in the problem. Hang in there, girl. Your favor is coming and you deserve it.

Ubuntu (I am who I am because of who we are together),

Wendy

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

Anita Muhanguzi's picture

Thanks so much Wendy

Thank you so much Wendy for these comforting words. I am sure there are so many women in this same kind of situation. But i believe when we continue in this fight against all forms of discrimination for sure the world will one day be a better place for women all over. Stay blessed my sister

Mrs. Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi
Head of Legal and Advocacy
Centre for Batwa Minorities
a.kiddu@gmail.com
cfmlegal@gmail.com
Skype: mrs_muhanguzi

Wendyiscalm's picture

THAT IS AN EXCELLENT POINT, ANITA

Hi Anita,

First I am so sorry about this situation. But learning to always be a step ahead is a life skill that I am predicting will serve you well in later life in a good way. I came from a mentally tortured marriage. The strategies I had to develop just to survive for myself and especially my children I knew were not fair or common. HOWEVER, they ALL translated into excellent work skills when I went back to school in later years, started my businesses, and now have an NGO in Livingstone Zambia. I am hugely successful but would not be without those earlier lessons that give me a certain skill set. So, to recap, I ache for you and the situation but trust me on this, GOD, Allah, the Universe or whoever is managing this messy world, has a plan for you in the future. What you see as a step down is really a SET UP by God for your future greatness. The gift is in the problem. The opportunity is in the problem. Hang in there, girl. Your favor is coming and you deserve it.

Ubuntu (I am who I am because of who we are together),

Wendy

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

Sharontina's picture

Sorry Anita

Yeah as Wendy said, learning to be a step ahead is a life skill. And that comes out of our experience, our earlier lessons in life. I am sorry for the young lady. But i hope this would have given her the strength to stand on her own, not to be a dependent at any further circumstance. And she will teach the same lesson to her child too.

So lets understand that a pain experienced today becomes a pleasure tomorrow.

Regards.

Merlin Sharontina

Anita Muhanguzi's picture

Thanks

Thanks Sharontina

Mrs. Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi
Head of Legal and Advocacy
Centre for Batwa Minorities
a.kiddu@gmail.com
cfmlegal@gmail.com
Skype: mrs_muhanguzi

Wendyiscalm's picture

Well put

Well put, Sharontina
Ubunru
Wendy

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

Hi Anita,
Thanks for the story which sounds like a fairy tale but its a real or live experience.

I have some questions on mind such as, are they really legal husband and wife? Was this marriage based on love?
If she goes through this kind of ordeal with the first child which suggests that she is still new in the marriage, how will the coming years be for her?

The core of women empowerment is when we succeed in making one of us financially independent. if this our sister had her own money or her own insurance policy, she would have walked out of the hospital like a Queen.
By the way he would not have had the courage to give her a dirty treatment.

Now our sister is sitting on the begging bench, and my remain there because there might be no other alternative.

She is learning the lesson the hard way and I guess she will become a strong voice for women empowerment.

I hope women empowerment services in her locality will come to her aid.

We are each other's strength.

NITA

Anita Muhanguzi's picture

Thank you Nita

Actually i never got her details since i was there as well with a sick child but i know she will get in touch with me to keep updated on her situation. I totally agree with you that women should be economic empowered so that we are in charge of our own situations and not have to be dependent on the men all the time. Stay blessed my sister

Mrs. Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi
Head of Legal and Advocacy
Centre for Batwa Minorities
a.kiddu@gmail.com
cfmlegal@gmail.com
Skype: mrs_muhanguzi

Mukut's picture

Excellent but sad

Anita,
This is an excellent post which highlights the dire situation that women face everyday.The person she thought would be trusted the most, her husband,became the person to give her maximum sorrow.

This is sad.I hope the lady only becomes stronger after this.

Thank you for sharing and you write beautifully.

Much love

Mukut Ray

Anita Muhanguzi's picture

Thanks

Thank you so much Mukut for your encouraging words. Stay blessed my dear

Mrs. Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi
Head of Legal and Advocacy
Centre for Batwa Minorities
a.kiddu@gmail.com
cfmlegal@gmail.com
Skype: mrs_muhanguzi

melanief7's picture

Thank you for sharing this story.

I think that if you speak with this woman again she will be touched by the responses your story has gotten. I am hopeful that this situation will help this woman garner strength and will be able to improve her situation. Sadly this happens to women all over the world...this universal act where men abandon their children and their mothers are the ones who pay the price. I was raised by a single mother and it was her strength and encouragement that has made me a strong and independent woman. My mother has always had to pay the price but her reward is that she has children who are and who do what she never could.

Best of luck to your friend. Our thoughts are with you both.

Anita Muhanguzi's picture

Thanks Melanie

Dear Melanie,
Thank you so much for your encouragement. For Sure we need to ensure that women are more empowered so that they are able to look after their children rather than being Dependant on men. Women always pay the price and this has to change. I am still trying to look for this lady to see if she was able to find a solution and also to pass on the love her story has received from the world pulse family. Stay blessed.

Mrs. Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi
Head of Legal and Advocacy
Centre for Batwa Minorities
a.kiddu@gmail.com
cfmlegal@gmail.com
Skype: mrs_muhanguzi

Beverly Rose's picture

Dear Anita, Thank you for

Dear Anita,

Thank you for sharing this story. And for your work in creating a better world for your country.

I am both sad and angry when I hear such stories. I agree with the comment that economic empowerment for women is crucial. I am wondering what are the opportunities in Uganda for women to earn a living wage? What is being done to improve this situation? How do we change the mindset that says girls are not valued as much as boys?

Keep writing and sharing with your sisters across the globe. None of us are truly free unless we all are free.

In peace,
Beverly

Lehner's picture

Dear Anita, How horrifying to

Dear Anita,

How horrifying to be abandoned by one's husband at the birth of one's child. One feels so particularly vulnerable with a newborn and the abandonment would be that much more intense if the baby is sick. Thank you for sharing this story and a read a reoccurring theme in the subsequent comments that education and economic independence the route to a better life for women the world over. I wonder what the resources are available for women in Uganda.

Keep sharing as it inspires us from around the globe to do our modest part in improving the lot of women in any way we can.

Bravo to you!

Monica

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