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Watchmen of Vagina

be it 17 or 70, men are men and they can never gain confidence in themselves and refrain themselves from being a watch man for ‘Vagina’. While a 70 year old man targets the life of his wife out of suspicion, we have another news in which woman member of the family pimps and forces a girl to sex in the name first night.

The double standard ideologies in Indian Culture (and world wide) either way targets only women's body. On one hand it supplies chastity belts in the name of marriage and on the other hand it encourages woman in family to pimp around and force a fellow women into sex.

Forcing women into (approved) sex is justified by a ceremony called 'first night' in which the bride is heavily dressed and decorated with kilos of jewels sent into a room with glass of milk. The unknown man would have just become her husband and the wife has to offer her body (vagina) in the same night left with no choice. The wife has to first sip the milk and give the rest to her 'husband' fall at his feet, take his blessings and offer herself to that stranger who became her husband few hours ago.

There are incidents in which the 'husaband' would panic about the chastity of the woman if the 'vagina' does not bleed......

This story was written for World Pulse’s Ending Violence Against Women Digital Action Campaign.

World Pulse believes that women's stories, recommendations, and collective rising leadership can—and will—bring an end to gender-based violence. The EVAW Campaign elicits powerful content from women on the ground, strengthens their confidence as vocal grassroots leaders, and ensures that influencers and powerful institutions hear their stories.
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myaphotography's picture

I usually look at a problem

I usually look at a problem and try to figure out a way to prevent this from happening in the future. I really dont know how we can prevent this is another woman is involved in crimes like this. Educate who in this case ? You would expect the sister to empathize with his wife. not him!

Aurore's picture

difficult solutions

@ myaphotography: I think that's the exact reason why patriarchy is so well installed: because it forces power on women in such an efficient way, that women integrate these ideas and reproduce them. After all, how many women in all parts of the world teach their little boys "not to cry because men dont do it" and that they have to be "assertive and powerful" in order to succeed in life?

I think we have to educate everybody: men and women separately, and then also parents and couples together. Sexual education is particularly important to me. So many inequalities are linked directly or indirectly to sexuality perceptions....

@kotravai: I agree so much with your "double standard" terminology. I really find that wording great - do you allow me to use it? :) I couldnt have said it better: on the one hand, you have to be chast, and on the other, you are encouraged to trade yourself and your sexuality to satisfy the institution of wedding. And its of course even worse when your marriage is not as free as it should be... thanks for having shared the info on those sad news!

Best to the both of you,

kotravai's picture


Hi myaphotography, thanks for your feedback

Hi Aurore, thanks.

yes the extent of Patriarchy has actually been so well imbibed by Women and they lend themselves to be the pillar of that. I have been writing in Tamil, trying to tell women 'question everything around you', 'suspect everything around you' then you may find out that all those preaching were for power.It is equally important to educate men as well and tell them how they have also been influenced by Patriarchy and how it is unsafe and burdening to their own doing that too..

Even today there is one more news in a tamil newspaper, which reports that a husband killed his wife, bcos the wife refused to have sex with him. The irony here is that, the man surrenders himself post killing.

M.A.S.E.S - Movement Against Sexual Exploitation and Sexism

William's picture


Dear Kotravai, I have Christian friends in Tamil Nadu and a son in law from Kerala. It's my opinion that they first thing that must be changed so that women can have human rights is, the caste system must be abolished. That will make all people equal, at least on paper. Then make it legal for everyone to own land. Then build schools and make good Government run education available to everybody. In school, let girls advance and show their abilities. Teach equality between the sexes.
I notice your English is good, as I lean toward suspecting that you are upper caste born and educated. I'm sorry, but when the caste is abolished, so will your priviledges be reduced. you will have to suffer until you prove your ability, same as other women in India, most of whom are of lower caste than you were.
The solution is more complex than educating men, because the change you are seeking must come from Indian women also. Gandhi said, become the change in the world you want to see. That sums up my thoughts. What other options do you see?

kotravai's picture


Dear Mr. William,

Thanks for the reply, but why would you lean towards suspecting my it just because you know India? That is not necessary here.... I am a women and all women are oppressed and I am voicing for the oppressed as an oppressed. Yes, there is a difference in what the oppressed caste women go through, but it doesn't mean that bcos I am not born in that caste I may not be able to empathize with them...

It is equally important to educate women....Gandhi said be the change you want to see and he never stopped only with that, he also worked to change the opposite side....two hands needs to clap...right... thanks.

M.A.S.E.S - Movement Against Sexual Exploitation and Sexism

Hi Kotravai,

The first thing that I felt after reading your post was anger. I was angry not to the woman you were describing, as I see her clearly as a victim, but angry at the system and the society that still supports these practices.

Contrary to what some people may believe, similar things are happening in various places in the world. I am coming from the Balkans, and I can assure everyone that in the villages thought the region there are still families who are marring their underage daughters to elderly unknown men who treat them like slaves. Or marring them to very young men, practically still boys, only because they are looking for an extra pair of hands to work in the household. We have some elaborate "customs" in which future brides are forced to have sex with fathers or uncles of future husbands, and there is still part of the society that supports this practices hiding behind the word "tradition".

Please continue with your great work,and especially with raising awareness. This will help not only to women from your part of the world, but to the women in general!

Thank you and stay strong!

kotravai's picture


Hi Marija,

Thanks for replying.

We have some elaborate "customs" in which future brides are forced to have sex with fathers or uncles of future husbands, and there is still part of the society that supports this practices hiding behind the word "tradition".

this is shocking.

M.A.S.E.S - Movement Against Sexual Exploitation and Sexism

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