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End of Violence

I made a deep inner commitment to Peace. I gave all I had to follow my own inner wisdom no matter the violent thoughts, ideas, memories surfacing, even the shame of acting out violently against my own child when he was just turning into a man it seemed. I found myself behaving like I had with my sibling, act out of control, wildly and maybe so mad he'll quit the attack. Early coping strategies, don't match the world I'm in currently, when all I want to be is sweet to the child granted to me. I apologized, told my son sorry for the unconcious reaction I didn't see coming. I really wanted to tell my brother sorry to for acting out from the rage I felt about being abused. I'd been watching out for tiger attacks every night before going to bed, what a way to live with that in your head. No one deserves to have to live so afraid inside themselves, no one is so insignificant that they don't deserve to be heard. I had other times too of throwing keys, hitting with a purse the human in front of me, yet later I'd say it was only a mirror to me afraid to see violently me, how angry I was at me for having not had the courage to make that time different, having feared for my life and my family. How I'd tried to pretend nothing bothered me in life until unseen triggers would arrive. My innocent son got to see the wound I'd tried to keep hidden but truthfully it needed me to love me with this wound completely. To welcome me back in to me and marry in union with total me. I could no longer keep out what was part of my experience as a human being, the orphaned self said please love me. Loving me has taken great courage to love the unthinkable especially if you are not old enough to reason what happened. God has given me a brain injury to love me exactly as I am. Can't you imagine our own ego not able to be satisifed with me being less. Me not wanting to be violent towards myself when I can't see improving, that I still matter is what life has brought me to become free of the boundage I self created to protect me. Me looking after me completely, not family, not government, not anything outside me has been the key to self realization and free. Love me free is what I want for everybody... Blessings indeed, Cheryl

This story was written for World Pulse’s Ending Violence Against Women Digital Action Campaign.

World Pulse believes that women's stories, recommendations, and collective rising leadership can—and will—bring an end to gender-based violence. The EVAW Campaign elicits powerful content from women on the ground, strengthens their confidence as vocal grassroots leaders, and ensures that influencers and powerful institutions hear their stories.
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Tina's picture

Brave

Dear Cheryl,
Thank you so much for posting from your heart and with such honesty. To be aware of and become accountable for your negative reactions to your son becoming a man is a brave step forward. Not all men treat women badly in any way, let alone violently, and some of them are truly wonderful.

I wish you all the best on your journey,
Blessings,
Tina

Masooma Maqsoodi's picture

Dear Cheryl, This is indeed a

Dear Cheryl,
This is indeed a great achievement to reach inner peace and you are lucky! I admire your courage and bravery to face the truth in your life and set yourself free from boundages that limited you to discover your full potential. And I love your idea about every human’s rights to self-expression and our responsibility to listen to each other without prejudgment, “no one is so insignificant that they don't deserve to be heard.” You are the source of light to yourself, to your family, and to your society. Keep shining!

Love,
Masooma

Cheryl Rask's picture

Blessings to you beautiful one

Masooma, I appreciate that we both want the best for ourselves, others and the world around us. Thank you for sharing this journey with me in a place of non-judgement and neutrality. Many blessings indeed, Cheryl

Gemma's picture

I love your strength and honesty

Cheryl: The wisdom with which you write is moving and portrays your strength and honesty. You have come to a place, I think, where you know in your heart that you are strong and peaceful. What you have experienced does not diminish who you are. This essay is beautiful and I want to thank you for sharing it with this community. If more of human kind had your level of self-acceptance and self-understanding, our condition would be greatly improved. Gemma

Sarah Whitten-Grigsby's picture

Dear Cheryl!

Dear Cheryl,

Your writing is beautiful and deeply spiritual in it's authenticity. What you've written about relying on yourself is true in a way, for us all. When all is said and done, we must turn inward to ourselves to find the peace we seek.

I have much respect for you and the telling of your story, and I thank you for sharing the gift of your writing.

Love and Support,

Interfaith Reverend Sarah

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