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HOW TO DEVELOP INNER EMPOWERMENT WHEN EXTERNAL POWER IS MAKING LIFE TOUGH

I have read so many horrific stories about torture and abuse, injustice and impossibilities. Each reading makes me so proud to be a part of World Pulse and to know in this way many courageous, feisty and compassionate women are making a difference one step at at a time, never giving up, though sometimes discouraged. I know it is impossible for a person to beat someone at their own game. So, it does not improve conditions to fight back in the same way. Something more creative needs to be done to catch these people off guard. I also know if a person "re-acts" to an injustice it does not have a good effect. A woman, or anyone, needs to be able to step back, assess the situation, make a decision and then act. Acting is quite different from re-acting. Acting creates power. Re-acting creates more resistance and shows you are out of control.

With that in mind, I am taking the liberty of writing the last chapter of my book in the hopes that it will help some WP people find a way to develop inner power. For me, this has made all the difference.

IT'S HELL IN THE HALLWAYS
But I'm Beginning To See the Light

During our first year of marriage my husband, Jack, worked long hours. On the weekend he would drink and watch television on the sofa, lying his head in my lap. Ancient black and white old 1940's science fiction re-runs every weekend night until the wee hours of the morning. I sat there dutifully not wanting to disturb him, just knowing that in his deep subconscious mind he knew and appreciated the love I felt to do this. How sick was I?

At around 3AM, he would stir and I would suggest bed. My new husband would pass out in bed as soon as his head hit the pillow. Pregnant, I would waddle to my side of the bed and lie down. It was uncomfortably freezing because Jack insisted in the middle of winter that all the bedroom windows be opened all night as far as they could be. Why? Because he like it that way.

Sunday morning we got up, he cleaned the house after I had just spent all week cleaning. Then we did the weekly grocery/food shopping. Dear WP reader, he had just spent 60 hours at work around food. Does this tell you something about him? All Sunday afternoon we were in the meat section, the produce or vegetable aisle. He explained things to me I never wanted to know. The difference between a private label can of green beans and a national brand of green beans. Why a can of fish/crab was a good item to put on the front page of the weekly flier even though upper management didn't think it would sell well or make them money. On and on about that fish can. Do I seem like the kind of person interested in this conversation or lifestyle? Then he had to go to bed very early Sunday night to be prepared for his five o'clock morning rise and subsequent important work week "Counting green bean cans" or whatever he did.

I was 25 years old. Often called uncommonly beautiful, a knock-out. But I didn't believe anyone because I wasn't the stereotypical tall, pencil thin, blue eyed, blond with long straight hair. I had olive skin, dark eyes and hair, was short, my weight was "just right" which meant not thin, not fat. Like it or not life is a comparison. I had nothing to compare myself with but a lot to compare myself to. No loving family as my brother and mother had abandoned me and no money of my own or jointly. Jack's management position as something in the food/grocery business might have made big talk before he married me, but we had nothing to show for it now. I was no longer a television star and there was no hope for my professional future I had dreamed of. We had moved to a new town, I knew no one. I was pregnant so there was no chance of local television employment. In those days A pregnant television weather girl doesn't have much allure or charm. Jack begged me to go to an employment agency and get a job right away. I told him I tried but I didn't. Have you ever notice that sometimes you feel more lonely when you are at home with a person than when you are physically alone? My counselor explained it as the incongruity of the situation. Some people call it crazy making. I call it mind-fucking.

My life with Jack can be summed up in a few words, one would be crazy making. Saying one thing and doing another. Hearing a verbal message but getting a different non-verbal message than the verbal message. Like "I love you" (verbal) while his face is in the newspaper reading (non-verbal). Or doing the opposite of what the sane expected action or comment would be. If I walked into the room, he automatically walked out. I was constantly invalidated. It was as if I was not there.Most won't agree, but it is worse than being slapped. At least if you are slapped the person knows you are there, are a living being. If I said something or asked a question he didn't answer.I lived it for 13 years with him and still feel a few of the ramifications now. It was worse than living with my mother. My mother, God rest her soul, was open, yelling, direct, goodhearted, evil, funny unpredictable, sly, action oriented, encouraging, discouraging, sick, alcoholic, But she told you loud and clear and you knew what to expect.

