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VIOLENCE DOMESTIQUE

L'histoire que j' ai vécu dans ma famille.Depuis que j' étais chez nous et même aujourd'hui que je vous écris mes parents ne dialogue pas puisque papa considère sa femme comme une chose mais pas comme sa compagne.exemple;ma mère ne peut causer avec un homme il devient son mari et elle n'aura pas la paix .ma mère n'a pas de décision a aucune chose même ne participe pas ,si papa veut vendre sa maison la ou nous restions il le fait sans demander sa femme et même des véhicules alors si sa femme entendait des telle et vient lui poser la question la réponse était toujours va chez ton papa pas chez qu'une femme peut parle de telle chose et le jour la c'est la débandade ma mère risque de n'ai pas dormir chez nous et elle sera tapée .Et depuis que je voyais les véhicule chez nous ma mère n'entrait pas dedans.chaque fois que ma mère était enceinte nous les enfants nous les savions chez amis voisins puis papa dira que l' enfant qu'elle mettra au monde n'ai pas pour lui et la maman souffrira jusqu’à ce qu'elle mettra au monde la frappait ,l' injurie en plein air et même la faire dormir a l’extérieur avec un bébé de 2 mois.N'acceptait pas que ma mère puisse faire quelque chose comme métier.si ma mère partait aux fêtes avec les autres femmes comme nous les femmes congolaises si une des notre famille ou amie met au monde c'est une cérémonie alors a la rentre ma lui aura des coups et si possible dormir a l’extérieur .au moment de nos mariage la maman n'avait pas un mot a dire.mes chères une longue histoire a suivre .....

English translation by PulseWire member milsgra

The Story that I lived in my family; since I was a little girl and to this day, to this very moment that I am writing to you, my parents do not speak to each other because my father considers his wife as a thing and not his partner. My mother can’t have a conversation with a man, he becomes her husband and there will be no peace. My mother doesn’t decide on anything even if father wants to sell the house where we live he does so without consulting his wife. And if mother hears rumors about the sell, sees the cars and confronts him he then replies to her: “go to your father’s house here a woman doesn’t have the right to talk about things like that” and it is scattering day where my mother might be kicked out of the house or my father might hit her. And every time that I would see the cars at the house my mother would stay out of it. Every time that my mother would be with child we the kids would learn from friends and neighbors and father would say that the child that she would give birth to would not be his. And mother would suffer until she gives birth and father would beat her, curse her out in public and would even kick her out to sleep outside with the two month old baby. It was unacceptable for mother to find a job and work. If my mother would go to a party with the other women; as Congolese women we celebrate when someone in the family or a friend gives birth so upon her return from the party she would receive blows she would be forced to sleep outside. When we got married my mother did not have any say in the matter. Dears, this is a long story to be continued…

This story was written for World Pulse’s Ending Violence Against Women Digital Action Campaign.

World Pulse believes that women's stories, recommendations, and collective rising leadership can—and will—bring an end to gender-based violence. The EVAW Campaign elicits powerful content from women on the ground, strengthens their confidence as vocal grassroots leaders, and ensures that influencers and powerful institutions hear their stories.
Learn more »

Comments

milsgra's picture

Chére Saife

Merci d'avoir partager votre trajet et celle de votre mère. En partageant ce récit de la violence qu'a subit votre famille et particulièrement celui de votre mère nous pourrions examiner la vie de la femme Congolaise et donner une voix a celle-çi.

milsgra's picture

Translation

The Story that I lived in my family; since I was a little girl and to this day, to this very moment that I am writing to you, my parents do not speak to each other because my father considers his wife as a thing and not his partner. My mother can’t have a conversation with a man, he becomes her husband and there will be no peace. My mother doesn’t decide on anything even if father wants to sell the house where we live he does so without consulting his wife. And if mother hears rumors about the sell, sees the cars and confronts him he then replies to her: “go to your father’s house here a woman doesn’t have the right to talk about things like that” and it is scattering day where my mother might be kicked out of the house or my father might hit her. And every time that I would see the cars at the house my mother would stay out of it. Every time that my mother would be with child we the kids would learn from friends and neighbors and father would say that the child that she would give birth to would not be his. And mother would suffer until she gives birth and father would beat her, curse her out in public and would even kick her out to sleep outside with the two month old baby. It was unacceptable for mother to find a job and work. If my mother would go to a party with the other women; as Congolese women we celebrate when someone in the family or a friend gives birth so upon her return from the party she would receive blows she would be forced to sleep outside. When we got married my mother did not have any say in the matter. Dears, this is a long story to be continued…

Pushpa Achanta's picture

Poignant piece

Ma chere soeur Saife,

Votre histoire est tres importante.

I salute your courage in writing this openly. Such pieces help the survivors heal and others to understand that such challenges are common to women everywhere, unfortunately.

Wish you continued strength to express yourself and support your family in every possible way.

Warmth,
Pushpa

SaiKiGo's picture

Heart wrenching

Dear Saife,

What a heart wrenching story, that I can't imagine living through it. Seeing your mother endure such emotional pain must be simply unbearable for you. How do you cope with this? Is this the same for many of the other women in the Congo? What do you think will help change this situation?

I admire your ability to withstand this and the strength it takes for you to even share this story.

Love and support,
Kiran

Sai Kiran Gopie
Hon. BSc, MBA
www.socialgood2pt0.ca
http://ca.linkedin.com/pub/sai-kiran-gopie/5/543/2a
Twitter: @SaiKiranGopie

UpasanaC's picture

Thats really disappointing

Hey Saife,
Thats such a disapoointment to see that even in 21st century the men think that women have got no rights ... Your mom and you siblings are going through lots of pain. Why dont we work around for a solution for this? We have a very small life Saife, It cannot be wasted living a life like this. Your mom cooks for your dad , takes care of him thats why he is so overpowering. Just stop doing this for a while n leave him on his own for few days. Only then he will realise he has got nobody else to take care except your mom . I really think this will work with him. If not then this is really good for your mom not to stay with that man who has made her life horrible. There is no point bearing all this.

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