Specific ways to identify THE SILENT ABUSE = Invalidation
Silent Abuse known to me as invalidation is often hidden, especially from the person who is being invalidated. Self-esteem is low, depression is high and one's spirit is not what it should be, making impossible the soul purpose for which you were brought to this earth.
My last article, October 1, identified this horrific abuse.
Now I would like to share with you a specific technique that helped me identify when I was being invalidated. This is a necessary step because The Silent Abuse known as invalidation is so subtle, like an insideous gas that you don't know this is your problem. Then when you identify it, you think like I do which is that my ex=husband was the invalidator abusing my soul big time. But the truth is and my experience shows me that there are always many people in your life who invalidate you, in fact you choose friends who do this because this is your normal. At least that was my experience.
Anyhow, I hope The SIlent Abuse of invalidation is not your problem but if it is, here is what I learned. First, think of someone who invalidated you over and over. See them. Now notice WHERE you feel this in your body. It could be in your head, your chest, your whole body. One woman felt it in her teeth believe it or not. But get clear where you feel it in your body.
Now whenever in the future you get that feeling in your body, that is a sign to you from your body that the person or environment you are in are giving you abuse, the Silent Abuse, invalidation. Why? Because your unconscious mind always knows before your conscious mind what is going on. Your body is in touch with your unconscious mind. So, listen to it. Your body is your best friend.
For me my head hurt so much I called them pressure headaches because if I pressed my hand down real hard on my head, the headache went away. Wow! Imagine how much I must have been holding in if this was happening to my head. I always thought it was me. That there was something wrong with me, that my angry or emotional outbursts were because, as my husband said "Wendy is so out of control, so emotional". No, I learned. It was the pain of that Silent Abuse = invalidation. The years of my saying or asking something and not having him answer, of my walking in a room and he walked out, of his talking to others but ignoring my presence, of his "work related" absences when I had 4 little children 18 months apart, on and on.
And I learned that if I wake in the morning depressed and ask myself "What's wrong with me?" that I am asking myself the wrong question. The right question is "WHO is wrong FOR me?" Wow ! That question and answer hit me right between the eyeballs. But at least I knew it wasn't me, that there was nothing wrong with me. That's a start. That's hope in the making.
Let your body be your best friend, because in many ways it is.
I hope you cannot relate to any of this and don't have this problem. But perhaps you have friends who could benefit from this knowledge.
And remember, the mantra for today and always is "I AM WORTHY".
Ubuntu (I am who I am because of who we are together).