If she was nice one minute you knew the next minute was going to be Hell rolling over. If she brought a box of food to a poor person you knew it was only a matter of time before she tried to break up someone's marriage. If Sunday was predictable and simple, you knew that night and the next day would be bizarre. You knew if she was calm and polite watching you in your class comedy play that at the end of the evening there would be an embarrassing drama. You knew that if you dared bring a friend home after school to pretend to yourself that you had a normal family and a clean up-to-date house, she would be drinking a beer on her way to drunkhood and the house would smell of dirty nylon stockings which she would stick between the cushions of the sofa after work until the next morning when she put them on and then that night repeated the process until the house smelled dirty.

My new ex-husband, with an emphasis on the ex, was the worst kind of crazy maker. He was an insidious gas you cannot see or hear, that quietly crept into every inch of my being, destroying one cell at a time. A spirit cell, a logic cell, a nice woman cell, the good parent cell, a hygiene cell, a control cell, my hope cell. Eventually, like the black and white science fiction movies we watched at the beginning of our marriage, he destroyed most of my cells. Those huge science fiction juggernauts/monsters, plowing through the town, dumber than a rock, heartless, seeing people as objects to be annihilated or beaten or killed. Just like an insidious gas you cannot see, it doesn't matter where they put their feet, they demolish everything and everyone step by step. His gas almost destroyed everything in me just like those huge monsters in the movies. And after the destruction is done, the people and houses gone, you are leveled, flattened, nothing but ash, too weak and limbless to do anything but lay there. But just like in those science fiction movies something seems to always come out of nothing. Just like those black and white horrors, I began to grow something out of this DEATH OF SPIRIT.

It was my spine.

And I knew if I could look up I could get up. And if I could get up then straighten up I could move up the hill one step at a time to my greatness. My new chant and mantra became "I will leave the ash and the ass behind".

Then I had to live in this hellhole for 5 more years while I planned and executed my education and new life. It was hell. But I knew what I was doing. I had a focus and a plan. Jack may have been my gas chamber, he may have killed just about everything in me, but like those old black and white science fiction movies I watched over and over, I found something lying in the ruins. I found a piece of something foreign to me, almost like mold, which is a living breathing thing. And it kept growing and growing and taking over my being. It is called "ME" .

And that is why, ladies and gentlemen, I am such an amazing person no matter where you put me. I can grow anything. Been there. Done that. Piece of cake now.

Like my brother told me years ago, I can take a pile of dung/manure and find the sunshine in it any day. And I can pick that ray of sun out of you and help it grow until it over grows and over powers anything or anyone. It is called YOUR SPIRIT.

Spirit doesn't mean your world is all right. It means you are all right wherever in the world you are. And no one can ever take that away from you. Keep it coming, baby !

This story was written for World Pulse’s Ending Violence Against Women Digital Action Campaign.

World Pulse believes that women's stories, recommendations, and collective rising leadership can—and will—bring an end to gender-based violence. The EVAW Campaign elicits powerful content from women on the ground, strengthens their confidence as vocal grassroots leaders, and ensures that influencers and powerful institutions hear their stories.
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arunima dutta's picture

HI..

My dear wendy,
Your write-up captures your extraordinary tenacity and ingenuity.its filled with so much grace,elegance and passion...against all odds you have created hope....

There comes a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud seems more painful than the risk it takes to blossom,i know,i understand..but,we need to stand up,dust ourselves out and be the light.....we have to change.....If we don't change, we don't grow. If we don't grow, we are not really living....

Keep writing.....Keep inspiring......

''You take your life in your own hands, and what happens?
A terrible thing: no one to blame.''

Love,
Arunima Dutta

Wendyiscalm's picture

You are the sweetest person

My dear friend Arunima,

I read your response to my article with such love and appreciation. Thank you so much for your lovely message.

I have written a book and this was the last chapter of the book, as you know. I went back and forth in my mind for weeks. Should I tell it or not? It is not about external violence BUT it is the silent violence I thought. So, then I thought, I cannot be the only person who suffered from and made decisions about my self-worth based on this. There must be other women out there too who do not even know they are being tortured in this silent way. So, I took the risk to write it. And I love that you took the time to read it and to write me a nice personal letter. It matters to me a lot.

It is my hope that we women will tell other women about this silent torture or read the article to them as a way of starting our own army to wipe out the silent abuse and neglect abuse. This damages the soul. And the soul is all we have and is all we are about. It is our essence.

