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5 minutes with Iranian women:" trapped in my own body" ***a piece a self-inflicted violence victim's diery

******** This is a piece from a diary of self-inflicted violence victim from Iran****** my aim with sharing this story is to shed a light into how this victim feel and engage in this self-destructive act. It is a rare incidence for someone to be willing to write about it because self-inflicted violence victim often associates feel ashamed and judged by others.

please read with open mind and open heart

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It was a typical afternoon. I was just setting at home reading a book. And I don't know what triggered it so that my thoughts shifted back to THAT day.

All the sudden,there I was, a 15 years old teenager standing in corner of our living room witnessing another bloody fight at home.

To this day, my soul still feels beaten up and tired.

I don't know what started the fight, probably something very minor as it always was the case. I was hearing his scream, his insults to my mom, over and over again. I still recall how scared my mom's face was.

Neither she nor did my brother and I ever got use to those unannounced fights. Part of me hates him, part of me loves him, part of me hates me for loving him,& part of me feels bad for him.

These poisoned thoughts had invaded my mind again. I kept seeing everything over and over again. I recalled how I never felt safe in my own home or how frighten I was every time he walked into the house.

10 years later, I still felt that insecurity, but this time I was frighten by my own mind. I was trapped in my own body with all these nasty thoughts and I could not even run away. Like a shadow, they are always with me; sometimes distant, sometimes nearby, but they are always there watching me.

I got so overwhelmed. So sick and tired of being so week. I hated my self for being so weak for being unable to break the cycle. I couldn't bare the pain. no scream was loud enough to express it.

I don't know how this idea crossed my mind, I picked the knife on the table and start cutting on my arm. RELIEVE at LAST. the cycle was broken. I was free. FOR NOW!

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I am happy to share that 2 months after hearing this story, she send me another email telling me that she is seeking therapy to facilitate her healing process.

Comments

Kim Crane's picture

Heartbreaking

A painful reminder of the ripple effects of violence in our families and communities. I hope this woman knows she is loved and she is not alone. I am glad that she is seeking therapy to heal from the abuse she suffered and witnessed. My heart goes out to her.

Omid's picture

Thanks for reading her story.

Dear Kim,

Thank you for taking the time to read her story. It meant a lot of her to be heard and communicate her pain with those who care.

:)

S.Omid

Nusrat Ara's picture

Thanks for sharing. Love

Thanks for sharing.

Love

Nusrat

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