Arunima, I found your saying about the bud closed and open to be very eloquent. I want to know if I may have permission to quote it in my book with your name after the quote. This sentence is too important to keep silent. It is the kind of saying a person will write down and look at often and gain hope.

Again,

Thank you, my lovely friend.

Ubuntu (I am who I am because of who we are together),

Wendy

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

Mukut's picture

Bravo

Bravo dear Wendy for showing courage and speaking up.

Never give up on the battle of life. You are such an amazing woman.Thank you for sharing this.

Love,

Mukut Ray

Wendyiscalm's picture

Thanks, Mukut

Your support means more than you can imagine. I get discourage a lot, being alone with out a lot of money and not doing as much as I should or want to. So, when you take the time to encourage me it is like giving me a vitamin for the day.

Thank you, thank you.

Ubuntu (I am who I am because of who we are together)

Wendy

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

Greengirl's picture

Sweetest Senior Friend

Here you go again my dearest senior friend! You have a way of beaming hope in any situation, bad as it may seem or be.

Before I go ahead to share my thoughts on this revealing piece, which is loaded with so much that one can learn from, I observed that you missed responding to Arunima Dutta's comment. I guess it was an oversight.

Back to my comment. Though the story captured sad parts of your life, the manner you pieced it together made me feel I was watching a movie. The best part of it all is the happy note on which it ended.

Guess what? Your story has inspired me and made me decide to share an experience which is also a dimension of the many acts of violence that is perpetuated against women.

You are an epitome of hope any day any time. You're simply magical, turning such a negative experience to one that has become motivational. Thank you for sharing.

Hugs,

Olanike

Hi Olanike,

Always a breath of fresh air hearing from you, like I am hearing from a family member far away. Thanks for telling me I did not respond to Arunima Dutta, as I really intend to respond to every single person who takes the time to contact me. It really matters to each person when they put their heart out there.

I spent several weeks going back and forth as to whether or not I should share the story about my husband and how I found my spirit. At first I did not think it was appropriate but then I really thought it could do some good. I hope and pray people will pass it on to young girls and discuss how choices form our lives, the good and the bad of it.

The sad part for me is that my four children have literally erased me from their lives for years and I cannot even contact or find them. Yet they adore their father, who is really a limited, bordering on evil man, and they include him in normal functions and life events. It is something one never gets over, does not understand. I only can keep busy trying to do something for a cause bigger than myself to keep my sanity. Someday I will know why my life is as it is. But for now I have to have faith. I refuse to feel sorry for myself. And I refuse to let their actions limit who I am.

I will now contact Arunima. Thanks again for telling me.

Talk to you soon,

Hugs back,

Wendy

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

arunima dutta's picture

MY SHE-RO....

Dear sister,

Let me first hug you,a bear hug...the fact that my words move you brings joy and motivation of great magnitude..you can use the lines from my write-up in whichever way you want to,your book will be a bible for women,mark my words...

YOU ARE MY SHE-RO.....ITS TIME WE MOVE AHEAD OF HEROES AND CELEBRATE OUR SHE-ROES.....

All my love to you,
Arunima Dutta.

Wendyiscalm's picture

Forgot to tell you

Hi again, Arunima,

Forgot to tell you I love your new word = she-ro. That's great !

Wendy

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

Wendyiscalm's picture

Thanks, sister

Dear sister too !

I loved your message and I am proud to have your energy a part of my book.

And the bear hug was especially nice! Haha! I need all the love I can get, my life has been so tragic. But I refuse to be a victim. I am a victor!

You know, you have such a way of taking words and bringing them to a sentence or two to make a point. I agree with you. I believe my book will be a bible for women. In fact, as I have sent letters out to publishers, I have mentioned that many many women in Africa, India and all over are where American women were in the '50's, '60's, '70's and on up and the book is all about that period. I feel it is going to be an important book for a certain pocket of women. I pray I can get it published; Not for my ego but for the good it can do to propel women to rise to a higher greatness than they ever imagined possible.

For your information, Arunima, my journal entries have been to give empowerment thoughts and ideas to women since I do not directly have violence to speak of. But I have lived through the worst abuses I believe. I call them the silence abuses, the neglect abuses, the invalidation abuses that take a person's heart and spirit and crushes them. So, from time to time if you know someone who needs help with these things, some of my old journals may do well.

Love ya and thank you,

Wendy

Thanks again,

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

Gbemi Abeow's picture

Indeed, Wendy is Calm!

Hello Wendy, you told your story with such depth of feeling. It is decorated with poetry which is both biting and sublime. I am intrigued that you endured for so long, but I see that through your endurance you came out strong. And in your very own words, "Wendy is calm, (though) It's Hell In The Hallway But I'm Beginning To See The Light" And that light you shall keep on seeing as you beam hope to us and to the world! Keep on writing Wendy, let your voice and your words be everyday heard.

Your Truly,

Gbemisola Abiola

Gbemi Abeow's picture

Hello Arunmina and

Hello Arunmina and Wendy,
Your words to Wendy are full of spirit. And I agree with Wendy that this line: "there comes a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud seems more painful than the risk it takes to blossom", "is too important to keep silent. I am just as encouraged by them. And Wendy. I think it will sit beautifully in your book! Cheers to you dear sister in advance, I know it will be a great book!

Your Truly,

Gbemisola Abiola

Wendyiscalm's picture

Hello Gbemisola

Hello Gbemisola,

I am so thankful for your message and your support. it means a great deal to me. When you said you didn't know how I could take it for so long, that actually meant a lot to me because I felt validated. Thank you.

The worst part of it is, Gbemisola, is that after I was able to divorce and open my counseling centers, my husband had so brainwashed my 4 children who I love dearly that the children have divorced me from their lives. Everything he did, the ways he treated me is how they treated me, like I wasn't there. I do not even know where they are and I am not allowed to see m y grandchildren. So, it has been the silent death. Worse than anything a husband can do. In fact, he is invited to be at holidays and in their life a lot, but they do not even miss me. It is the ultimate pain. I just finished writing my biography/memoirs, 300 pages. I knew of one son's mailing address. I sent him a copy of the 300 pages and a 2 page letter telling him how much I love him, miss him, and so forth. Along with the book which is not yet published. He wrote me a letter back telling me how much the letter meant to him and that he loved me BUT NEVER MENTIONED THE BOOK. How does one get 300 pages of a persons guts spilling out and never mention it, good or bad. That is invalidation.

I have had to really really turn my life over to God daily, hourly, sometimes. That is why I started my non-profit organization so that I had a purpose rather than sit and feel like a victim. While no one can every replace my children and while I will always feel tortured at not hearing from them and knowing they do not care, I feel like I at least will do what I can in life to make some people's lives better. When I die, God will let me know the "why" of my life. This is what is meant by real faith and trust. Haha. This is the first time I have shared this story with anyone on WP. I am not one to talk about myself a lot.

Thank you. I am not complaining or whining. I just want people to know that whatever they experience as their greatest low, faith is all that can get us through it all at the end of the day.

Much love,

Ubuntu (I am who I am because of who we are together).

Wendy

P.S. I leave October 9 for Zambia for just 5 days. I just got back September 5. I am going because my birthday is October 12 and I do not want to spend it alone. The street orphans always have a birthday party for me. i am never there. This year I will be at my own party !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am blessed to be able to have the money for the air ticket and everything. I think it is important to look at the good parts of a situation too.

I hope you will tell us all more about yourself.

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

Beverly Rose's picture

The risk to blossom

Dear Wendy,

Thank you for sharing your journey as you took the risk to blossom and regain your power. What an inspiration your story is! We share our stories in the hopes that it will inspire others and help to empower them. I wonder, though, how do we make the shift so that no woman is abused, so that is not an option for any man? Maybe that will be your next book....

May your Light continue to shine brightly!

Aloha,
Beverly

Wendyiscalm's picture

Great to hear from you

Hi Beverly,

Your message means a lot to me. Thank you so much.

Interestingly, one of my street orphans I sponsor in Livingstone Zambia is named Beverly. It is a boy. I think what happened is this. At some point Zambians take on an English first name. I think he heard the name Beverly and didn't realize it is usually a girls name so picked it. Also, interestingly, I have had him since he was 12 years old, sponsoring him in Zambia where I often am. Due to malnutrition as a child his academic brain did not develop enough for him to do well in school. He is SO below the poverty level as so many are there. But I put him in 30 day taxi school. He failed the taxi exam. Then he retook it and passed with a high grade. Then he failed the driving exam. So, I got the bright idea to pay my driver, Aaron, to teach him daily for 30 days, 1-2 hours a day, to drive. I was there on the day he took his driving exam, I watched and saw him PASS. That means he has a taxi license and it gets him out of the poverty level. His examiner said he did not even seem like a taxi student, he seemed like an experienced taxi driver. I keep telling these kids "Everybody has a special gift and soon we will find yours". This one was a stretch but we did it.

You raise a fabulous question about how do we make the shift so no woman is abused. I believe this is a very multi-layered, multi answer problem. And in order for this to happen we have to take the time to really really understand the populations in different countries. If you go on some of my journals you will see an article about this and the chicken. Also, Scott Beck today had an excellent thing to say. He said nonviolence requires PATIENCE. And he is so right. I do not have physical abuse in my environment but I have lived neglect and invalidation abuse big time. So, my focus is to bring awareness to this part of it for women.

I KNOW that in order to get rid of outer abuse women MUST be empowered from within. With that in mind I have written many articles about empowerment and hope to continue to do so as a way of internally making the shift for women. I have learned that there are some people that others do not disrespect or say bad things too. Why? I think a lot of times it is because of an aura, an energy they give off from within. Maybe right now we cannot end outer violence though we must continue to move in that direction with that goal. BUT we can ALL develop inner control and power. Nobody can stop that from happening except ourselves. I know that because I have more or less lived through Hell. haha.

Much love,

Ubuntu (I am who I am because of who we are together),

Wendy

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

Heidi's picture

Ubuntu Indeed

Dear Wendy,
Thank you for so openly sharing your story and kudos to you on the completion of your book! While reading your story this line really stood out to me ... "I was constantly invalidated" ... this seemed to be the very center of the silent struggle you described and one that many women feel in a million different ways every day. What an amazing place to be in now ... sharing your story, making your thoughts, worries, joys, dreams heard and therefore VALIDATED! Your voice is an important one, keep sharing it! Much love,
Heidi

Wendyiscalm's picture

Hi Heidi

Hi Heidi,

I was so happy to receive your message. Thank you.I was waiting for a time when I could take time to write a little more than just a thank you. I am sorry you have gone through the invalidation part of life. I hope things are better for you and if they are not I hope I can help. I spent most of my life trying to be better, different, trying harder. What I didn't realize is there was nothing inherently wrong with me. It's just that the people I was with or attracted were not people or environments where what I had to offer was valued. it is really hard when it is your children, husband, mother, and friends. I kept picking the same kind of friends to continue "working" unconsciously on this saga. You know what I mean. I am glad the empowerment piece resonated for you. I am going to try to write more on invalidation, how to identify it and how to stop it because I believe you are right. MANY MANY of us have been abused by invalidation but you can't put a name on it and we don't even know about it. So, thanks for validating I should do this. I hope you are in a good place now. Unfortunately for me, my 4 children have erased me from their life, probably brainwashed from their father though I was not perfect. They have no contact with me, I don't know how to reach them, when I have tried it has been a dead end. I put one foot in front of the other and help as you know in LIvingstone, Zambia.

I call invalidation the SILENT ABUSE. What do you think? A good name.

Heidi, I hope you will keep in touch. If there is ever anything I can do for you, please know I am only a few words away at WP or my email address is headingforgreatness@gmail.com

Hugs and Ubuntu (I am who I am because of who we are together),

Wendy

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

Wendyiscalm's picture

P.S.

Hi again Heidi, meant to mention, there is an excellent book called "Toxic People". When I went to google it, a lot of articles about Toxic People came up. So, you are right. This is a very large and real problem. But it is also treatable by each of us, which is the good news.

Wendy

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

your story is unique in its own factual pattern but it is also a common story of a woman who lived her life by the side of apathetic and mediocre man who oppressed her personality. That is why what you do is important! because you and your experience are INSPIRATION that so many women in the contemporary world need! it is hard for them to raise their voices and rebel against an unjust and oppressing system, but after reading your life story they will get more confident in their goals and THEY WILL ACT!
Thank you for giving us hope and inspiration! you are amazing in what you do!

Gbemi Abeow's picture

Hello Wendy, I am so sorry my

Hello Wendy,
I am so sorry my reply to you is coming late. Your words cut very deep, deep into the parts of emotions that I cannot find words for. Saying I am sorry for all the years of pain, even the constant and biting pain I imagine you feel about being excluded from your children doesn't seem deep enough. I feel it cannot touch the depth of your soul enough to take away the hurt or wish away this awful experience. I can simply say I understand. I understand because you faced it and are facing it with such strength. Much more,you are putting your energies into a very good cause, you are truly a brave woman and a testament to recovery form "silent abuse". And yes I love your sign out words: Ubuntu:I am who I am because of who we are together. :+)

***Tightest Hugs***

Your Truly,

Gbemisola Abiola

Wendyiscalm's picture

My new friend Gbemisola

Dear GHbemisola,

Thank you so much for your heartfelt message. It made me feel validated. The way you wrote it I knew you felt my pain and I am sorry you did but it tells me I am not wrong. That my feelings were normal given the situation. That is validation from that silence abuse. I am sorry I pained you. But your feeling what I must have gone through and still do, makes it easier for me to get up today, shower, and smile becasue soembody notices and understands. So, you have done a lot for me, Ghbemisola, just by being who you are. Today you are my blessing. Actually, I have made a commitment that the mmoment I step out of my door, no matter how I feel, when someone asks me how I am, I will always say "Fabulous". And I do. It is better for everybody including me.

I hope over the times to learn more about you and your life. I know you have a lot of coruage yourself as this WP website seems to attract very special women. That is the beauty of it. We all just feel like we are on the same spiritual level and we are all so real and authentic, don't you think?.

Please keep in touch and please know

You have touched me, I have grown.

Ubuntu,

Wendy

And Yes, that word ubuntu really just about says it all doesn't it. it is a word from South Africa. I even have a teeshirt with those words on it.

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

This is heart wrenching Wendy dear but the best part was the ability to break free.when you talk about a man almost married to his work and how his job turns out to almost be your next rival and not the other woman,i get you Girlfriend,i have been there,

many women have stayed in abusive relationships especially here in Africa where divorce would amount to absolute reject from society,you are called an out cast and for fear of being shunned,women have had to endure sick marriages and the reasons will always be something like"am staying for the sake of my children",the man always has the final word to say,this is the life of a rural african woman and even those who have had the chance to break away still hang in there just to protect a family image that is barely there

stories like yours are like an antidote to a poison,before am poisoned,i got the solution,thanks to women of valor like your kind,i am inspired,if you had got lost in that misery,there are souls that would get lost with you,now that you rose up,you rose with us

Because of strong women like you who have broken free from the bondage of torture and torment,we the younger generation are free indeed because your message of hope redeems us.
Thank you Wendy

Big lovve

Patricia

:))<3<3..

Wendyiscalm's picture

marvelous message

Hi Patricia,

Your message and response to me for my article are wonderful and said so beautifully and it is so so true. I notice with my work in Livingstone, Zambia that the women there,as your women where you are, are living where we American women were back in the 1950's. I remember at the time, all I had to counter attack the dysfunctional/sick people in my life was books, books, books and the universe happened to put me together with some new people at an institute who loved me despite the way I was at the time. Because of them I learned a new thought and feeling: " I AM WORTHY". I kept reading the same passages of the books over and over, a phrase or sentence, over and over and over. In fact my husband at the time would say "You keep reading the same things over and over". Like there wa something wrong with that.

So, even one little "Hello" looking someone in the eyes and smiling has an energetic positive affect that they may not get at home. It matters. Sometimes we are so busy looking for the big cure that we miss the little opportunities that are a small step up the ladder to freedom. A book that REALLY helped me back in the 50's was just out. "THE ASSERTIVE WOMAN". it taught me how not to be aggressive but to be centered. It gave me little steps and ways to say and do things. I do not know if you have libraries there or can order it or find it online but I really believe it would give hope, direction and be life changing to some of these women because it was my start to inner freedom. Just a thought. Or there are articles on line about steps to be an assertive woman. Being assertive is different than being aggressive. I think this might help. It was life changing for me and my self-esteem. Sometimes we KNOW we should be a certain way BUT we need someone to give us the steps.

I am so happy we met through WP and I look forward to more interaction with you.

if you ever want to write to me personally my email is: headingforgreatness@gmail.com.

With love and ubuntu(I am who I am because of who we are together),

Wendy

My Losi name in Zambia is Lilato which means love.

Wendy Stebbins
Founder/CEO
I AM ONE IN A MILLION Non-Profit Organization focused on helping street orphans and vulnerable children in Livingstone, Zambia Africa.

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